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Bullying

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DD11 seeming to be singled out

3 replies

Sunnyjac · 22/03/2021 20:10

Hi all, looking for some sage Mumsnet advice from you. My DD is 11 and in year 6. The girls in the class are quite tricky and things have been difficult since my DD’s best friends all moved away. This meant she had to fit in with a group of girls she hadn’t previously spent that much time with but was friends with.

The dynamics have been difficult for a couple of years, lots of falling out and making up, A is friends with B who plays with C who doesn’t like A, iyswim. They run hot and cold with each other. My DD tries to fit in, she tries not to get drawn into it all.

This last week one of the girls, S, has called her and asked if she’d like to come for a walk. DD has gone but then S is very unkind to her, saying she hadn’t meant to call and that she’d actually meant to ask a different friend. S has then invited another friend, E, and ignored my DD by only talking to E and making plans with her whilst making it clear she isn’t including DD.

Today they went out (against my better judgement) and when DD got home she said they’d met some other girls, and all 3 had been ‘pranking’ her until she was visibly upset. They’d then tried to persuade her that it was later than she thought to make her think she was late home. She texted me to check the time and I confirmed she wasn’t late. When she got home she said they’d started making plans to meet up that didn’t include her.

I have spoken to S’s mum and to the school to try to resolve this. S’s mum said she would speak to S and that she knows S can be unkind sometimes. School have spoken to the class about being kind to each other and also about cyber bullying. School have told me that they have not had any reports to say that DD has been behaving like the other girls.

So good people, this is bullying isn’t it? What can I do to get DD through the rest of this school year? How do I react? Do I intervene or not get involved? She’s going to a different secondary to the rest of them and I’m really hoping it will be a positive fresh start for her.

OP posts:
MamaiBear · 18/04/2021 17:19

I’d try not to get involved but equip your daughter how to deal with it herself. Just let her know she can come to you for advice and any meanness is nothing to do with anything being wrong with her - some people just decide to be mean sometimes for their own boost of confidence.

A child psychologist once described the job of parents like that of water in a dilute drink. The meanness is the orange dilute and it’s our job to keep adding water so as weaken the impact of the orange. Just keep adding water!!

Sunnyjac · 18/04/2021 18:16

Thank you! Great advice and I will be trying to follow it for the rest of this term

OP posts:
GreySweater · 14/06/2021 21:59

Hi Sunnyjac - I came across your post and was wondering how your DD is doing now? I'm having similar problems with my DD in Y6. Am literally counting down the days until end of term and trying to chat with her every couple of nights to equip her with what to say / do at school. She has had a horrendous time for many months and it is simply heartbreaking to see. Always being left out, ignored etc. And actually there was a horrendous incident a month ago when half the class rounded on her and verbally abused her. Very scary. It was completely unfounded and knocked her for six. I just cannot believe what a spiteful group of girls she has had the misfortune to have been put in a class with. I would say out of 15, there are 4 that aren't interested in being horrible to her. Anyhow cannot wait to get her out of there. Your story really resonated with me. So just hoping that things have improved for your DD x

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