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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

13 year old bullied since year 7

31 replies

Nat50 · 05/02/2023 22:15

My son has been constantly bullied since year 7. It seems the kids have turned the whole year against him and he has only 1 friend, who in my opinion isn't good for him either as he puts him down a lot. My son doesn't want to change schools because he is too anxious. He is having counselling but doesn't want to go to school. Do I still send him? I've already had 1 letter from the school about his poor attendance. Some advice would be very welcome

OP posts:

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 22:16

Change schools. He can't simultaneously refuse to change schools and refuse to actually attend the one he's currently in.

Helpthismum · 05/02/2023 22:21

This must be so hard for him and you. Secondary is hard . Unfortunately not a lot is done in schools regarding bullying. Have you complained to the Headteacher? Also is it an academy or a state school ?

Keep a note of all incidents with names of children involved and also teachers you spoke to. Try to research new schools around a change of school can be helpful. Build his confidence slowly and if he wants to try and have some extra curriculars which he enjoys.

RedHead33 · 05/02/2023 22:29

I'd change schools. Your son will be happier in the long run.It's cruel to be kind so to speak. And I'd make sure to tell the new school how badly he's been getting treated so please keep an eye out.
I was badly bullied in primary school, I was actually robbed at one point. It was a living hell and there's only so much teachers can do to step in. Unfortunately I wasn't moved schools and my confidence took a massive knock especially going into high school. I'd Just move him asap OP.

RedHead33 · 05/02/2023 22:29

Cruel to be kind*

JoonT · 05/02/2023 22:36

To be fair, I can understand his fear of moving. I was bullied, but I'd definitely have refused to change schools if the chance had been offered. The thought of walking into a completely new environment, where everybody had already established their friend groups and I knew no one, would have terrified me.

msmatcha · 05/02/2023 22:44

Maybe just take him for a tour round another school, show him the options. Maybe he would agree to a trial day if he liked it? Just show him there's a big world out there and not all children are as horrid as the ones he's with right now. He might be a bit lonely at first... but that might be ok compared to how he feels now. Good luck with it.

RP2211 · 05/02/2023 22:46

Report to head of year/pastoral team. If not happy then you could move schools but they may not have him due to his poor attendance.

anomaly23 · 05/02/2023 23:01

Why has nothing been done about this by the school? Have you been to their parents?

Landlubber2019 · 05/02/2023 23:09

Take him to look at the other schools locally, also are there technical colleges to consider?

Original poster

Nat50 · 06/02/2023 08:23

Thanks everyone, the only other school available to him has got a bad reputation. The headteacher and Pastoral care teacher do know and im going there again today. My son was in tears again last night and couldn't sleep,so rightly or wrongly ive kept him off today. I'm trying to build his confidence and this is what the aim of counselling is. Every day someone picks on him

OP posts:

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 08:27

. Poor little divil

Wibblewibble1 · 06/02/2023 08:30

This is my worst nightmare, but I honestly think a change of schools is needed. As another poster said there is no point staying at same school if he is not going to attend.

SolitudeNotLoneliness · 06/02/2023 08:37

You need to look at other schools or education options.

Re the meeting you have today, what other contact have you had with school since this started to report the bullying to them?

Oblomov23 · 06/02/2023 08:40

Change schools. What is HoY doing about the bullying in the meantime. You have to be firm and persistent, fight for your son!

Sparklingmoonshine · 06/02/2023 08:48

I’m so so sorry your son is going through this.
When you have your meeting today make sure you tell them how awful it has become. Also be very firm with the teachers- this is for them to sort out & fix, this is their problem- what are THEY going to do to meet the needs of your son? When we leave our children at the gate of the school we entrust their care to the adults in that environment. They have failed your son, & now they need to stop this from happening, it is for them to fix. Make sure you get this point across. They need to address why they are allowing bullying to take place in an environment they are in charge of, hold them responsible.

Original poster

Nat50 · 06/02/2023 09:10

I've been up the school numerous times but now they have received a warning from Ofsted about this sort of thing so this has given them a kick up the backside and a bit more power in my court

OP posts:

Helpthismum · 06/02/2023 09:47

Can I ask how did they get a warning from ofsted? Did you complain to the ofsted and if yes how ? I am asking as our primary school is rubbish at dealing with bullying. On numerous occasions they have blamed the victim and find fault with them instead of dealing with the bully and nipping it in the bud unfortunately.

Original poster

Nat50 · 06/02/2023 12:55

The ofsted were due to do a visit and it was picked up then

OP posts:

Knickerthief1 · 06/02/2023 13:10

Have you considered home schooling? There are lots of resources on line if he is at all driven to work? There is a cost to sitting exams as a private candidate though. We had to take my daughter out in Year 10. Best thing we ever did. She is happy at university now.

Oblomov23 · 06/02/2023 13:12

Did you make a compliant, in writing, by email, re the bullying. Take it to parent governors?

RPost · 06/02/2023 13:14

Change schools it doesn't sound like there is anything positive for him at that school x

Original poster

Nat50 · 06/02/2023 15:13

I have considered home schooling but I work plus he won't have any interaction with other people at all as the kids where we live are the ones that pick on them

OP posts:

Sparklingmoonshine · 06/02/2023 18:31

That’s why it’s so important that the teachers at his school deal with the bullying head on. They need to implement a zero tolerance approach. How did you get on today ?
I would definitely look at keeping your son at home until things improve.
The head teacher needs to start taking accountability for their part in this, and insist on finding out their new proactive plan that they will be implementing, before taking matters higher. Let them know that this will be happening. I know confrontation is difficult- but you’re going to have to be very assertive in this.
Bullying should not ever be tolerated.
To help your son’s self esteem & anxiety & confidence have you thought about martial arts training ?

Angelik · 06/02/2023 19:10

The other school's reputation can't be worse than what he is currently experiencing. Get him out now before he is permanently damaged. Are they bullying him outside of school? What about social media? You've got to pull up your bootstraps!

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 19:35

Did you have the meeting today, op?

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