Child left out/ losing friends over a disagreement i had with other child's mum.

[Oneshymum]

This is probably going to be quite long so apologies in advance!
Basically my daughter goes to a rural school where up until the last few months there have been no issues.
Ill start from beginning, so my child and this other woman's child were friends would have odd disagreements etc but grew up together etc. This lady(her mum) would be known for drama and has had many a Fallings out with several other people locally. She would be known as a gossip. This woman isnt someone I would say i was close with by any means but we would interact because if our children etc. I never liked the gossip it made me feel highly uneasy and some of it was just plain nasty and disgusting. Well one day I heard her talk about me and it wasnt good! Over something silly that was so pathetic.( had a few friends over and didn't ask them they live nearby) She was really nasty for no reason. I heard her myself. I told me dh he said ignore you know what she is like. Well fast forward a few weeks her kids or her won't look at me or my kids and my children come in crying because her children are saying my mammy hates ye we are not allowed play with ye and would go back into the house. Next day same thing i heard her son say my mammy said ye are bullies. 🙄 I saw red and asked her what her problem was she absolutely lost it accused her kids of lying that she never said anything her kids looked terrified to be honest. I only asked as this was clearly affecting her kids and mine obviously because she was upset with me. She lied about saying anything about me then I told her i heard her and she flipped altogether called me childish pathetic you name it. I felt worse for opening my mouth. Basically we haven't spoke since, and my daughter is getting the brunt of it in school. One or two friends she had are now taken away by this other child of this woman. (small school) it's stopped my child getting invites to parties etc she once always got asked to. This woman has tried to befriend as many locals as possible and fill them with lies about me i feel I can't approach them anymore and will oy talk to me if this other woman is not there. These womens kids have become friendly with her child. The final straw was accusations of bullying from my child toward hers. The school rang me i couldnt believe it. But in reality it was my child getting it in school so one day my child told on this other child and the child got into a bit of trouble and was told off by the teacher. Fast forward after the weekend and this childs mother has complained to the school and twisted the whole story. I was advised I should have went in first but I didnt want to add fuel to fire and make things worse for my child. We met with the school and other children were questioned and the teachers knew this was false allegations and a fabricated story to make my child look like a bully. My child is no sai r and I would obviously punish her if needs be but in all the years in school I have never been called in over her behaviour and they said she is anything but a bully. All of this is having am extremely bad impact on me and even my husband. Thankfully my child has other friends around and outside of school but ther is a divide in her class now and it's making the school run miserable and I'm paranoid what she is saying to who. This is not the first time they have made up false allegations about others but some who don't know them well are taking sides and i cant approach them women anymore. I just can't believe that someone would do this to a child. These kids were friends and now obviously I can never have er child over again i am afraid for any minor fallout between them that she will say I told you so. I'm so on edge I don't know what to do, I have others around who are very aware of this woman and her slanderous ways, but then alot are not and i am paranoid that people think we are horrible when we are normal people just trying to do our best. My child is not perfect i will never paint them out to be kids fall i and out all the time but these allegations were serious and all lies. It worried me for her own children. I am wondering if i should just pull my child from the school but then why should I have to when she seems pretty fine there. The children are aged 10. Any advice appreciated as it's wearing me down 😢😢.

[Oneshymum]

Anyone😒

[Oneshymum]

Anyone 😒

[LittleOwl153]

At 10 I'd look at the school options. I assume.give she's in school now you are not in UK? Maybe Scotland have gone back already? But if this is happening right at the beginning of the year I would be j tonschool and expect them to deal with the children.

I would then look at the second day options as your child I assume has 1 year left to do in primary. Maybe it would be an idea to look at different secondary options unless the secondary is big?

Ultimately it would depend on the impact on your child rather than you. If the kid is happy and the situation at school is OK for her then you need to get over it an ignore/avoid as much as possible. Primary schools years are hell for parents, - especially as they near the end- at secondary parents don't exist!

[Oneshymum]

Thanks for your reply. I'm in NI so a couple more years left in primary. You are right the primary years are tough. When the kids are left alone with no parents interfering all seems fine, but the horrible mums new friends only invite kids that are children of the clique to parties etc the school is so small only 50 children im just hoping this won't affect my child as she is very caring and outgoing, I guess she is trying her best to gain support to make us feel intimidated and left out. I will give it a few months to see how things go thanks for your reply 😊

[focuspocus]

I'm sorry I don't know what to advise but agree with @LittleOwl153 if only a year left then you may be able to hold out. Are they likely to go off to the same secondary school? Even if they do and it's a large one they may not have anything to do with each other and have new friends.

Is your DC comfortable talking about their feelings and what goes on in school? One of mine is able and willing to do this but the other cannot. Perhaps let them know that you would make changes for them if they wanted/ needed?

[focuspocus]

Wow only 50 really is very small. Ours is 400 and considered small! You called this woman out and she didn't like it. Let her spend her time and energy and try not to worry. Hope your DC is okay and things get better for you both.

[Oneshymum]

I know super small, tiny rural country school mixed classes in only two rooms. Yes she definitely didn't like it and is trying anything to drag me down now but blaming an innocent child makes me sick 😢. Thanks for your reply I think i really do need to stop wasting my energy worrying so much!

[Oneshymum]

Tks for all replies

[YerArseInParsley]

@Oneshymum

I know this is an old thread but it's just popped up for me.

How are things now?

[curaçao]

How many other mums did you have over, andvwhy did you exclude this one? That is what triggered the saga!

[Oneshymum]

Hi things are much the same. Daughter only has two girls in her class one of these mums is the lady that has caused all the hassle they are now firm friends since our fallout. So my daughter is still left out of absolutely everything out of school. Thing is the girls get on better than ever now! They want to do things with her , I have tried to reach out to the nicer mum but with no reply. She never had an issue before ringing me to help her out or to collect last minute . I have a feeling she doesn't want to upset the other mum. But it's ridiculous leaving one child out because of there dislike for me. They wanted to go trick or treating with her a few weeks and we're trying to arrange it amongst themselves, but a few days later daughter of problem mum said they were going on holidays etc. Low and behold I bring my son and his friend out and I meet them all out trick or treating. Daughter wondering why she wasn't asked. They get on great at school but she can't spend anytime outside of school, not that I'd trust the mum that caused all the trouble . But it would have been nice if they included her when the kids obviously wanted to. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to pretend they are busy until senior school which is two years away. Thanks for your message

[Oneshymum]

I didn't have any other mothers over . It was my cousin and her husband

[Cottonbud777]

I could have written this myself as we are currently dealing with the same… only my daughter is 6. I wish I could offer advice. We are just going to stick it out for now, and I think you should to. Taking her out of school will probably do more harm than good, especially if she’s leaving soon. As hard as it is, and trust me I know, know you can hold your head up high and neither of you have done wrong xx