scjool refusing to deal with bullying

[claire760121]

Hi, I'm new to this site,
just want to know what peoples views are on schools refusing to deal with bullying,
my son has ASD and has been the subject of bullying in class for 2 and a half years,
thanks to a tiktok video called the Pumpkin meme
My child gets called "Pumpkin" and "broccoli" in class almost everyday,
the school has not only failed to deal with the bullies,
but they have now resorted to ingnoring my son's claims,
and want him to get used to being called vegetable names,
the new head teacher, brought in to deal with the bullying
simply said" oh well kids can be cruel" "we need to get your son used to being called names"
imo the school staff are only interested in protecting their reputation

since Sept the school have never once phoned me to tell me my son has been called names,
despite him telling me almost every day that he has been called names.

last week the school crossed the line by giving my son a 5 day suspension, for lashing out in
class after being called "broccoli" and having the teachers telling him he misheard the word.
my son totally disputes this, and I will believe my son over the teachers any day of the week,
IMO I believe the school head teacher and other staff are directly responible for my child lashing out,
yet my child gets punished for it? how on Earth is this right?

I want to pull my son out of school for his own safety and wellbeing,
but I'm affraid of ther backlash,
I would love to hear advice from other parents who have had to deal with bad school and teachers

What backlash are you worried about?

If you believe that the head has not dealt with your complaint satisfactorily, then your next step (if you don't want to with withdraw your DS) is to complain to the Chair of Governors.

your son received a five day suspension for violence for being called a word that in no way whatsoever could be regarded as offensive.

for three years I was called tomato for coming back from holiday very very burnt! No big deal. Had it been…. “Tomato-faced sticking cow” then yes - a problem

I want to pull my son out of school for his own safety and wellbeing,

i suspect the school will fully and wholly support this (and no doubt be very very relieved)

How are the staff "directly" responsible for your son lashing out at other children?

I'm not familiar with the video, can you confirm how it's offensive? Is it to do with his ASD?

How many times have you contacted school about this name calling, previously to the suspension?

It matters because if he got this suspension and then go "yeah but...." he has been name called for ages yada yada, that's too late to do anything about what used to happen.

Likewise, if you're basing this on your son saying he has reported this to school, then I'd listen to shst school say first. He could well just be trying to minimise taking responsibility for his unacceptable behaviour.

However, if you have a documented and provable history of:

• emails you sent to school about the name calling

• replies or meetings with agreed outcomes

• follow ups when this happened again.

• details of agreed actions

Then this is a different matter.

It is not unusual (in fact quite usual) that children and their parents try to minimise personal responsibility for a suspension, with "yeah, but..." examples deflection.

Any random word or item name can be upsetting, when the point of someone calling another person by that word, is to upset them.

I had this as a child, I was called a number of things which don't sound bad until you understand how they were said, and why.

The school are being cunts here, because the point is that your child is upset and the antagonists know that if they keep pushing, your child will explode and get into trouble.

They are failing in their duty of care to him, and are not ensuring he is supported to not reach the point of reaction. Punishing him for reacting as an autistic person is likely to, to being namecalled repetitively, is not on.

I would escalate a complaint about the bullying to the governors at this point.

I hope you have a paper trail of the responses from the school as you will be expected to prove you have bought the issue to the schools attention.

I am presuming this is in relation to the video that has been been circulated as a meme of people with disabilities naming their favourite vegetables? If so I would say your son is being referred to by the vegetables mentioned is being done in direct relation to his disability, and any school should be taking this very seriously.

@claire760121
I know how you feel OP.
My dn went through this and even when he was cornered in the corridor with bullies chanting names at him teachers walked past and ignored it.
This went on for about 3 years.
The Ht didnt care and did nothing.
Eventually dn lashed out just to get away and was then expelled by the school.
The bullies were clever and never touched dn but got in his face constantly.
The next school he attended told my db that it's easier to expel a bullied dc than deal with a group of bullies.
Imo my db should have withdrawn my dn sooner. 13 years on he has never had a proper job and prefers to stay in the house even though with family he is articulate and obviously intelligent.

My advise is if you can then home school your dc or find a school where bullying is taken seriously.

I got the school my son went to to take bullying seriously by taking him to the doctor who could see how it was effecting him and then the doctor wrote to the headmaster. Amazing what a difference that makes.
it seems some people don’t understand bullying, don’t let them put you off.

They expelled him on the basis of one incident?

either this is not true and there was a catalogue of Incidents
or
that one incident was very very serious and violent

The school have a duty of care - in loco parentis. They are failing and will do everything they can to prove they are not.
Have a look at the educational freedom website.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by saying that the new Head Teacher was "brought in to deal with the bullying." Are you saying that the previous HT left because of a failure to deal with such behaviour? How do you know this?

If a black child was being called the N word, I doubt you would say the same, calling a child for his disability is no different to racial abuse. I'm shocked at some peaoples lack of understanding abuse

Yes the previous head teacher was sacked after failinmg to deal with the school bullies, a new head teacher was brought in, and he wnet against ofsted and parents views

I've written to the head teracher, stating my child will be home schooled until a good school can be found

yes it is,

the school want my son to get used to being called Pumpkin and Broccoli because of his disability, try telling a black kid to get used to being called the N word and see how that goes GRRR!!!

I suspect the truth here is somewhat more nuanced than you are suggesting. If your ds is being called something he dislikes then yes the school should deal with it.
If your ds is coming home and telling you but is not reporting it at the time then that is an issue. It is impossible to investigate claims that 'it happens all the time'. The school needs to know when it happened, who was there and exactly what was said. This includes anything your ds might have said.

Your ds being violent in class is not excusable.

You can of course move your child to a different school. In fact I am confused as to why you haven't after two years of bullying. It suggests that there is more to this than you describe.

What do you mean ' a good school can be found'? Just approach another school and register him there. How long does it take to ring all the local 'good' rated schools and ask if they have a place?

I don’t blame you for pulling him out. If there is a suitable different school with a place I’d move him immediately. If you do pull him out without an alternative school to go to, the LA won’t be at all interested in helping you find a new school, you will have to do it yourself.

Suspension is always given for violence in my school, even if the child was provoked. We would, however, deal with the bullying as well.

I presume you have explained to the school about how the nickname is related to his disability. (I’m a teacher and I wouldn’t know that.) If you have, they clearly don’t care about students with SEN so I wouldn’t want him in the school even if they did deal with the bullying!

This is a genuine question but how does being called broccoli or pumpkin on a par with the N word?

I think OP is trying to say that ableist bullying should be as unacceptable as racist bullying (and if the context loudbatperson provides is correct, it’s definitely ableist bullying). Unfortunately lots of schools don’t agree and it’s one of the many ways that mainstream schools fail children with SN.

OP, have you explained to head the context of the name calling (ie. related to a Tik Tok about disabled people) so it’s clear that your son is being targeted because of his SN?

In my experience the school is well aware of who the bully is. They do not suspend the victims.

What’s being called pumpkin or broccoli got to do with your son having ASD?