Appropriate sanctions for sexual assault

[ButNotOnTheEyes]

My year 9 DS was assaulted at school. All very upsetting for him and as it came right up against the end of term, I wanted to be sure that appropriate action has been taken that won’t get ‘lost’ over the summer holiday.

Basically another boy pushed him down onto a bench and put his hands down the back of his trousers, under his pants and touched his bottom. I don’t accept this is anything other than sexual assault and it can not be ‘boys will be boys’ or I don’t know where this ends. My kids have been brought up since they were tiny to understand that areas over or under pants are absolutely private. My son is very distressed and feels violated.

School responded immediately to this being reported and were in contact to let me know what had happened and to reassure me this would not be tolerated and severe sanctions would follow. But they won’t tell me anything more.

My son told me that the perpetrator was put in isolation the next day and given a detention the same day - which was the last day of school. I was expecting him to be suspended for such a serious issue. Detentions after school are quite freely handed out for not doing your homework so a detention would not send a strong message that this was totally unacceptable.

Does a detention sound like a typical sanction for a sexual assault of this nature? Do I have any way to insist that school tells me a bit more about the sanction applied?

I don’t think the school can tell you. But I doubt I’ll be the only one to say report to the police.

I would expect the police to be involved.

I also think you should contact the police.

I don't think isolation and a detention is an appropriate punishment at all.

The problem is that the school (quite rightly) won't tell you what sanctions have been imposed on the other child. It might be that they will face an exclusion at the start of next term - especially if it is to be for more than a day given the offence took place on the last day of term.

I also think that you should report to the police.

Meant to say - I'm so sorry for your poor son - what a shitty thing to happen.

Thank you @londonmummy1966 . It really is a shitty thing to happen at school. And he has to be around this kid every day for the next 4 years.

If you consider it sexual assault (I agree) then why aren’t the police involved? This isn’t a detention thing at all!

My son really isn’t keen to put himself in the spotlight more by involving the police. To be honest I was waiting to see if school were going to do or suggest we do that.

You might find this helpful. It tells you the law and the appropriate steps to take
https://www.metooschool.org.uk/legal-support/#:~:text=The%20sooner%20the%20assault%20is,Assault%20Referral%20Centre%20(SARC).

The waiting and passing the decision to school minimises the offence. Has someone safe who is not this young man’s mum talked to him about it?

His head of year has discussed with him but apart from his direct family, close friends who were there at the time and HoY then no, he has not talked to anyone else ‘safe’. What would you be suggest someone else should be raising/discussing with him?

@ButNotOnTheEyes Your poor son.
That really is an unpleasant thing to have happened.
It’s definitely SA.

Imaging if it had been a girl that this was done to- unquestionably it would be called SA

Police is best bet.

Chances are the abuser is himself being abused
Definitely flag it up.

I worked in schools for many years until 2019. This would have been a suspension at least, standard protocol would have been the DSL and either Head or an Assistant Head meeting with parents and the boy immediately and suspending there and then, being kept in at break/lunch and on report for the rest of half term. Another option would have been being taught in isolation for the rest of the half term or around 3 weeks. I don't think detention is appropriate.

Thank you so much for providing that insight. That’s really what I think my son needs to hear. Maybe school has planned for this at the start of next term but it’s just a shame they can’t tell me that.

It’s unfortunate that there will be 6 weeks between the issue and sanction, if there is to be an additional sanction. But nothing we can do about that.

You can call the police.

The boy himself may need safeguarding over the holidays.

I've actually been a bit dense and forgot it's the end of term (now I am not working to term times!)...

That changes things quite a bit and there's a very real risk it could get forgotten (or swept under the carpet). They are unlikely to shift punishments back ime (they believe in immediate consequences).

I'd email the Head and copy in the DSL, remind them of the exact details of the incident, the way the perpetrator has been reprimanded and that you and your son don't feel this was an adequate response for such a serious event. Tell them you wish to have a meeting with your son and senior staff, his new HOY prior to his first day back and you want details of how the school aim to protect your son from further sexual assault by this individual in the coming year.

I'd be very inclined to contact the police for advice too. I think the little shit knew exactly what he was doing knowing it was so close to end of year.

I think I’d want my son to be able to talk in confidence to someone professional so he didn’t have to worry about their feelings or them remembering later. I love my mother very very much but I wouldn’t want to talk to her about my assault. I’m so sorry this has happened to him. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It’s not fair.

If the other child is back in class next term, next to your kid, with free access to repeat the offense during school, then I'd be reporting the school to Ofsted or the LA. And definitely speak to the police. Your poor son.

Oh this is for sure a police matter. I hope your son is doing ok

I’m sorry this happened to your son. He did the right thing in coming to you and that shows that he trusts you. (Sorry to point out the obvious but there were things in my childhood I never felt brave enough to tell my mum, even though I know she would have helped me I couldn’t face upsetting her). Your job now is to do everything you can to make sure he is supported to feel safe going forward. For me that would include a meeting with the school safeguarding lead and head teacher to discuss their plans to complete a full risk assessment and develop a risk management/protection plan to keep your son (and other children) safe. The school also have a duty to safeguard the offender as sexual offending behaviour is children is likely to be linked to sexual abuse of some kind - although that isn’t your issue to address. I would want the police to be involved also. The biggest predictor of future risky/offending behaviours is a person’s risk history. Without a proper plan in place this behaviour will likely repeat and possibly escalate. I hope your son is ok x

I would report it to the police (the school
Should have done this) as the child who did this is displaying behaviour that needs addressing and sex offenders this age have the best chance at rehabilitation.

He may be a victim himself but to do it so openly he may well have done this before and may do it again

You need to get the police involved.

This would actually also help the other child as well as he could be living in a dodgy family environment and be a victim of inappropriate touching too.

Thanks very much for the responses and support.

So sorry this happened. Similar happened at our school and the police were involved.