Shy son

[Moonpeg]

Not really bullying but didn’t know were to post. My 10 year old son, primary 6 in Scotland, has always been very shy. He’s always had 2 very close friends. One of the two friends who was the closest and always played, had sleepovers, play dates for the past 5 years has decided he wants to be part of another crowd. A not very nice crowd of kids who aren’t nice to my sons friend but is desperate to fit in. Since then the other boy has developed mental health issues and totally ignores my son. Today I went past the school and saw my son wandering round on his own, his other friend was playing football. All the other kids have formed friendships, I feel so sad for my son as he’s played with these two boys since p2. He is still good friends with football boy. I tried to say to my son maybe try football but he says no. He’s so shy to actually approach kids and start playing with them. I’m dreading him going to the high school. How do I encourage him to start talking to other kids. Sorry I’m waffling on.

Please try not to show your anxiety to your son. It's hard I know....I've been there.

But if you show your anxiety then it will make it twice as bad.

No grilling him after school with "Who did you play with?" type questions. None at all.

Just "How was today? What was the best bit?"

And I'd like to add, seeing him wandering alone is triggering for any parent but I'd bet that most if not all kids have some moments like that during their day.

They're not all constantly together.

Whatever he likes doing...whatever he is good at, encourage him in that 100%. Get him in clubs...whether it's art, drama, chess...singing...something that can be 'his thing" this is a great way to build confidence and it's what I did with my DD at this age when she was going through similar.

It's very, very common. As they hit high school age, there's always change in friendships.

Keep encouraging him to be himself. Often at high school, they find other kids who aren't part of the loud crowd, My DD really came into her own in high school.x

Thanks for your advice. I must admit I do grill him when he comes out of school. I shall stop that. He goes to a band practice twice a week and boys brigade. He’s not been back since lockdown but once they open back he will go. Will maybe try him in a football club or a martial art club. I think I’m trying to push the shyness out of him, but that’s him, I’m the same. Your right I need to build his confidence and let him be him.

@Moonpeg

Thanks for your advice. I must admit I do grill him when he comes out of school. I shall stop that. He goes to a band practice twice a week and boys brigade. He’s not been back since lockdown but once they open back he will go. Will maybe try him in a football club or a martial art club. I think I’m trying to push the shyness out of him, but that’s him, I’m the same. Your right I need to build his confidence and let him be him.

Definitely stop grilling him. Kids know why you're doing it...and it makes them feel like a failure.

With his clubs, it's definitely better to choose something he can excel at...something which takes skill. What is he good at?