Threatening recordings sent to 10 year old

[muminnorwich]

My daughter of 10 years was invited to a group chat on whatsapp by a girl in her class (S). The purpose of asking my daughter to join was to bully and threaten her. There were many recorded messages from S which I was able to listen to and save as evidence.
One message said that S would 'bang' my daughter, another 'punch' her after school, 'knock her teeth out' and many bully type comments like how pathetic she was etc. The swearing was horrendous. The message which caused most concern, said that S would 'hold a knife to my daughters throat' and that she'd 'done it before to another girl and would do it again'.
I went straight to the Head and subsequently S was isolated for one day. She is now back in my daughters class.
I am interested to see if other mum's feel that this is a suitable punishment?
My friends son was put in isolation for one day for not wearing the correct trousers two days in a row at high school.......
I just don't see how these are similar in any way?
S ruined our whole weekend. My daughter was terrified to go to school, couldn't sleep or eat and it's had me awake all night worrying about it.
Love anyone's advice. I have a follow up meeting with the Head 9am tomorrow.

I’ve no experience with older children but no I don’t think it’s a suitable punishment. Isn’t this a matter for the police? What do the school say about this if you mention the police?

I am going to be mentioning the police tomorrow so I'll see their reaction. My colleague says it should be recorded with them anyway - for an incident number.
I wanted to see what the school did first. I wasn't sure if they would have to contact the police as it's a threat with a knife? Obviously they feel that they don't which is a little concerning.

I would be contacting the police as well also even before the meeting with the school. I hope that they won't but have seen previous threads where schools try and dissuade parents from doing so. How is your DD. Remember make the meeting about how they will keep your daughter safe as they won't be able to talk about the bully.

I’d be asking the police for advice, and not bothering to give the school another chance to react in a more suitable way. The school’s reaction does not show they are capable of dealing with bullying, or with kids who are violent or threaten violence to other kids. Clearly they’re taking the easy option which is just minimising it. I’m pretty shocked actually and can’t imagine that sort of passive disinterested reaction from the school where I live (not UK).

Sorry to hear that this has happened to your daughter. It must be distressing to all concerned.

But this kind of episode underlines why parents should not allow their primary school children to access whatsapp or other social media. I believe the minimum age for whatsapp is 16. So 10 is really pushing the limits.

Children of this age are not mature enough to cope with social media.

That's the type of soft, pathetic, bully coddling, sweeping under the carpet, type bullshit I have come to expect from our local primary.
A parent calls the police though? Poof! Consequences magically appear. Sometimes. The schools hate to have the police coming in to deal with this because it looks bad on them.

It may not be the case in every primary but our small village one works on a "if your face fits" basis. If you're not drinking buddies with the teachers, related or married into the family of them, or at least went to the one and only high school with them, it's a big fuck you and your kid. They will NEVER call their Prosecco pals in to discuss their violent little thug children's behaviour.

Speak to the police OP.

I agree, I'm not one for making a fuss but where there is a clear threat of violence, nd a threat of using knives, and the children recorded it (!) Then you have evidence and can go to the police.

Sadly children of this age ARE capable of very nasty, cruel and violent behaviour. (Remember the Bulger murder.)

So, deal with the bullies via the police, and then the meeting with Head teacher can be about protecting your daughter, broader safety in the school and what lessons the children are being given on bullying online offline, inside school and outside school.

Take a printed copy of the school's bullying policy with you and go through what it actually means in practice, if needed. And if you are not satisfied, be prepared to calmly tell the Head that you will escalate to the school governors.

Also ask to arrange a follow up meeting for one week's time, to find out how the school is getting on protecting your daughter.

I do hope your DD is coping okay, and has some friends she can rely on in school.

Thanks for all your messages. We only installed whatsapp for our daughter so that her friend group at school could chat. S is a new girl who has found her way into this group. I took my daughters access to whatsapp away as soon as I heard these awful messages....in fact I've had her phone in my handbag ever since!

Thank you for this. So appreciate you taking the time to post. Good idea about their anti bullying policy....I'm on it.

That's not normal the girl needs help. Who
would say something like that. I think she needs therapy. Hopefully the police may scare her. Such a horrible child. I hope your daughter is ok.

My dd is 10 too and it's hard with WhatsApp as they think they are there friends.

Schools in some jurisdictions have very limited powers in terms of discipline and in particular I believe it can be extremely difficult to exclude a pupil for actual violence, let alone threats. The school are also not under any duty to tell you about any punishment. What you can do is centre your child’s right to safety and consideration for her wellbeing. I’m a big believer in formal records. Perhaps a recorded delivery letter to school summarising incident, police incident number etc and reminding school of their duty of care to your daughter and setting out any requests you have in terms of keeping her safe etc. Eg all staff being informed, never being required to sit beside this child, adult supervision in certain contexts etc.

@muminnorwich

Thanks for all your messages. We only installed whatsapp for our daughter so that her friend group at school could chat. S is a new girl who has found her way into this group. I took my daughters access to whatsapp away as soon as I heard these awful messages....in fact I've had her phone in my handbag ever since!

Your poor daughter. That is so distressing. If she has some good friends or knows girls who were horrified by this behaviour, suggest she sets up a new What'sApp group with them but without the bully and deletes the old one. She shouldn't be the one who is isolated from the main messaging in her peer group. The bully should be.

The school's attitude utterly sucks. Unless they do some serious work with this girl getting her to understand her own behaviour she won't change. I'm glad you are calling the police.

OP that is absolutely shocking.

I would be demanding far more than a snap on the wrist. At the very least I would expect a meeting with the girl's parents.

Typical sweeping under the carpet an protecting the bully. Seemsno matter howmuch schools calim to be against bullying these days they are still doing fuck all about it.
Absolutely involve the police. To make a point to the school even more than the child.

If would also contact the police and ask for advice.

You're all great. I felt so alone with all of this. I guess I now know why I joined this forum. Thanks everyone. I'm off to the police after work and ready to see the Head tomorrow at 9am! xx

Please involve the MASH in your area. There is likely something going on with the bully. I would also involve the police.

@muminnorwich

You're all great. I felt so alone with all of this. I guess I now know why I joined this forum. Thanks everyone. I'm off to the police after work and ready to see the Head tomorrow at 9am! xx

Would love to know how you got on xx hopefully they have a sufficient resolve they can put in place x thinking of you both!

@muminnorwich your poor daughter...the best thing to do is to read their policy on bullying. It should be on their school website- please read it and see if they have followed their procedure.

If not, this is where you can raise your concerns.

I have now contacted the police and have met with the Head. I will read the schools policy on bullying and see what it says. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment. You’re all very kind xx