Mothers Bullying and condoning daughters behaviour

[CrazyTortoiseLady]

I'd like some advice over a situation that happened with my 11 year old daughter on her recent year 6 leavers camping event.
My daughter arrived with her father and they started to set up. The other parents , all mothers except for one dad. When my daughter got there she was informed by her girlfriends that they were all sleeping in the same tent except for her. This obviously upset her massively and she instantly wanted to go home. My daughter is autistic and has high anxiety (the other mums know this).
My husband couldn't believe it and so spoke to the other mums who agreed and said that as she had always woken them up at other sleep overs she wasn't allowed to sleep in with the other girls.
My daughter was distraught, sat on her own and sobbing. Luckily her older sister was there for the first couple of hours to comfort and reassure her. Over the next hour my daughter was approached by four mums all at once, not trying to include her but trying to tell her why she wasn't allowed to sleep with the others. Someone looking on told me that my daughter was curled up and crying at this point, obviously overwhelmed and feeling hurt. Her sister stayed with her and talked her into staying, doing her best to boost her confidence.
One of the mums then approached my 13 year old and told her off for making it a big deal and making it worse for her sister. It was a big deal, they were intimidating and condoning bullying from their daughters. My 13 year old couldn't believe that she was spoken to in that way by another parent.
Eventually my husband talked one mum into letting her stay in the tent. This only happened when he became very abrupt and told them they were bullying an 11 year old, being rude and overall just cruel.
The behaviour of the group of girls and also mothers has meant that my daughter's memories are of hurt and isolation, not being good enough.
The women in question were supposedly my friends.
Do I say something? I have taken a couple of days to calm down but just think their behaviour was unforgivable. Why would middle aged women think it was ok to isolate and leave out one child which they know is very anxious and vulnerable? I would appreciate peoples views on the situation and if I should say something. Thanks

Why on earth didn’t your husband take her home??!! She was curled in a ball sobbing after being bullied by her entire class and their mothers and she was made to spend the night with them? And you’re wringing your hands over whether you should say something?

He did say he would take her home and told the mothers this. He was on the verge of taking the tent down and then one of the mothers changed their mind and started to try and sort it out. She decided she wanted to stay and eventually was allowed to sleep in the tent with the others (she didn't wake them up).
His initial reaction was to just leave but he wanted to try and get her included so she could stay at her leavers do.

I should add that there were also the boys in her year there and she was friendly with them. She chose to stay after a chat with her sister.

Parents in schools are a mix, you get genuinely kind inclusive ones and unhinged manipulative ones who are in for a very rude awakening once their perfect children are in secondary.

Report the facts to school that is all

I'm aware of that with three girls. The behaviour of these women still took me by surprise. It was a leavers trip and they had obviously decided this before she had arrived. How they could sit back initially and watch her cry on her own is beyond cruel.

So not a school event? Who was staying with kids - the parents? Was your daughter invited? It was wrong to not include her, it would have been better to have a plan of how to manage it so if she's struggling/keeping others awake she goes with her dad. I personally would have took her home. I probably wouldn't say any more to parents but I'd tell head or senco and be mindful of it in the future.

No bloody way would I have left my child there. It was a volatile from the start and she already has high anxiety. She was allowed in the tent but not really wanted.

It sounds really badly handled all round.

They should have sorted who was in the tents beforehand, not left it to the last minute. If she does wake everyone up then they’re allowed to not to want that, but to leave it to the last minute was out of order. I don’t agree it’s bullying to not want to share a tent with her.

BUT were they the only girls she could have gone in a tent with? So if she didn’t go with them she was excluded from the activity completely?

If I was your husband I wouldn’t have left her there for an hour crying in a ball on the floor.

We have informed the school but the event was organised by parents.

All you can do is take everything you brought with you and leave with your child. If that means there aren’t enough tents too bad too sad.

She wasn't left there on her own. My husband was stayed in a tent. My 13 year old took her for a walk after she initially found out and so she wasn't left in a ball on her own. My husband and her sister dealt with it very sensitively with her. It was the actions of the other mothers and their daughters that was the issue. It is a small school and so only six girls and six boys. She was the only girl that the mothers tried to exclude. She didn't wake them up and it appeared to be an excuse by the mothers as they then changed it to not enough room.
My daughter chose to stay and in the end did have some fun, mainly hanging out with the boys.
Please don't make this out to be badly handled by our family and her best interests were always considered. She did have support from her sister and my husband. She was given the choice whether she would like to stay or not.

Bare in mind that we live in a small village and know all the parents and children involved. My daughter was invited along with all the 14 year 6 children. I even sent dessert.
We were not made aware of this until my daughter arrived. It came as such a horrible shock to us all. My husbands initial reaction was to drop the tent and leave but he chose to try to resolve the issue with the parents as he knew them.

Their behavior was terrible. But does your daughter have a habit of waking people up? I agree your husband should have brought her home.