Toddler being bullied

[RSW3]

My 3.5 year old has been coming to me to let me know that a child is pushing him and I have told him to tell that the child "No, that's not kind and stop it" I have also told him to tell the teacher.This has been happening in a private nursery setting and I have had a few incident forms with regards to these types of incidents"mainly pushing" but recently there was one stating that the child hit him with a piece of wood across the back of the head" I was not happy about this atall and i am aware that they are not allowed to use any type of discipline and that the parent in question is very aware as it is a daily occurrence with it happening to other children too.Most recently whilst my son was bitten and again I was made aware of this but on the way home my son said that he got hit in the winkey, head and legs before the bite and he has come out in a ton of bruises! When I asked him what he did he said he cried and he tells the teacher and he wants to tell the child's mum and now he's asking my family members if we can beat the child up 😔 because he's not allowed to hit.. . . I know what I want to tell him to do when I see red! Going up the school soon to address this for the second time as it's taking place there too and the nursery say they will keep an eye on it.I'm fed up of my son sobbing his heart out and now not wanting to go.Has anyone dealt with similar before and or can offer some guidance or help please? Really appreciate in advance.

Well surely ds won't be going back there? Report them to Offsted and look elsewhere for a nursery place.

Why can't the nursery discipline the child? They have a duty of care to keep
Everyone safe and they are not doing it! I would be demanding to speak to the manager tomorrow. If you are in a position to I would refuse to send in DC until measures were put in place.

Let's be clear here, your toddler is not being bullied. Small children are not bullies. What is happening is that little kids with poor impulse control are being improperly supervised and not given the tools to manage their feelings better.

The other children are not the problem. The adults are the problem. Do not send your child back.

This !

Yeah your attitude is the reason some kids are little twats. You excuse their behaviour. Little kids can be bullies and OP's son is being bullied. Don't you try to minimise the fact.

It's parents (if you are one) like you who raise bullies.

What @MolliciousIntent said

@PinkButtercups what a load of rot. Maybe read up a little about child development.

Yep, agree.

I’d love to know the age cut off between ‘bullying’ and ‘poor impulse control’.
4? 5? 7? 10?

So what age does it become bullying then?

Bullying was maybe a poor choice of word but you get where I'm coming from.I have seen the parent before this started (approx 8 weeks ago) in a park and my child was pushed to the ground from behind and the parents reaction was very mild and soft. I have considered changing nursery/school settings but he has friends where he is too and the child by what I gather is not just doing to to my son.The private nursery are not allowed to give any form of discipline (Time out ect) because it's classed as discrimination or whatever they call it

You need to raise Merry hell. The nursery are failing in their duty of care to provide a safe environment for the children. We went through similar. The children were separated. Nursery need to make sure that the little problem child is not left unsupervised. Ever. Are other parents also fed up? Maybe you would find strength to complain in numbers.

Me too! I feel like the kids knows what there up to.I forgot to add eairler that I work in the same setting and I have witnessed my child been shoved and it infuriates me but I got to remember that the child is on a child too but my poor son

They have the room space to separate them in the private nursery but not the staff ratio they say so I ask everyday are they been kept an eye on and I'm not sure if they can separate them up the school yet untill I ask tomorrow.

In most children around the age of 6 or 7.

If you work in the setting you must know what there policy's are . Your child has the right to feel safe . You need to ask what measures will be in place to safeguard your DS

Rubbish.

My DD 3.5 has recently started telling us about a boy in her class at nursery pushing her, we started reminding her at drop off to tell the supervisors

We've mentioned it to the supervisors, they said they weren't aware. My DD has now told the supervisors when anything happens. She has also been more recently pushed over and kicked. All by the same boy

By chance we've found out that another little girl has also had the same issues with the same boy. On drop off I spoke to a supervisor and was told they are aware and that the boy has behavioral issues

I have most recently spoken to the manager. This was after my DD was hit on the head. I was told that the parents have been spoken to about the boy's behaviour

We will continue to ask our daughter each day if there have been any problems. If nothing improves I will then speak to the manager again and if I'm not happy I'll have to speak to somebody higher up, it's a national franchise

The manager was very understanding and I have confidence in what she said and the steps that they take in this situation but if it doesn't improve I'll obviously not let this continue

Each child has a key worker, the boy's needs to be keeping a closer eye on him IMO. The fact the nursery have spoken to his parents before I spoke to the manager says to me a lot of children are having problems with him

Interestingly I was told that parents are only informed if a child is hit or slapped in/on a certain area of the body

Hope you get this sorted op

The nursery are not doing enough. They need to have one adult next to the child at all times so that they can intervene before he hurts other children. They might have a policy against time out but they can still discipline, which just means to teach correct behaviour.

What is happening to your daughter is very very similar to my son's situation too. My son is a great communicator and I am lucky in a sense he could tell me because I would have been non the wiser on alot of the incident. I hope we can both get this sorted out of the sake of our children x

We had a similar issue - not as bad! - with our nursery. I’d be making a formal complaint in writing to the Manager and requesting a f2f meeting within 24h to discuss how this will be resolved.

We were not the only family having issues with the child in question, and as I understand it the child’s parents were called in to discuss. I felt bad for the child because there were clearly issues stemming from new younger siblings, but ultimately that’s not my problem- my problem was my child’s safety.

So if kids are regularly only having ‘poor impulse control’ in relation to a particular person, it’s not bullying until 6 or 7?
Interesting

What was the outcome please?

We found the incidents got less frequent, as far as we could tell. I’d call nursery several times a week, so I think it motivated them to get me to stop…(!) as well as emailing so it’s in writing. Nursery also changed an area in the outside space to encourage calmer play and stop the games that were leading to incidents. And then the child left early, ahead of school, which was fortunate for us.

It’s difficult, I had a bit of a ridiculous conversation with the manager about my child using words they’d prefer he didn’t during a game (outing, but nothing inappropriate, just introducing excessively boisterous games to his friends, that type of stuff) and I was like, words are one thing- he still can’t be getting hit daily! You need to stand your ground.