DD bullied since starting secondary

[HerbErtlinger]

Hi just looking for advice really. My DD12 has experienced bullying from a group of four girls since starting in year 7 (currently in year 8). Started out as name calling but has escalated this year to shoving, being cornered in the toilets and pushed around, she's been slapped across the face, pushed over on the way home and last night was chased and had her hair pulled then threatened with being beaten up if she told the school. The girls have been excluded from school a few times as consequence and we have reported to the police and had the safer schools team speak with them. After the hair pulling incident last night I contacted the head of year who responded that the girls aren't listening to the school or the safer schools team and I should contact the police.
I just need some advice as to what to do next. DD really doesn't want to move schools especially as one of the bullies has just recently moved to the other school in the local area. I just feel frustrated that I can't safeguard DD and I don't know what my next step should be. Thank you

Your poor DD. I would take the school’s advice and contact the police.

Yes get the police involved. I would be raging if this were my daughter

Op this isn’t playground “bullying”

This is shocking abuse

You are her parent and she’s a young teen.

I would move her. No ifs or buts about it.

I would contact the police and before she moved to her next school, if you can afford it I’d get her a private tutor

To have a head essentially admit he and his colleagues are ineffective… well even if the bullying was sorted (it won’t be), I would still move on the basis the school quite clearly is shit

This has been going on for well over a year. Your poor DD

Please tell me you're not sending your daughter in every day?

Remove her immediately. Call the police. Homeschool if needed. Find a new/better school. Take holiday/sickness from your work if needed to do this.

Yes sorry should add I will definitely be contacting the police. My concern about moving her is that it will be to a school one of the bullies has moved to without the support of her friendship group

Well then find another

this needs to be your full time job OP. Getting your daughter out is a dangerous and escalating environment 5 days a week and she’s been enduring this for over a year.

the school have admitted they can’t protect your daughter. So you have to really step up

Does your daughter have any friends?

These feral children are out of hand these days. What on earth is going on?! Keep your daughter at home and report the little [insert colourful name here] to the police!! Your poor DD.

Absolutely contact the police. Why haven't you already?
The school sounds shit, but they'll always be more constrained than the police anyway, when it comes to outside school assaults on your daughter.

I'd be homeschooling, as of today .

police, Head teacher, Governor’s. Go to town on this. Are the parents of the bullies involved? If not, why not?

Homeschool her until the situation is sorted. It will very damaging for her to suffer any more of this abuse. I really feel awful for her. Bullies are vile.

To be honest Op

You need to do something drastic TODAY

i would be taking leave from work. If she’s at school I’d be collecting her. I’d be setting up a private tutor (if you can afford if not I’d be asking school to assist and they bloody well should given they can’t protect my daughter, with home schooling). Meanwhile I’d be contacting every other school (reading the ofsted report re pastoral care and management very carefully) to try to get my dd in after half term

The school should have a bullying policy available for you to see. There should also be a safeguarding lead on the staff and on the governing board. You should contact these; and OfSted, so that they are alerted to the safeguarding problem. Tell the school you are doing this - OfSted are very hot on safeguarding and the school will respond to any suggestion that their next inspection might be influenced by an adverse safeguarding alert.

The local authority will also have a safeguarding body - in our area it is called a safeguarding partnership - google this for your LA. Contact them and tell them that the school are failing to safeguard your child.

Police are the route to go for out of school bullying. Presumably the names are known, and the police can get the addresses from school.

In the meantime there is no way this poor girl should be pushed into going to school to face this every day. How would we feel if we were enduring this at work every day? She must be kept away; and school asked for home schooling resources while you research other options.

But the bottom line is that the school should be preventing this.

I am a school chair of governors and if such a report came to me I would be all over it.

Thank you, this is very useful. I will do this.

She's not unhappy going to school, she enjoys school and has friends, she doesn't appear to get anxious about going in and is always cheerful leaving in the mornings. She REALLY doesn't want to change schools, gets very upset when I broach the subject because she loves her friends and the clubs she does etc.

I get the impression you all think I am a heartless parent forcing my child to go into school, I assure you I am not. If she wanted to move schools I will do it in a shot. I cannot afford to take leave from work, I don't know many people who would? I have reported it to the police this morning and the girls have been suspended.

I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. I too, have a teenage daughter that is going through something similar. My daughter is not physically getting bullied, however, she experiences verbal abuse on a daily basis as well as being bullied over the internet. If your daughter does not want to switch schools, then I would keep her where she is. Unfortunately, if there are bullies at the other school, it will most likely happen at the new school as well. The school should be taking more action against these kids. At my daughter's school, they have some steps they have to follow. If the bullying continues the students can be expelled. My daughter is very reluctant to report the bullying. I reported it initially and they sat down and talked to the kids that were doing it. If we are to report anything again, the parents get involved. Then I believe they can suspend the kids. There are a couple of steps that they have to take before they can expel the kids. There is a safe schools law that is supposed to protect the victim. That is terrible that your daughter's school seems to done with the issue. I would get the police involved and hopefully, they will work with the school. These students should face some consequences. I am so tired of these mean kids getting away with this malicious behavior. I don't understand how kids have become so outright mean and show no empathy at all for the victim. It is actually scary that they display no remorse for any of their actions. It seems to give them so much satisfaction in making another human feel worthless. I am so sorry for what you are both going through!