oking for some advise feeling like i have no one to talk to about this.
My DD is 8, only child, started school during covid so never initially made solid friendships until yr2. She was also the only child from her nursery and is a year younger than most in class as started aged 4. She has a group of 3 girls she mainly plays with and I actively try and invite them over and let her go to playdates. One of the girls is absolutely fine yes the have the odd disagreement but on the whole i wouldnt necessarily see her as an issue.
Another had a run in with 1 at the end of yr3 over nasty phone messages trying to get my daughter to pick who she like best between them my daughter was told not to reply as any answer would hurt someones feeling (the one she is closest to as we live in the same street) I spoke to the mum and we got it sorted. Over the last few months I have noticed the same behaviours starting again not letting her play, cheeky comments, telling her shes not good at anything, running away from her at the school gates even though we've walked to school together etc
And 1 who I don't think has ever taken to my daughter 100% she plays with her and comes to play dates when asked but rarely asks my daughter to hers she is probably the alpha they all look up to. I also feel this parent wouldn't be open to chat as she is one of the parents that doesn't see her child does any wrong.
I've noticed when they are all 1-1 or are all here they play great, but when they are in school or their houses there has been a few things like trying to frighten my daughter, telling her they need a chat and she can't hear, running away from her etc. When the girl shes had a fall out with before isn't in there are no issues whatsoever. Don't get me wrong this isn't every day but has been more frequent recently. My daughter seems to always be the butt of the joke.
I have encouraged my daughter not to let things get to her and sometimes no reaction will stop it but to make sure everyone is included. Shes also been told to question them when they say she cant join in. The others can have fall outs too then she seems to pick up the pieces but if it's her they all turn on her together.
I started my daughter in outside activities and the same girls joined the same classes.
The girls are allowed to do things I don't allow like go to the park 4/5 streets away on their own and they seem to like to goad my daughter with this. I take them to the park and go walking around the field next to it with the dog and get myself a coffee so I'm not interfering but there incase anything were to happen. One of the mums had a conversation with me and was in agreement that they needed to show more responsibility first then the next week did the opposite.
They keep telling her all about the sleepovers they are having. I have only just let my daughter stay at once and she is due to be at one of these girls sleep over parties this weekend.
None of my friends have children the same age their either older or younger. We have no other children on our street.
My husband sees the same, but it doesn't worry him, whereas today, it has really gotten to me. I just want to cry for her shes just seems to always be on the outskirts of the group and the rebound friend. I'm running out of what to say to her, I do not believe that she is innocent in every situation but I have brought her up not to be mean or leave people out but also to stick up for herself. Academically she is smashing school and is doing better than some of these girls so I don't think in that respect shes any different. I just can't seem to pin point what I can do to help or is this some kind of right of passage and it will sort its self. I don't ever remember primary school being this hard. Or girls being this mean. I also wouldn't call it bullying as they do play with her and include her at times.
sorry to be long winded I just need and advice, im now starting to think is the way I parent the issue and am i saying the wrong things.
Thanks for any reply in advance