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Bullying

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10 year old daughter doesn't want to be here

2 replies

FenywCymreag · 25/04/2021 00:38

These past few weeks have been a complete nightmare. So much has happened I don't know where to start, will give the main points as this would be 10 pages long if I listed everything this bully has said and done. Right, My 10 year old is dealing with a bully, and a nasty one at that. She kept it to herself until it all came out when she came home from school one day and self harmed, then it all came out. She cried her little heart out and told me she didn't want to be alive anymore. I have been to the school, spoken to the other child's father, I've spoken with the parents of other kids in the class and they have spoken to thier kids who have all backed up my child's story (not that I didn't believe her anyway, I just wanted to be able to prove without a doubt that my child was telling the truth when I went to the school). I have logged it with the police and asked the school to keep them separate at all times, for all members of staff to be made aware of the situation and for my child and this girl to be monitored at all times, I also asked the school for a Space referral for my daughter. They did some 'investigating' apparently and the head teacher spoke to the bully yesterday morning... by yesterday afternoon the child was back doing it again. Telling my daughter that it's her fault she doesn't have a dad (it was an abusive marriage and when I left him he stopped bothering with the kids as I have a restraining order and he can no longer use the kids to get to me). She told her that her dad didn't love her because she was ugly and stupid and that her dad is just as stupid as she is. She said other things too but the dad stuff is a serious sore spot for my daughter. She is dealing with huge self confidence issues anyway because her dad doesn't want to know so you can imagine how much that hurt her. I've already had her in counselling to deal with the issues surrounding her dad. My daughter was so upset she got up and walked out of school! Thank god a friend of mine saw her running through the streets crying and grabbed her. I was shopping in a different city at the time and got a call to say please get here ASAP. It was awful! My friend also called the school who had no idea my daughter was even missing. The school have refused to move this kid to a different class because of covid bubbles (I have since been advised by the police that the school can move the kid to a different class and that doing so would not break any laws). My child has always absolutely adored school and now she's begging me not to send her. I have logged the incidents with 101, I have contacted my local councillor and I plan on going to the board of governors on Monday. What else can I do that hasn't already been done?

OP posts:
Snorkello · 25/04/2021 07:51

I’m so sorry to hear this. You’re daughter must be very distressed.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things and raising this via the correct routes. Definitely raise it with the school board. See how that goes.

Consider moving schools if they aren’t dealing with it, and definitely get your dd therapy. Self harm isn’t a mental health issue in itself, it’s a sign of something else going on. It could be anxiety or depression etc. So see a psychologist. Counsellors are good, but I was insist on a qualified psychologist who understands this area. Keep pushing your gp for a referral.

How are you coping? Sometimes it’s hard to be there for others, and it can take a toll on your own mental health. Do you have family support?

I would also engage with her as to what she wants and needs to feel safe. Showing her you are there for her and allow her to open up about her feelings.

Remember that the bully may be experiencing some personal issues too. It’s hard, but it may be that their in a bad place and taking it out on others. We had an incident at my dd’s school and they have escalated, including a focus on the bully. Dealing with the source of the problem may help.

Stay close to your dd for now. Keep an eye on her, and if she doesn’t want to go to school, consider whether you can keep her off until this is resolved.

Sending hugs x

FenywCymreag · 25/04/2021 10:43

Thank you for your reply. I will definitely push for a psychologist, thank you. I have asked for a Space referral so I will give them a ring myself and ask if that is an option with them. If not I will go back to our mental health nurse and push for a referral there.

I am coping OK at the moment although I was shocked to realise all this stuff about my daughters dad has been pretty triggering for me. If it's triggering for me hearing it and having it all dragged up second hand then I dread to think what it's like for my poor daughter. My heart is absolutely breaking for her 💔

I don't want to teach my daughter to run away from a problem but at the same time her mental health comes first. I have already decided that if the school still fails to act and there is one more incident then that it, my daughter will be staying home until it is dealt with and they can guarantee her safety, physically and mentally.

I will most definitely take your points on board and keep them in mind. Thank you for your advice x

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