I think he's being bullied but he won't admit it

[Anonmum11]

Last year my son (11 at the time) started asking me things like "why am I so small and weak?" He asked for a punch bag for his birthday and having a fear of being put down a set maths so strong he would cry the night before their tests and get really agitated. I had no concerns in his ability in maths and neither did his teacher but every time a test came up this worry would come also. He admitted he was being bullied and we spoke to the school about it a few times. The boy was in the set below my son in maths so he was scared of ending up in the class with him. The bully would say out loud when he was in earshot that "it's babyish to tell parents you're being bullied." He was getting panicked and saying we were making it worse. The last time we called the school they again spoke to the boy and my son began telling us he wasn't having problems with the boy anymore although I feel it was odd how suddenly it stopped.

Recently he has started doing press ups and talking about being weak again. When he gets in from school and I ask if he had a good day he says "mmhmm" which he used to do also. The fear of being moved down a set in maths never went away, he doesn't sleep hardly the night before a test despite steadily improving with each test he takes and him feeling pleased with his achievement afterwards.

This morning we noticed the hood of his coat was filled with pens. At first he denied the pens were even there even though we had plainly seen them. Then his dad asking him if he was being bullied and he screamed "no!" with his eyes red and watery. I asked him why he was so upset and he started saying "you think I am a small weak child that nobody cares about" etc I was so shocked, we definitely don't think that and have never said anything like that to him. I said that was not true at all and please just tell us what is going on. He was so angry and crying and saying "nothing"

I really believe he is still being bullied but I don't know what to do next. He will not admit it, if I talk to the school I think they will just speak to him again and he will deny it. Please help

How awful for you all. Your poor son is likely being bullied still. Kids can be bloody evil

Can you speak to the school and get the teacher to speak to him and explain he will not be moving maths class. if he does start struggling in maths they/you will do whatever that needs to be done to ensure he will NOT be moved down a set and that would be an absolute last resort

Maybe the punch bag and feeling weak is an internal thing for him so perhaps encouraging him to do his punch bag and get us anger out ISNT a bad thing. Maybe get him some weights and help in train. It could help him with his beliefs and make him believe he is strong and won't be so effected by this silly bully?

Would be be brave enough to say any comebacks to this kid? Nothing serious but maybe an eye roll or laughing it off or if this kids says anything can you encourage him to get his bag and leave the classroom/ canteen or wherever for some space? Perhaps a teacher could tell him where there is a safe space for him to retreat to when this kid makes comments. There's only so much 'ignoring' a bully you can do before it effects you.

Can there be an assembly on bullying?

@Anonmum11 Sorry your son is going through this. There is always a fear with the child that reporting will escalate it but if it does and it is a good school they come down even harder on the bully and more sanctions are put in place. Both of my children have experienced bullying in secondary both repeated verbal and sadly physical but the school is great and shut it down fast every time.

The school will have a bullying policy on their website, look at that and see what steps they take to resolve the issues. If it escalates what happens next? You don't want yours to become a school refusal issue so email the school now, today. You want a paper trail, dates and incidents help. Even if you have a phone call (I used an app on my phone to automatically record phone calls so I could transcribe them later) follow it up with an email, we discussed this and then this is what will happen next.

It is safeguarding and that is the key word, they are meant to keep your child safe and this includes from verbal attacks.

And of course the bully would say it is babyish to report bullying to your parents, he gets a kick out of doing it and doesn't want to stop feeling better about himself. Tell your son happy people don't go around trying to put other people down, he does that to make himself feel better. There is something about your son that makes the bully feel inferior so he lashes out at your son. I am sorry you are going through this. If it helps Ds2 got called "short" at sixth form by some nasty girls, he is 5'11" he knows he has no control over his height. Luckily he just laughs in their faces.