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Bullying

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Horrible neighbours

11 replies

Cabincrew1 · 09/07/2024 14:26

Hi, just looking for advice on bad neighbours.

I live in a rented house with my adult child early 20s.

Next door are a couple in their 50s who have had various young male family members lodging with them over the years.

The husband can be friendly to my face if the mood takes him, but is over familiar his wife on the other hand looks like she would punch me for just existing, I tried to be friendly (saying hi) at first but she’s just one of those people.

The young men all seem to be cut from the same cloth weed smokers and sit around gaming loudly, making appearance based slurs at women that don’t tickle their fancy including me ( in spite of their gross unattractiveness ) the current nephew comes off as a bit of a basement dweller who has two very young children he barely sees (for context) so how he can point the finger at others astounds me.

I’ve had the couple aggressively knocking on my door threatening me because I left my dog out for a couple of hours (I don’t normally but had to go out and he has bad separation anxiety so he was barking) and their grandchild was napping, they accused me of calling the RSPCA’ on them (i didn’t) they had their 3rd dog removed.

The whole neighbourhood can hear him screaming at his dogs calling them cunts etc so I’m not surprised someone called rspca.

The other two dogs are constantly out in all weathers barking and trying to kill each other (right outside my bedroom window and sitting room) Husband threatened to get his wife to kick my head in that day and said he would steal my dog and let him run the streets, he would of been killed in traffic. (His wife just stood there glaring like it was all normal.

They literally feel no shame even after the public spectacles they make of themselves so I doubt they would even consider themselves bullies tbh.

Husband goes on benders were he causes chaos in our street, including the local pub were he verbally abuses the regulars, (he’s about 5ft 4 and built like a rake) he screams at the landlady calling her all the dogs amongst other misogynistic slurs etc then proceeds to fall in to the traffic trying to get drivers to shake hands and chat. Someone calls the police, usually his wife after he starts on her ( I have no sympathy as the internalised misogyny is strong here)

One of the few times the wife has spoken to me normally Is when she knocked to see if I’d seen her husband, the house was raided by police in the early hours (drugs) and even then she just walked off without a thanks or a bye.

Husband constantly smoking weed in the garden and it wafts into my house, he also sounds like he’s coughing up a lung on the regular.

It was actually bliss when he went to prison a few years ago, she never said boo because obviously she’s a coward and needs a man to hide behind.

They argue a lot he calls her a fat dog she calls him ugly. They are very loud already but their windows and back door seem to be open most of the year. So I can hear even the most mundane conversations.

He also threatens to kick her out when they argue as it’s his house but she seems to be the one who works. I think it’s quite a symbiotic relationship where they feed off each other.

I already suffer with body dysmorphia (thanks to bullying in high school) and also bad mental health so when I hear their nasty remarks about my looks it really exasperates things and recently I’ve noticed if I go in the garden the wife will start laughing out of nowhere and whispering and calling me a dog and a boot.

I walked past the front window the other day and she started exaggerated laughing loudly and I heard her nephew call me a dog, they all started laughing. Some days it takes a lot for me to even go out without psyching myself up. I don’t know why they are amping up the nastiness again, the only change I can think I’ve made in myself recently is losing a bit of weight and highlighting my hair to cheer myself up.

I’m not a young girl I’m in my late 40s although get told I look late 30s, so in a way I can sort of understand why an uncouth young man would be derogatory about an older woman (it’s what they do) I can’t get my head around why the older adults are targeting me though. They are both far from attractive and I’m not normally one to judge people on their appearances, but I believe when you go around throwing insults you put your own appearance in the firing line, it’s human nature. Not that I’ve ever insulted them back but they’ve probably heard me having a moan and realised they are getting to me.

I just want to exist in peace is that too much to ask, I’m not a bad person and I absolutely detest any kind of bullying towards others, but I struggle to stand up for myself when I’m the target believing I must deserve it.

I’m also 100% sure if I had a man living here they wouldn’t be doing this to me.

Sorry my writing isn’t perfect I’m suffering with a sinus infection and feel like my head is going to explode.

Any advice though would be gratefully appreciated.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 09/07/2024 14:33

Move.

TellySavalashairbrush · 09/07/2024 14:36

Are they in a housing association property or do they own the place? I think you need to start documenting everything and if they are with HA then let me know exactly how bad the situation is. Another place to try is the anti-social behaviour team at your local council. This type of behaviour is totally unacceptable and I really feel for you. Please don't let it carry on, for your own sanity report it.

TellySavalashairbrush · 09/07/2024 14:37

Let them know, not me!!

serialcatbuyer · 09/07/2024 14:39

I don't really know what you can do. I've got horrible neighbours too. They bang the floor from below aggressively if I have my niece and nephews in playing or my cats run around, when I'm hoovering. They record me and show it to me. They have asked me to walk quiter. I just think they're crazy. I can hear my upstairs neighbours so I can tell what the noise level is from their pets and childen moving around, and how loud their footsteps are and it's not something I notice too much, is just what living in flats is like. They smoke weed all day and it's horrible. I'm just focused on making money so I can buy a nice detached house

Yougotwhatstuckwhere · 09/07/2024 14:40

Good news is you rent. I know it's not simple to move but you don't have to get a new mortgage for example.
You can only change your behaviour. I suggest good earphones when you're in your garden or walking past theirs so you don't hear them at all. Find some music that's gives you some uumphh iyswim? Shoulders back, head high, fuck em.
They'll get bored and you will find somewhere better to live.
But don't leave your dog out. That's shit.

theeyeofdoe · 09/07/2024 14:42

Just move!

Cabincrew1 · 09/07/2024 14:51

TellySavalashairbrush · 09/07/2024 14:36

Are they in a housing association property or do they own the place? I think you need to start documenting everything and if they are with HA then let me know exactly how bad the situation is. Another place to try is the anti-social behaviour team at your local council. This type of behaviour is totally unacceptable and I really feel for you. Please don't let it carry on, for your own sanity report it.

No I think he gets housing benefit to pay his landlord (private) I’ve lived here 10years now and should have made a complaint when they first started threatening me, but I was scared of repercussions. The bullying is mostly insidious and passive aggressive so I don’t know how I would prove it.

OP posts:
Cabincrew1 · 09/07/2024 14:53

Yougotwhatstuckwhere · 09/07/2024 14:40

Good news is you rent. I know it's not simple to move but you don't have to get a new mortgage for example.
You can only change your behaviour. I suggest good earphones when you're in your garden or walking past theirs so you don't hear them at all. Find some music that's gives you some uumphh iyswim? Shoulders back, head high, fuck em.
They'll get bored and you will find somewhere better to live.
But don't leave your dog out. That's shit.

Moving is out of the question I’m afraid as money is tight and rents are rocketing.

I really like your idea about the earphones though, I think I might give that a go.

OP posts:
TheBizzies · 09/07/2024 14:54

Nothing changes unless something changes

Keroppi · 09/07/2024 15:00

You're in rented, make plans to move

Personally I fight fire with fire. You can't let them think they run your life. Scared to leave the house, caring about if they call you ugly - no !! You're grown and they're scum

If they call u a dog bark loudly at them
If they threaten to knock u out get your phone out and tell them you're dialing the police. Report any threats to the police, if he already has a record it shouldn't be difficult
Complain endlessly to their housing association or private landlord
You need to act crazy and they'll leave you alone. No joke

Paigey30 · 27/09/2024 14:47

Cabincrew1 · 09/07/2024 14:26

Hi, just looking for advice on bad neighbours.

I live in a rented house with my adult child early 20s.

Next door are a couple in their 50s who have had various young male family members lodging with them over the years.

The husband can be friendly to my face if the mood takes him, but is over familiar his wife on the other hand looks like she would punch me for just existing, I tried to be friendly (saying hi) at first but she’s just one of those people.

The young men all seem to be cut from the same cloth weed smokers and sit around gaming loudly, making appearance based slurs at women that don’t tickle their fancy including me ( in spite of their gross unattractiveness ) the current nephew comes off as a bit of a basement dweller who has two very young children he barely sees (for context) so how he can point the finger at others astounds me.

I’ve had the couple aggressively knocking on my door threatening me because I left my dog out for a couple of hours (I don’t normally but had to go out and he has bad separation anxiety so he was barking) and their grandchild was napping, they accused me of calling the RSPCA’ on them (i didn’t) they had their 3rd dog removed.

The whole neighbourhood can hear him screaming at his dogs calling them cunts etc so I’m not surprised someone called rspca.

The other two dogs are constantly out in all weathers barking and trying to kill each other (right outside my bedroom window and sitting room) Husband threatened to get his wife to kick my head in that day and said he would steal my dog and let him run the streets, he would of been killed in traffic. (His wife just stood there glaring like it was all normal.

They literally feel no shame even after the public spectacles they make of themselves so I doubt they would even consider themselves bullies tbh.

Husband goes on benders were he causes chaos in our street, including the local pub were he verbally abuses the regulars, (he’s about 5ft 4 and built like a rake) he screams at the landlady calling her all the dogs amongst other misogynistic slurs etc then proceeds to fall in to the traffic trying to get drivers to shake hands and chat. Someone calls the police, usually his wife after he starts on her ( I have no sympathy as the internalised misogyny is strong here)

One of the few times the wife has spoken to me normally Is when she knocked to see if I’d seen her husband, the house was raided by police in the early hours (drugs) and even then she just walked off without a thanks or a bye.

Husband constantly smoking weed in the garden and it wafts into my house, he also sounds like he’s coughing up a lung on the regular.

It was actually bliss when he went to prison a few years ago, she never said boo because obviously she’s a coward and needs a man to hide behind.

They argue a lot he calls her a fat dog she calls him ugly. They are very loud already but their windows and back door seem to be open most of the year. So I can hear even the most mundane conversations.

He also threatens to kick her out when they argue as it’s his house but she seems to be the one who works. I think it’s quite a symbiotic relationship where they feed off each other.

I already suffer with body dysmorphia (thanks to bullying in high school) and also bad mental health so when I hear their nasty remarks about my looks it really exasperates things and recently I’ve noticed if I go in the garden the wife will start laughing out of nowhere and whispering and calling me a dog and a boot.

I walked past the front window the other day and she started exaggerated laughing loudly and I heard her nephew call me a dog, they all started laughing. Some days it takes a lot for me to even go out without psyching myself up. I don’t know why they are amping up the nastiness again, the only change I can think I’ve made in myself recently is losing a bit of weight and highlighting my hair to cheer myself up.

I’m not a young girl I’m in my late 40s although get told I look late 30s, so in a way I can sort of understand why an uncouth young man would be derogatory about an older woman (it’s what they do) I can’t get my head around why the older adults are targeting me though. They are both far from attractive and I’m not normally one to judge people on their appearances, but I believe when you go around throwing insults you put your own appearance in the firing line, it’s human nature. Not that I’ve ever insulted them back but they’ve probably heard me having a moan and realised they are getting to me.

I just want to exist in peace is that too much to ask, I’m not a bad person and I absolutely detest any kind of bullying towards others, but I struggle to stand up for myself when I’m the target believing I must deserve it.

I’m also 100% sure if I had a man living here they wouldn’t be doing this to me.

Sorry my writing isn’t perfect I’m suffering with a sinus infection and feel like my head is going to explode.

Any advice though would be gratefully appreciated.

Sorry couldn't stop laughing at what you was saying 🤣 I can relate neighbours can be really awful. Try and move or keep reporting them I would!

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