Hi all, I've come here for advice following countless unproductive meetings at school.
My younger daughter has has problems since her first term at secondary single sex school (we are now yr 9). She fell out with the 'popular' group and they have been consistently unkind to her, name calling, excluding, isolating and trying to control and block other friendships in the class. There have been some incidents and times where it has been violent and threatening and the school have issued sanctions where necessary but the overall environment for my daughter has not improved. She tries to keep away from the girls involved but is subject to whispering and daily comments from them. She has been extremely upset and affected, self harming and suicidal thoughts and has been supported both in school and outside of school. More recently, comments have escalated and become more aggressive in their tone and finally my daughter along with another girl who had also been targeted made a formal allegation that they were being bullied. The school has encouraged my daughter to come to them and make a report if the unkindness continued.
The other group were aware this had happened and responded by making their own allegations that my daughter had said unkind things. The other girls chose to keep their statements anonymous and confidential which meant that the school could not tell my daughter or me what she had 'supposedly' done. This of course has been frustrating, it's very much a she said/they said scenario with no real evidence and as such there is not much the school has been able to do aside from telling the girls to try to get along and promising teamwork exercises. To be clear, my daughter has a history of truth telling to myself and the school and usually owns up to any wrong doings. She has no recollection of being unkind to these girls and tells the school and me that she said and did nothing. Of course the school are unable to tell me what my daughter has 'done'
I also have an older daughter in the school, she has an impeccable reputation with staff and pupils and has a heart of gold. The same group of girls have now begun to make allegations against her that she has been violent to them. On the first occasion of this, other girls were around at the time of the alleged incident and came forward to verify my daughter's account of events. There has now been a second allegation made about her by we believe a different girl from that group. There is no evidence again and it seems completely fabricated. We know that these girls have been asking other students to lie for them and back their story as this has been reported to my older daughter. The school have a duty to investigate these claims and of course the other child's parents want my daughter to be sanctioned as they stand by their own child who is painting my daughter as the bully/villain. I do think that at the moment the school think the other girls are making up these claims but they cannot be seen to take sides. We can't help but think these girls are trying to target both sisters (the older one has never even spoken with them at school - she has nothing to do with them) and we don't know what to do next?
My older daughter is extremely distressed to be accused of these things and this is is completely damaging her reputation and school career, as well as distracting her from her schoolwork. She has gone from loving school a few weeks ago to dreading going in. The school have told her to keep away from these younger girls if she sees them - why should she when she is baffled as hasn't done anything or even spoken to them.
What should the school be doing here - can they accuse the other girls of lying/wasting time? They've told us all they can do is listen and investigate and not come down heavy, there is never any concrete evidence so it's all just left unresolved with all parties upset and a cloud hanging over my girls who have been accused. What should they be saying to the parents? My husband wants to speak with a lawyer about false accusations and defamation of character, parents can bring a civil case against a minor's parents. We just want this all to stop as we are seeing now both our daughters on this downward spiral and think the other girls will just continue to work in their group and make a variety of claims.
I would really appreciate any useful advice on next steps. Thanks