My son is being bullied and left out, pls help!!

[wumzyo]

I recently changed my son’s school to one closer to home for academic reasons, bullying and change of address. On the first day at this new school, people were asking questions and being friendly with him, but fast forward towards the end of the first week, they started laughing at him😟. He’s a fluent reader but sometimes struggles with the comprehension part of it. I made the new sch aware of this so they can help in any way possible. His classmates found out that he was given a “low level” book and started laughing at him. He told me about how embarrassed he felt but I told him not to worry about it that they will soon stop laughing about it. Days and weeks have gone by and they seem to keep laughing at him and making fun of him over everything- from the way he eats, his packed lunch, his uniform. I couldn’t get his uniform size anywhere including online due to lockdown and I have just had a baby. They would tell him he couldn’t play and he would walk around the by himself throughout playtime. It broke my heart hearing this😢. He saw how bad I felt and stopped telling me about it, instead he tried and tried to be friends with people in his class but they still wouldn’t play with him. He overheard two kids saying “he’s so annoying and he has no friends”. He said he felt very bad because he thought he was actually making progress. His self esteem dropped because he stopped wanting to take packed lunch and he didn’t want to change to his sports clothes at sch, so he would wear it under his uniform for after sch football (at school). He told me today that one boy said to him “stop being a wanna be, stop smiling, stop being annoying, etc”. It’s hurting me so much and I told him I will speak to his teacher. He told me not to, cos his teacher will talk about it and he’s worried they will embarrass and say he’s trying to be their friend by force. What can I do please? Thanks😢😢

How old is he? You need to speak to the teacher no matter what he says because if you don't, then they can't support him.

Can you try to get him another uniform? Most schools have supplies of second hand and nobody will know it's not new. What are they saying about the way he eats his lunch? I'm not blaming him of course but are his table manners bad?

The school need to help him with social skills...and so do you. This might sound harsh but kids are mean as hell when they sense weakness...and if your son's social skills are weak, then they're like horrible little animals.

Does he go to any clubs after school? Sports or other hobbies? They can really help.

How old is he?

Why haven't you spoken to the teacher?

Thank you guys, he’s 10 years old (Year 5) I have changed his uniform. It was his trousers we couldn’t get so he wore his grey joggers. He has since changed as I found a uniform shop in the market.

He’s very good at meeting friends and socialising. He’s also very friendly. He was also told he’s always happy and smiley by his classmates. I didn’t tell his teacher earlier because I thought it would get better and I also wanted to help build him up to try and work it out with his classmates.

He recently started boxing every Saturday and sch football once a week.

I have sent a message to the class teacher today. I didn’t do this earlier because I thought things would get better once he settles in, and also to give him the chance to stand up for himself and try and resolve it. However, I realise he won’t be able to fully settle down if they carry on this way.

The longer you leave this sort of stuff the worse it gets as these little shits realise no one is doing anything about it.

Get onto the school website and look up their bullying policy, they all have one, so you can find out what happens next. Anything that is relaid verbally you want to follow up with an email. You need a paper trail, make notes in a diary for what happened when so that school has a clear understanding what is happening and when. The teacher should come back to update you, they should have also spoken to your son but this can take a day or two depending on who deals with it.

Most schools will come down on this sort of behaviour hard. I volunteer in a primary school and we would pull up anyone who makes personal comments about another student's appearance or work unless it is a positive thing. We have phase leaders so it is dealt with by them and therefore the students know it is deadly serious.

But show your son the school policy, show him that everyone considers this behaviour unacceptable. Most children do fear that the bullying will get worse but if it does then report it immediately. There will be harsher sanctions, usually in my school it goes up to the deputy or assistant head.

I hope your son comes home having had a better day today.

@SometimesALime

The longer you leave this sort of stuff the worse it gets as these little shits realise no one is doing anything about it.

Get onto the school website and look up their bullying policy, they all have one, so you can find out what happens next. Anything that is relaid verbally you want to follow up with an email. You need a paper trail, make notes in a diary for what happened when so that school has a clear understanding what is happening and when. The teacher should come back to update you, they should have also spoken to your son but this can take a day or two depending on who deals with it.

Most schools will come down on this sort of behaviour hard. I volunteer in a primary school and we would pull up anyone who makes personal comments about another student's appearance or work unless it is a positive thing. We have phase leaders so it is dealt with by them and therefore the students know it is deadly serious.

But show your son the school policy, show him that everyone considers this behaviour unacceptable. Most children do fear that the bullying will get worse but if it does then report it immediately. There will be harsher sanctions, usually in my school it goes up to the deputy or assistant head.

I hope your son comes home having had a better day today.

Thank u so much. I emailed the teacher and she had a conversation with all those involved and has assured me that steps will be taken to stop it and she also told the boy that stops him from joining in games he should stop preventing people from joining in games even if it means there’s more people on one team than the other. My son said he was able to join in games after the conversation. The boy also admitted to making fun of him because of his reading level, although the others denied. I believe that knowing the teacher is aware now, they will behave better. The teacher also said she has asked someone to keep an eye out during playtime to monitor the situation. 🤞

@wumzyo excellent result. Your son must feel so much better. Once staff know they are looking out for something untoward it makes it harder for the boys to revert back to horrid behaviour.

Very few primary aged students lie with conviction so don't worry about the other boys not admitting their part with the reading. You can really help his reading just by listening to him read every day but also ask him questions about it too as comprehension is a great skill to have. So ask him about what has happened so far, how do you think X character is feeling in this part? Can you come up with another word for unhappy etc. Also read to him too, let him just enjoy a story.

My sons used to read to me whilst I was cooking dinner, multi-tasking!

[quote SometimesALime]@wumzyo excellent result. Your son must feel so much better. Once staff know they are looking out for something untoward it makes it harder for the boys to revert back to horrid behaviour.

Very few primary aged students lie with conviction so don't worry about the other boys not admitting their part with the reading. You can really help his reading just by listening to him read every day but also ask him questions about it too as comprehension is a great skill to have. So ask him about what has happened so far, how do you think X character is feeling in this part? Can you come up with another word for unhappy etc. Also read to him too, let him just enjoy a story.

My sons used to read to me whilst I was cooking dinner, multi-tasking![/quote]
@SometimesALime thank you so much. I’m so grateful for your kind words and advice. I will do exactly as you have suggested👌🏾. May God bless you.🙏🏾😊😊😊

@wumzyo you are welcome

Talk to his teacher. Educators will find a way to amplify his courage and confidence.

Encourage him to have 1 or 2 friends who share similar interests. Build the bondage. Bullies dare to do so as they see your son has no friends but they won't easily feel it as they see some friendship around him.
My DD changed school along the way with our changes of job, she is now adaptive to any environment. One of her "experiences" is to let others see she has a company.

How are things now?

@Mumalsoasfriend

Talk to his teacher. Educators will find a way to amplify his courage and confidence.

Encourage him to have 1 or 2 friends who share similar interests. Build the bondage. Bullies dare to do so as they see your son has no friends but they won't easily feel it as they see some friendship around him.
My DD changed school along the way with our changes of job, she is now adaptive to any environment. One of her "experiences" is to let others see she has a company.

Not sure how you would go about encouraging him to make these friends any more than you already have so interested in any suggestions but I chose my friends group, somehow, lol, and even a small group helped me through school and personal shizz. So much so that I didn't even realise I was bullied, just thought they were douchebags that were p'd I had chosen to socialise with others when they tried "banning" or enticing me to them. And, to be fair, that's all they were. Bullying was their way of feeling superior or getting at me when the mood took and I just pity them. I haven't even held a grudge because they were just kids trying to figure out life and dealing with hormones and home lives.

Comedy, btw, is, imo, the best for dealing with anything. Being able to make someone laugh, laugh at yourself, making light of things just fixes everything. For example, next time he has to read at school, he could pull a babies board book out and just make a joke about "being really close to finishing this one". When he's being excluded from a game next time, he could just say "unless someone actually wants to win, I'm going to be over by the tree/swings/fence picking my nose/toes/fluff off my JOGGERS, lol" Every little giggle will boost his confidence. Get the friends coming to him instead of "chasing" them? Just a thought ❤️

Honestly, I can't understand your point. @Mummabug18
Make them laugh to flatten Hormone level? Till the bullies get used to and find out more inspiring target to bully? Isolate the one who is bullied or show anything that they are able to segregate the one from the mass will make things worse. I told my DD many times that she does not have to be popular to be everyone's friend- as not all deserve her precious friendship. To have 1- 2 friends is sufficiently good, to give her back up or to convince it's wrong to think she is friendless. She did it and after a year, her class teacher told me her friends grow in and outside the class. DD feels much happier but I am feeling just ok, as I know the hardship has not arrived yet- teen friendship could be fragile. Will not surprise that one day her friends regress to 1-2 again. Never mind, time can tell.

Sorry for drifting away, I think bully is different. Need to be tough up to battle it.

@FedNlanders

How are things now?

Today is the first day back at school due to half term and Monday was staff training, he will let me know when he gets back today. Thank u so much for asking.

@Mumalsoasfriend he did mention that there’s one person who’s nice to him and when the teacher asked where he would like to sit, he said close to him. He did say, however, that the nice friend sits very close and around the mean kids. So I told him not to worry, that he should remain where he’s currently seated. Good thing the teacher knows about it now and I expect the kids would be more cautious about their behaviour. Will know how it went after school today. Thank you for your response, I’m grateful❤️

@Mummabug18 thx for ur suggestion, I once told him not to worry about what they say, that’s if they laugh at him, he should laugh as well, that way, they will stop if they realise it doesn’t bother him. But he said they kept saying new and more things to him. They would take his book from under his table and show it to the whole class when he leaves to go to the loo. I also told him to tell them to be quiet if they have nothing better to say. He’s doing this now and I still reinforced it into him as he left for sch this morning. I also told him to play with people that want to play with him only. Not to bother forcing himself to play with everyone. I think when he gets back today, I will suggest he finds someone that has no one to play with as well (if there’s any).