How to approach with school

[Mama2miracle]

Hi,

I have a 4 year old daughter who has delayed speech and has made massive improvements since starting nursery. I made the nursery aware that she has found forming friendships difficult previous as children can struggle to understand her sometimes and she can become frustrated. I’ve the past year there has been a few incidences of small friendship issues with some boys and I’ve spoken to school.
However, recently I’ve noticed before nursery she will approach children and ask to join in play and they ignore her or run away. I again spoke to school who told me she doesn’t have a friend, but is friendly with other children and will play with whoever allows her to. My daughter tells me that some days she hasn’t played with anyone. She is really confident and friendly but I can see this is impacting her. When we go out outside of school she now asks permission to approach other children or wants me to talk to them first.
I was wondering if anyone would be able to tell me how they would approach next steps? I’m heartbroken than in almost a year she hasn’t made one friend, and isn’t part of a group but goes between groups looking for someone to play with. I struggle to be assertive and feel I allow myself to accept what the school says even though I know this isn’t fair. Could anyone suggest what they would say please?

Hi OP. I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. It's so hard to feel ostracised from a group at any age. Could you find out from the school who usually accepts your daughter as a playmate and start reaching out to parents to arrange play dates with those children outside of school? It's difficult to be the first to reach out in these situations but I would suggest an open and friendly approach designed to foster relationships outside of school that will channel into school. Maybe suggest activities like farm visits etc that would require less talking and more fun for now?
Additionally I would ask the school what they do when she has no one to play with. If they are vague, then I would firmly suggest they start playing a game with her themselves that other children would then want to join in on, or ask her to help them with something in the classroom so that she feels like someone is selecting her for things. Eventually the other kids will start to follow suit. Good luck OP! x

Sounds like it’s not the right setting for them, can u put her elsewhere.

Hi,

Thank you for your suggestions. I’ve tried a few times to get play dates set up but I’d say most of the parents are friends with other parents (either through being related or their older kids being friends) and aren’t keen. I set up a group play session at the local play cafe before she started nursery so she could meet other children before starting school, but it was cancelled as nobody replied to say they would attend. It was my daughter birthday on Sunday and I would have loved to give her a party but obviously couldn’t.

I will ask how they are encouraging interaction, thank you. I’m thinking of moving her for the start of reception. It’s really upsetting to see her left out, but I am quite sensitive and really wanted to gage other Mums feelings - I really don’t want to overact. But she has been playing alone or trying to force her way into getting other to let her play for almost a year.

Thank you for taking the time to reply x