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Friend that plays with daughter at home all the time, ignores her at school

9 replies

Liberatora · 25/04/2022 16:21

Hi there, My DD is on reception year. She spend most of the easter holidays with a classmate that lives opposite us playing together all day long. Because I do not feel comfortable to let my DD play on the street (the other mum is ok with it) I told them to stay in our home and play. They spend their time bouncing around creating a huge mess, running up and down stairs, picnik at the garden, dressing up ect... I would always make snacks for them, cook meals for them, buy them ice creams from the van, even organised an egg hunt, just to make them feel comfortable. They had a lovely time but when they got back to school the other girl ignored my DD asked her not to follow her around and my daughter ended up playing alone all day. I tried to talk to her but she seems ok with it and she cant wait for her friend to come over and play. I do feel terrible for my DD as I think that the other girl takes advantage of our hospitality and then blanks my daughter out. The other mum would ignore me (three years neighbors literally opposite house) even if I was just saying hello. Only now that her daughter spends so much time at our place she would be more friendly but very limited stuff. I do not know what to do or what exactly I could say to help my daughter understand that it is not fair the way she is being treated. Anyone else had any similar issue? Please help!

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NrlySp · 25/04/2022 16:29

i would use this as a good opportunity to talk to your DD about what friendship is, what it looks like etc etc.
saying that at that age friendships can change very quickly.
You made the offer to have the girls in your house provide snacks etc.
i would be encouraging other friendships, being busy and not encouraging this friendship.

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Plieandchassus · 25/04/2022 16:32

Stop having her round straight away is my advice. This suggests she doesn’t see your dd as a friend but as a convenience (as does the mum for whom you are providing free childcare). Teach your dd that she shouldn’t try to hang out with children who blow hot and cold.

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ladydimitrescu · 25/04/2022 16:35

I don't think the little girl has the emotional understanding to use you for your hospitality at 4 years old Confused

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Liberatora · 25/04/2022 16:42

of course not. Did not wanted to sound like that. I mostly feel bad for my daughter. I do understand that friendships are like that at this age, but something is not right there or my mums protectiveness blinds me or something 😩

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Seeline · 25/04/2022 16:42

Kids have different friends at home and at school.

Who was your DD playing with at school before the holidays? Ask them to tea after school.

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Blanketpolicy · 25/04/2022 16:58

Ask your dd if there are other friends she plays with in school she would like to invite over instead.

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Liberatora · 25/04/2022 17:05

Yes I will ask other kids she is playing at school to come over but the problem is that this girl will come back knocking the door and my daughter will be super excited she is back. I’m trying at the mo to talk to her without interfere in the “friendship” and she keeps saying that she wants her as a friend even if she blocks her at school. I cannot really tell the other kid to go away when she will come over.

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Williamshatnershorses · 25/04/2022 17:09

Of course you can tell her to go away. You are the adult here!

Not just now, we are busy.
You can’t play today sorry.

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Blanketpolicy · 26/04/2022 20:40

Just say to her sorry dd cant play today we have visitors/just about to eat/going out. Maybe tomorrow.

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