What do you do with a child who doesn't want to report bullying?

[Stclements115]

Hello, I've never had to deal with potential bullying before so I would love your opinions. My child is in year 7 and there is an older child (year unknown as yet) who apparently low-level bullies everyone in the years below them. This recently manifested itself in the older child taking my child's Rubiks cube and then not giving in back, saying -as far as I can make out- they had given it to another child who had dropped it and broken it, so they couldn't give it back 🙄

It is SO HARD to get any information out of my child, but this is what I have. It doesn't sound like this is hardcore, direct bullying, which is why I said 'low level' above. In the words of my child this older kid is 'just a dick to everyone'. At what point does just being a dick turn into actual bullying? In my opinion this is basically stealing and verging on bullying, if it isn't already. My child does't want to do anything about it.

It's becoming clear there is a very fine line to tread between reporting stuff to the school that needs to be reported, and making sure that my child still trusts me enough to tell me when things like this happen.
What would you do?!
X

Bump

Following for advice... it's a really tough situation and one I have been finding myself in. We have the additional issue that the boys who are mean stick up for each other so reporting often backfires 😔

Hey ❤️ Hopefully someone will come along with some experience/advice. The mother in us just wants to go up the school, make a bit of a scene, but I can see how that would just cause more trouble.

My suggestion would be that you contact the head of year by email, say you're not entirely clear what the situation is (or what the rules are about bringing toys to school) but it seems as though your DS has felt forced to hand over his Rubiks cube to an older student etc etc. Say your DS doesn't want to report it but you feel as though it's the sort of thing that could become bullying if repeated. Ask them to keep an eye on things but not to tell DS you've been in touch.

I second this.

It's possible that teachers can keep an eye on things without students finding out.

We do it all the time.

And if a member of staff does spot something then at least it can be dealt with and in that way it didn't come directly from you so your child would never know.

Also if this student is being a dick to everyone, then chances are staff will spot him being a dick to someone other than your child.

They'll then deal with it and hopefully it will sort out the issues with your child too.

I hope that makes sense.

Only just saw these last replies- thank you! I appreciate your advice xx

I would report it. Bullies thrive in silence. My son was recently violently attacked by two school bullies who started on him with low level harassment.