Child friends with class bully

[Linares29]

My 4 year old daughter has been friends with another little girl (‘Mollie’) for a few years now, as their older siblings (7 and 10) are friends, and they have gone through the same day nursery together, live 2 roads away and will be in the same primary school class.

There are increasing numbers of incidents where Mollie is unkind to other children - excluding them, name calling - and my daughter is now getting implicated in this and at times joining in. Sometimes she’s also the victim of this behaviour.

I’ve tried to explain that if Mollie is unkind to her or to her other friends she should walk away and play with someone else but DD idolises this girl and says she just wants to play with her. She recognises that Mollie can be unkind but still follows her around like a puppy :-(

Aside from trying to encourage other friendships, what can I do to boost DD’s self esteem so she feels able to walk away from unkind behaviour. I don’t want her to be joining in and also labelled a bully! It’s causing awkwardness with me and other school mums.

You tell her she's not longer allowed to play with Mollie.

I'd ask school to encourage other friendships and put them in separate classes.

It’s a one form entry school unfortunately. I will ask the teacher to try to split up within that if I can though.

It’s tricky as while I can do that outside of nursery, within nursery they’re in the same room and the staff there have downplayed the issue (“kids are kids!”) and allow them to be together. I’m hearing of incidents from other parents I’m friendly with (often whose children are the victims).

The issue is more how I encourage the kind of self esteem in DD that she can recognise bad behaviour and walk away from it, how she can stand up to her friend and defend the other children. How not to be so in awe of this ‘friend’. Maybe I’m expecting a level of integrity a 4 year old is too young to understand!