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Bullying

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How to support my teen

2 replies

Katrinawaves · 06/07/2023 18:02

My 13 year old DS has come home again in tears because he was followed home from school by 3 older boys who were taunting him and videoing him on their phones. There was no violence or threatened violence this time but the same group of boys have in the past threatened him with scissors and hit him with a traffic cone.

I’d be the first to admit my DS takes things to heart and is not very resilient when unpleasant things are said to him - though he has been told by one kid that he should kill himself and has also had other nasty personal jibes.

School do address issues as they arise but this doesn’t stop him getting upset by what’s going on. He gets panic attacks when things are very bad. He’s previously had help from CAMHs but they have discharged him and won’t accept the school’s re-referral. He is supported by the school counsellor.

He’s asking to move school but this would be the third move in secondary for him and he moved once in primary and I don’t think a different school would be any different. The problem is that teenage boys are quite robust and can be unkind and he is sensitive and takes things personally.

Some of what has happened to him is clearly well beyond the pale - the scissors and suicide jibes of course. But what can I do to help support him through school life? I’m feeling out of my depth here as my other two kids sailed through their school lives with no issues like this

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 06/07/2023 18:15

This is why I don't agree with the long term, 5 day per week school system at all. He'd do better out of school learning by himself. As many children would.

Assuming home schooling is not a possibility though.

We don't force adults to be in institutions against their will. Unless they commit a crime. Why don't children deserve the right to remove themselves from dangerous situations? It's just so wrong.

No wonder so many people end up in abusive relationships. They've been conditioned to think that good things can sometimes be toxic and we just need to stay and get on with it.

And rather than changing the system, we say 'I went through it so he has to too'.

My heart goes out to the wee fellow.
I understand that you don't want to change schools again. And maybe you're right, it won't help. But what does he want? It's his life. If its not a huge inconvenience to you, let him decide.

Drummend01 · 06/07/2023 18:21

Really sorry your son is going through this, kids can be so cruel.

My cousin was bullied a lot in secondary school (saying he fancied with his baby sister, it was disgusting). He was a sensitive boy, much like how you describe your son. Unfortunately it makes them an easy target. His parents put him in karate and a ninja warrior type class and it made such a difference to his confidence. He’s on his way to uni now and still does martial arts. Would this be something your son might enjoy?

If not karate then other extra curricular activities are a great way to make friends outside of the toxic school environment

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