Teacher told my child to push the bully

[Naz2009]

Hi mums I need advice. My 4 year old started reception this September and from the second week of school.
She has been bullied by another pupil.
When I first confronted the teacher I was told he has "limited understanding" later the teacher said it's hard to get through to his mum. Today the teacher has told me she had enough of the boy and has told my daughter and the other kids he is bullying. To tell him no and then if he carries on. "To push him"
I'm not comfortable a teacher has said this. Can a teacher do this? Surely it's a sackable offence.
I have already written to the head. If the boy does have a condition like the teacher has said then the well-being of the rest of the kids should be thought of.

That is disgraceful.
You need to report this to the head teacher and look into safeguarding policies at the school and who the safeguarding officer is. If that child has issues the school should also be helping to assist them via Sendco or social services etc

In the past when I have mentioned "perhaps the boy needs senco" I was told by the teacher "ideally yes. But the school doesn't have the funds."

@Mummyto3gorgeousgirlies

The teacher sounds like an honest person. She is telling your child to do what she would have told her own child I am sure.
Please do not teach your children to not strike back. You will set them up for a lifetime of misery. Teach them to fight back.

What a terrible teacher to think a child is misbehaving due to other underlying issues, be they Heath linked or issues at home themselves and then to tell other children to push back... what if he is autistic or being beaten himself at home - I'm heartbroken a teacher can act this way - and what a terrible example to set to the other children when they are so young and impressionable - definitely bring this urgently to the schools safe guarding officer / senco / governors / pastoral lead and if this gets nowhere fast then take it to ofsted or the local authority - surely it must be a sackable offence and I wouldn't want that teacher teaching my child...

@Thewithesarehere

The teacher sounds like an honest person. She is telling your child to do what she would have told her own child I am sure. Please do not teach your children to not strike back. You will set them up for a lifetime of misery. Teach them to fight back.

Are you serious!!!???!!! The teacher said the child has limited understanding - this is a child with special needs who the teacher recognises needs assistance from the senco and you think it's ok to tell the class to push back???

To be honest I don't think it policy or in the rules so to speak - but she sounds like she has no support and no back up from the parents. I wouldn't advice to push back as a teacher but I would as a mother.

@Mummyto3gorgeousgirlies yes but what can she do? She sounds like at the end of her together. It’s not fair to report someone for this. She could have used better words may be. But reporting is unfair

@Thewithesarehere I agree. She said what she honestly thought, which unfortunately was the wrong thing to say as the teacher but not as a person. Really though, you want to take away her career for this one sentence? You actually want it to be a 'sackable offence'? That's the bit I think is unfair.

Sorry, @Thewithesarehere - the questions were to OP, not you!

[quote frostedcart]@Thewithesarehere I agree. She said what she honestly thought, which unfortunately was the wrong thing to say as the teacher but not as a person. Really though, you want to take away her career for this one sentence? You actually want it to be a 'sackable offence'? That's the bit I think is unfair. [/quote]
Yes I think a teacher advising a pupil to physically react to another pupil should be a dismissible offence. We are all human I agree and what and how we behave in our own families does not marry up to what and how we behave in our careers. The teacher has a duty to safeguard not only the children being pushed but the child that is pushing too.

She sounds like an old school teacher who just deals with things with things in a no nonsense manner. Maybe the kid getting pushed back for once isn't such a bad thing, perhaps like a typical bully it will make him back off. There is the opposite end of the spectrum whereby the victim will reach a point where they've had enough and fight back - then they find themselves being the one in trouble. Do people think that this is somehow better?

We're talking 4 year olds...

@AwaAnBileYerHeid my concerns exactly. I can picture it. The teacher later tells my DD off for pushing. Worse my 4 year old thinks it's ok to push kids.

@frostedcart I am disgusted by the way the teacher has decided it's ok to teach my daughter what I see as violence. To push the boy.
The teacher has a duty of care to all children. What of my DD pushed him hard and he injured himself.
She doesn't want to deal with the boy. Easy way tell the victims push him back. If like what she has said is true about the boy "limited understanding" then she should see why the boy is behaving like this. It's his form of communication. He needs help.
Teacher doesn't even want to get senco involved for the boy. Saying no funds.

Twins in my sons reception were pushing, smacking children so the head only allowed them to come for half of the day. The mother of the boys also told me that the head of school made it clear if the bad behaviour continued she would have to remove them.

@myhumps123 I applaud the school for their prompt actions.
My daughter has an autoimmune disorder with no cure. If she stresses her body starts to damage her cells at incredible speed.
Sadly the teacher is aware, yet she chooses not do anything towards the wellbeing of my child.
I've spoken to the head of yearly years who clearly got annoyed with me. Saying she didn't want to discuss this with me and unless she physically tied the boy up. She can't stop him from doing what he does.

It sounds like this school is unable/unwilling to meet your daughters needs.
I am usually the sort of person who sticks things out and tries to fix them, but in this case I would be looking to move schools.
Are there any other schools nearby you could get in touch with and have a look and a chat to see if they might be more suitable.

God this school sounds incredibly unprofessional! And I am a senco, it doesn’t cost anything for me to get involved. I think you are right to inform the head but I would be questioning if this school was the best place for your daughter, especially after the head of early years’ response

I think you might be better off looking for another school too.
How sad that the teacher said that. Trying not to judge too much without knowing the full picture but it sounds pretty bad.

The school need to learn how to deal with children with behavioural issues - the class teacher clearly needs help either from the SLT or external help. Unfortunately it sounds like the teacher can’t cope.

The teacher certainly should not be encouraging other children to fight back.

@Wowcherarestalkingme in all honestly. I feel the teacher is lying to me. When I said shall I make a complaint about the boy and perhaps ask the head it would be idea if they got senco involved. She got extremely angry at me. I've only just learnt from you it doesn't cost them anything. So why say "no funds for SENCO"
I've had a awful morning after school I sat in my car in floods of tears.
The teacher today bullied me in a way. As I dropped my daughter off. She told my to come into the playground and stand at a side and lectured me. She spoke to me as if I was one of her students.
She talked down at me and basically said I need to shut up about this boy. God has made him this way. Your next child could be mentally unwell and I should stop complaining. My daughter needs to learn to deal with him.
My daughter who is 4 and has been extremely upset over this. Has to basically man up to him and accept his actions.
She said "in all 26 years of my career I have never said push back to the kids. But now I have had to as a form of self defence."
The teacher is blind. She can't see she needs to help that boy.
I've been made aware by another mum. That boy has been in nursery for the past 2 years and he was hurting many other kids including her son. Who is deaf. Yet the teacher used to send her deaf son into reception and let this boy stay in nursery.

@Carpetflowers she has been a teacher for 26 years and now is the head of early years.
I wish the boys mum would realise teachers are not doing anything to help her son. That poor boy isn't getting the correct care.
He has been there since preschool.

I wonder if that teacher is still a teacher. He or she should have come with a more peaceful conflict resolution technique