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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

De-registering daughter until September

21 replies

Shiningstarr · 17/04/2022 19:03

Hi,

My daughter (11) has been unhappy in school since January. Before that everything was fine and she had a good circle of friends. Unfortunately there was a falling out, and whilst she managed to smooth things over, it just hasn't been the same and she has felt really isolated from everyone at school.

She has spent most break and lunchtimes alone and this has really affected her mental health (she suffers with anxiety anyway). I had no idea any of this was going on until about 4 weeks ago. I've tried to help, have spoken to school, I've even contacted a few of the other childrens parents as I know them personally. I only said that my daughter was struggling at school and as there had been recent fall outs, could they ask their child to be kind to my daughter, as it's really affecting her.

However the replies from the few parents were mixed. A couple were really nice, but one in particular was horrible, and said i was making things worse by 'messaging parents for every little thing' (I had only messaged once!)

I've decided as there is only one term left, and my daughter has her place at secondary school, to de-register her. Already it feels like a weight has been lifted - I can't bear the thought of her going back somewhere that she's so unhappy.

Has anyone else de-registered and was it ok? My daughter has just joined 3 x different groups of different sporting activities, so I'm confident she will be able to make new friends.

By the way, this is just a brief outline of what's happened as I can't write it all here.

Any advice welcomed.

OP posts:

Hellocatshome · 17/04/2022 19:08

Will she be going to secondary school with the children from her current primary school?

ScarlettSing · 17/04/2022 19:11

Is she going to a different high school?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 17/04/2022 19:16

Deregistrring her won’t do her any harm so long as you keep up reading and maths (so she doesn’t go backwards).

But won’t the problem just transfer to the secondary?

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 17/04/2022 19:17

Thanks for replies, I already spoke with the transition leader for the secondary school, and explained what's happened. They have assured me that my daughter won't be in the same form as anyone she has had a problem with.

I have given my daughter the option of going to the other secondary school in our area, as this is also a good school, but she is adamant that she still wants to go to the one she has been offered a place at.

OP posts:

Rover83 · 17/04/2022 19:22

I guess it depends if its going to be a problem that follows her, it might be that the ones she has an issue with now will build stronger links with other kids at high school and it will be even worse. Can you try and find others who will be going to the same school to encourage friendships now, something like guides or scouts

ScarlettSing · 17/04/2022 19:25

I think whilst they won't be in the same form that unfortunately doesn't mean it's not going to keep happening when she returns.
Whilst she still wants to go a fresh start totally away from these people would be best.
I know it's hard to make them see this .

Hellocatshome · 17/04/2022 19:25

If you think it will be the best thing for her mental health the only thing is despite not being in the same form she might find herself in some of the same classes as these children when they are out into sets. I would make sure she realises that she can't avoid them forever.

BlueIvy11 · 17/04/2022 19:25

I had a similar issue with my now 12 year old.

She was still in lessons with the child who was bullying, so it didn't make any difference about them not being in the same form. Plus she targets her at break times too. It has been a horrible year with the stress on my daughter. We are looking at changing schools. I wish I did this in the first place but my daughter wanted in that school.

Save yourself all the hassle and tears, I would put her into a different high school.

Sylfia · 17/04/2022 19:28

If you're confident you can change if necessary later, I think try her with current choice of high school. They're aware of the issue, and change of form / group transforms dynamics. Good move to deregister meanwhile I think.

MolliciousIntent · 17/04/2022 19:28

I don't think this is a good idea at all. If the primary school feeds the secondary, most of the kids will be there when she starts again in September and if it's anything like my secondary school, everyone will very swiftly find out that ShiningDD just suddenly stopped coming to school for months because of a falling out. It's likely to backfire on you and she'll end up with a weird reputation from the get go.

MolliciousIntent · 17/04/2022 19:29

Also, not being in the same form won't keep her away from the perpetrators at all.

ISeeALittleSiIhouettoOfAMan · 17/04/2022 19:30

What about her SATS?

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 17/04/2022 19:35

@ISeeALittleSiIhouettoOfAMan

What about her SATS?

We are in Wales, there are currently no SATS here.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 17/04/2022 19:37

I am also considering the option of looking at the other secondary school. I'm just hoping there will be a space.

OP posts:

ScarlettSing · 17/04/2022 20:12

@Shiningstarr

I am also considering the option of looking at the other secondary school. I'm just hoping there will be a space.

I would and take her along she may get a good feel for the place and want to go.

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 17/04/2022 23:37

I've just had a really long chat with my DD and she's agreed to go to the other secondary school. Luckily there are 2 others to choose from, and are both good schools.

I've just got to hope there is a space for her in either.

OP posts:

ScarlettSing · 18/04/2022 08:23

That's really good news op.

Fingers crossed they have space and it all works for you both.

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 20/04/2022 15:53

Just to update, I've managed to change her secondary school to the alternative one where none of the bullies are going. So it will be a completely fresh start for her.

OP posts:

Duracellbunnywannabe · 20/04/2022 16:21

Lovely. Could she go to a feeder primary school of the new secondary? Otherwise 4 months is a long time to potentially be worrying about a new school, especially if she already has anxiety.

Original poster

Shiningstarr · 20/04/2022 16:41

She could yes, but she really doesn't want to, and I don't want to force her. She's joined 3 different groups that have children who will be going to the new secondary school, so hopefully she will make some new friends that way.

OP posts:

Lem0nDrizzle · 20/04/2022 19:14

thats great news.
I hope your daughter settles well and enjoys it.

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