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Bullying

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Original poster

My son’s been getting bullied for over a year

40 replies

chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:27

My son is 9 yo and our family have been going through a tough time and on top of that he’s been getting bullied in school and out of school and on numerous occasions I’ve witnessed some of the children verbally abuse him and even pushed him into a wall. I’ve spoken to school and our social worker about it several times and nothing seems to be getting done. He’s recently told his counsellor that he’s had thoughts of self harming because of it and still nothing is getting done. How can I help my son?

OP posts:
Babadook76 · 10/06/2024 19:29

Tbh I’d be taking him out of school before he does actually kill himself. Would you go into work everyday knowing that you’ll be attacked? Have you looked into changing schools?

Original poster
chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:31

I’ve spoken to them about changing his school and they say I’m just been unreasonable and so does our social worker but I hate it everyday when I take him and I sit there worrying everyday about his safety even the safeguarding leader says I’m just feeding into his emotions too much and letting him walk all over me

OP posts:
TTCaxristi · 10/06/2024 19:34

Move him to a different school as soon as you can. They can’t keep him safe so you have to.

TudorClock · 10/06/2024 19:35

I moved mine

I agree with the pp. that I wouldn't continue going into a workplace where this was happening.

Original poster
chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:35

Thank you for making me see that I’m not just overreacting by wanting to change his school I will be definitely doing that whether they like it or not

OP posts:
bearcubb · 10/06/2024 19:40

Definitely move schools. Time to make some big changes and put him first, no matter the cost. I am sorry this is happening x

TudorClock · 10/06/2024 19:43

I would take your child to the GP, explain the comments re self harm, get it onto his medical notes and ask the GP if they should move.

I found if I said , I think my child needs to move school they just ignored me. But when I said I'm moving them on medical advice, they soon made it happen. They didn't really care about my child, but they did care about getting themselves in hot water by going against medical advice.

Iloveyoubut · 10/06/2024 19:43

Obviously bullying is awful, I’ve been through it and my son went through it for a while years ago at the hands of one boy who was a ringleader and had a multitude of problems going on at home. With the best intentions and genuinely coming from a place of caring, is there anything going on at home/with your son etc that could be making him a target? No one deserves to be bullied, no one, but trying to see if there is a reason why they might be targeting him, prior to potentially moving schools, might be a good idea so it doesn’t follow him and it was aomethng I looked at when it happened to my son.

Shootingstars999 · 10/06/2024 19:43

You need to go to the head and demand a meeting!! Take someone with you if possible.
Be assertive and tell them you will take it further if nothing gets done.
I agree with other posts that a new school might be a good idea.
I work in a comprehensive school and the staff would safeguard students in this position. ❤️

Billyandharry · 10/06/2024 19:49

Hassle the head/head of behaviour/whoever until they do something. They have a duty of care and those boys need an almighty bollocking.
Completely unacceptable - if he moves they win and there's no consequences for the little shits.
Kick up a stink and move anyway but it's so common and sooo awful they need to know someone's on to them
Good luck!

0psiedasiy · 10/06/2024 19:49

@chrissie941 can you put together a list of dates and examples? (Even if it's just one), also do you have names of children?
take this to school and ask how they are going to protect your child (and if they say a xx comes from a bad home say you don't care that doesn't mean your child should be bullied- this is what they tried to tell me I said I would call the police if they believed the other c hold was being harmed that much that my child had to be bullied)
The G P advice is also really good.

Iloveyoubut · 10/06/2024 19:53

The awful thing is, quite often no matter what you do, schools do nothing. That’s the truth.

Original poster
chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:54

I’ve got the names I keep a log and also have cctv footage of them booting my door my sons been to the gp a few times about it and he’s now back to having counselling and they just keep telling me that they’ll speak to the children involved or the new one is that they’re now saying my sons a liar

OP posts:
Original poster
chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:58

@Iloveyoubut my son lost his grandad almost 2 year ago to cancer, my sister recently had both her children taken into foster care and my son was quite close to her children and his dog was put to sleep in November so he’s already had a lot going on and this all started roughly after my dad passed

OP posts:
Shootingstars999 · 10/06/2024 20:01

Contact OFSTED. You have complained and nothing has got done. You have got evidence !!
This is completely unacceptable!!!
Even if you transfer your son to another school you need to take action.
Your sons mental health is at risk.
Does the school know he has got thoughts of self harming ?

Balloonhearts · 10/06/2024 20:04

Does he have an older sibling or cousin who could step in and give them a pasting warn them off? If not, I'd do it myself. Wait outside the school for the bullies, follow them home, knock on the door and tell their parents what their little shits have been up to and make it very clear that one more scratch on my son would have the police at their door.

Billyandharry · 10/06/2024 20:07

@Balloonhearts I have to say your method is quite 70's but I'm totally with you. Too many kids get bullied it's seen as part of life and it just shouldn't be.

Billyandharry · 10/06/2024 20:09

Op you are not over reacting- every mum wants to protect their child. And the school should be stepping up.

LizzieBennett73 · 10/06/2024 20:10

When my DD was being bullied, and school were doing nothing I went direct to the local education department. I refused to send her in as school couldn't guarantee her safety and because she wasn't attending it kicked all the wheels into motion. I only regret not doing it sooner.

FairFuming · 10/06/2024 20:14

My 7 yo had an issue with bullying. I've started her in martial arts classes and it's really helped her confidence. Also she's made friends with the boys in her class and suddenly the bullying from another other boy in the class stopped. If it hadn't the next step was to change schools. The fact that people are telling you not to is crazy. Have you tried to find him some counselling? It can really help.

iamawarriorwhojustcrieseasily · 10/06/2024 20:17

Poor little love. And a big hug to you. Its a horrible feeling knowing that is going on.

Ask him what he wants you to do. And if he agrees, then move him immediately.

You owe nobody an explanation, if you feel that he will have a better experience at a different school ( and he clearly will ) and he has asked, then you move him, it's as simple as that! Pay no mind to what anybody thinks or says. " This school is not right for my child" ends the conversation, surely?

If he doesnt want to move though, then as i said. Ask him what he wants you to do. There may be room to make things happen under school reasonable adjustment policies. ( You may have to remind school they exist though. They forget sometimes and double down on the easiest options for them )

Kickboxing or another martial art isnt a bad idea either.

I moved my DS ( 8) for a lot less, i was guided by him and gut instinct, and it was life changing for him. The things that have come to light since have been sickening. And to top it all off, after gaslighting me for a year, demonising him, and allowing him to be ostracized by the children of parent volunteers ( that simply had a problem with me.) .it transpired they were actually claiming for him under SEN, and was on the SEN register without my knowledge. I only found this out after i moved him.

He now receives the support he needs, has had his condition recognized, and has built up a positive social network at school. He is a different child.

Honestly just get him out of there.

Good luck. 🤗

Iloveyoubut · 10/06/2024 20:22

chrissie941 · 10/06/2024 19:58

@Iloveyoubut my son lost his grandad almost 2 year ago to cancer, my sister recently had both her children taken into foster care and my son was quite close to her children and his dog was put to sleep in November so he’s already had a lot going on and this all started roughly after my dad passed

That’s awful, so much in a short period and I’m so sorry for your loss, having this happen on top of it all is just terrible. As much as it’s easier to move schools, I’d be included to fight this out until it’s resolved, I’ve seen people here mention OFSTED etc, this is awful for your son and for you, the school have to be held accountable for this, I wonder if there’s an associations who could offer support with advocating for you and your son with the school, I’ll have a look, I hope someone comes along who can help, I’m so sorry this is happening.

Princesspollyyy · 10/06/2024 20:28

Just to add that if you want to change your child's school, it's nothing to do with his current school and there is no reason to speak to them about it. Don't get them involved.

Just find a new school with a place, go and look around and contact your council's school admissions team to get it done. It's a fairly quick process.