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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

What do I do?

12 replies

Hairyhat · 20/04/2023 20:00

My ds is being horribly bullied. The police have been involved. This hasn't helped. The school are useless and every good teacher seems to leave. He cannot move schools (various reasons). I hate forcing him to go. It feels so wrong and cruel. I am obviously in contact with the school often and nothing is working. He's really suffering. Can you wise lot tell me what our options are please? We were REALLY a bad at home schooling during lockdown so I'd rather avoid ME being his teacher if possible.

OP posts:

Drummend01 · 20/04/2023 21:25

i don’t think you should consider home schooling during the pandemic as actually homeschooling, it was a mad time. There are lots of online home school programmes you could look into that mean fairly minimal involvement from you (depending on your child’s age).

Does he have any hobbies? Encourage him to join some clubs to make friends away from school

StarDolphins · 20/04/2023 21:30

I don’t have any advice but I feel sorry for him & you, this is one of my fears.

Anti-bullying is as important as academic to me. I admit to not knowing how these things work but why is whatever the school are doing not working? Can’t they expel the person/s responsible?

Original poster

Hairyhat · 20/04/2023 21:40

Thanks for the replies. I forgot to say he's 13.
He has a hobby that he does and loves and it's the only good thing in his life.
Yes I will look at online programmes. Do I just search "online schooling"?
He is also being assessed for ADHD so I'm not sure he would be able to concentrate at home.
I'm so sad for him. I keep telling him he's great and the bullies are wrong but he has constant slurs and unfortunately listens to them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hairyhat · 20/04/2023 21:44

The school don't seem to sanction the bullies. I have involved the police (the school's recommendation) as the online stuff was outside of their jurisdiction.
I also know that my DS can be really reactive so will shout out and be seen to be "caught" in the exchange where the other boys are low key and say a lot of things under their breath. They also deny it. I've told my DS to have a phone recording in his pocket but he says he absolutely is not allowed to do this.

OP posts:

Drummend01 · 20/04/2023 22:55

Id start on the gov website and have read up on the rules around home education and then go from there - https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/elective-home-education

I hope things get better for him!

Elective home education

Guidance for local authorities and schools about children educated at home.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/elective-home-education

Findyourneutralspace · 20/04/2023 22:57

I know you say the reasons he can’t move school are complicated, and you don’t have to go into them here, but is it an absolute impossibility? Are there hurdles that could be overcome?
My DS was horribly bullied and a change of school was a really good fresh start for him.

Original poster

Hairyhat · 21/04/2023 07:24

Thanks @Drummend01 very useful

OP posts:

coronafiona · 21/04/2023 07:26

Find a way for him to move schools even though it's difficult .

ironorchids · 21/04/2023 07:30

Home school until you can change schools. If it's ongoing and the school aren't doing anything then it could go on until he leaves school at 16/18, which would be terrible.

To make friends outside school, maybe try involving him in extracurriculars like scouts or volunteering. Something cheap or free that is helpful to the community will also hopefully self select out the meaner kids.

Original poster

Hairyhat · 21/04/2023 10:31

I'll try and explain even though it might be outing:
He is gay and we live rurally so the only other option would be a catholic school. He is adamant they are homophobic at this catholic school (he has a few friends from his hobby that go there) so doesn't want to even consider it.
His hobby is good for attracting kids that are nicer. It's also a charity so yes the nastier kids are weeded out.

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Findyourneutralspace · 21/04/2023 11:47

Have you actually been and looked at the catholic school? Both my children went to catholic school - three different high schools in total, and homophobia wasn’t an issue.

Bullying was an issue in one but our experience was that they were very inclusive - and not just for catholics.

They were generally more culturally diverse than the non-catholic, as a lot of Muslim families chose a faith school over non faith, lots of European families preferred the Catholic school etc - and there were definitely plenty of gay pupils.

I wouldn’t rule it out on that basis. I’d go and have a look around. It will likely be stricter but that’s what keeps the bullying in check.

Original poster

Hairyhat · 22/04/2023 10:06

Thanks @Findyourneutralspace it's something to consider (that those saying it's homophobic could be wrong)

OP posts:

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