Bullying or sensitive - year 5

[Mummyto3gorgeousgirlies]

My dd in year 5 regularly comes home with comments about peer issues at school.

She goes to school happily and is keen to learn and definitely has some friends but not necessarily a best friend as such as a lot of girls have and she's friendly with various children in the class both boys and girls rather than a set crowd/group of 'girlfriends'.
With covid it's obviously been hard for me to assist to nurture any of these friendships with play dates etc recently (although I'm sure other families aren't as strict as I am).

So a few examples of incidents over this term she's come home mentioning are:

1. a particular boy in her class making fun of her lunch (the kids are all on packed lunches presently in our school). (Not even strange foods... egg mayonnaise sandwich and tomato soup in a flask are the two things she's had fun made at)
2. being called a cry baby when she hurt herself in pe (she does have a low pain threshold - probably linked to being mildly hyper mobile).
3. Saying she feels left to the end when children are told to get into groups for activities

and then today she said they did an activity where they passed around a piece of paper with their name on for their class mates to write something they like about or nice about the person on. She showed me hers - there were two comments "lovely" and "funny" and she was upset as she said other people's notes had lots of comments on and there were only two on hers....

She is a sensitive soul, and she definitely does have friends and is also happy in her own space at times.... but basically what I'm looking for help on as a mum is if this sounds like a child being bullied or more just overly sensitive and either way does anyone have any suggestions on how i can support my dd? She doesn't resist going to school so it's not getting her down terribly but it's enough for her to bring up to me and I don't want to ignore or let us progress to a point where she won't want to go to school...
thanks for reading my long post - hope to get some helpful comments. PS I do plan to talk to the school further and have brought up social issues briefly in a recent teacher parent call

I think they all sound like poor behaviour at a school which is not handling behaviour well tbh.

I would raise the issue with school and say your daughter needs support.

For example the writing things on pieces of paper - in my DC's child they did similar but everyone had to think of something nice about each person in their allotted group.

She shouldn't have comments about food, she shouldn't be called a cry baby - I would complain about those definitely.

She's not oversensitive I should have added. Whether bullying or just thoughtless, she's not being treated well enough imo.

OP egg sandwiches are a whiffy and not a great choice.
Also getting a flask out with soup is going to attract the attention, it's possibly very different to what everyone else has which quite likely a cheese or ham sandwich.
Don't get me wrong they are great nutritionally. It's just kids can be cruel.
With regards to the comments about the thoughts of class mates. I'd just tell her two really nice comments are better than 5 or 6 not so complimentary ones. That kind of excercise is bound to have hiccups, it's quite likely there were a fair few dodgy comments on the classroom clowns.
Years 5&6 are geared up for preparing for high school. There's a lot of changes. If she has friends and goes to school with little fuss that's positive. Sadly it's a part of your DD growing up, and having to weather the changes.

it's possibly very different to what everyone else has

The attitude that unkindness and rudeness is excused if the subject is doing something 'different' is wrong. This is how adults help to create bullies, because they blame the victim instead of challenging poor behaviour when it is in the early stages.

The kids just need a routine bollocking and then hopefully it'll stop.

If a child of mine said they had commented on any other person's food by this age I would tell them not to be rude, even if the other person was eating something they'd never seen before, let alone something as ordinary as soup.

We have not had any playdates (DD in Y5 since lockdown) and I don't know anyone who has.

I'm going to stick my neck out and say maybe your DD is being over-sensitive. The comments about the food - was it just a general "pooh what's that funny smell from your lunch?" Or was it more directed at her and really cruel? Egg sandwiches can smell very "farty" and Y5 boys not known for their maturity. Lots of kids at my DD's school take soup or pasta in a flask, but I always send plain tomato so that the smell isn't overpowering. What soup are you sending? If it is pongy then in an enclosed space where everyone else just has a plain old sandwich, the smell could be quite unpleasant. She should answer back playfully and say if he doesn't stop teasing her she will take twice as long to eat it so it will stink him out even longer! Being sassy may shut this boy up, or enter into playful banter. If he is being really nasty then that is something different, but I'm not clear from your post that is the case.

There is a lot of ribbing and messing about at this age, and a lot of friendship drama among girls. Calling someone a cry-baby is unkind, but as a one-off I wouldn't say it is bullying.

What was the context of the exercise about writing nice things about each other? It sounds like the teacher is trying to get them to be kind to each other. Not a very good way of doing it, perhaps. Definitely not the kind of thing your DD should take to heart.

If your DD doesn't have special, close friendships then she might not be picked first for activities. You could mention to the teacher that she feels left out, and I'm sure they can find a different way to organise group activities.

The huge positive in your post is that she is talking openly to you about how she feels. Keeping that channel of communication open is important. (Personally I would not involve the teacher unless my DD wanted me to, but that's because I know my DD prefers to fight her own battles and would be furious if I spoke to her teacher. ) At home I would be working on DD's resilience and confidence, and exploring the events of each day and helping her think through how she can respond to each situation and figure out how to brush off any nasty stuff so it isn't eating away at her

It's a difficult age, and emotionally this year has been hard work on all our kids.