Advice on how to deal with mothers who keep accusing DS of bullying (school says it's not happening)

[PongoPongo]

DS is 8 and is new to school this year. Two mothers have now multiple times called school or gone in to accuse him of bullying their DSs. School has investigated each time and says he isn't bullying, even the children involved don't think he's bullying them, but mothers say he is.

That part is fine, the school are managing it. The problem is the mothers at the school gate. I dread every pick up because they will be there. We don't speak, I just stand off to one side. But I feel I can't ever go to the park, or to class coffee mornings or anything because they are always there.

Should I talk to them?

I've taken the view that I should just stay away and keep head down, but I'm really worn out with feeling excluded and like I can't join in anything at the school.

The thought of talkng to them fills me with dread because I'm so upset and hurt by the whole thing and if they are awful, then it will be worse.

Advice please!

Yes go to everything you would normally go to. Go for your son.
They aren't even confronting you, just ignore them or be civil if they talk to you.

go to all the things you want to go to. the DC are likely to be best of friends next month/term/year anyway.

I can see where the other parents are coming from TBH. having been the parent who had to make a complaint of bullying in school I'd always raise it with school, never directly to a parent. A parent might kick off and just deny it, swear, gang up with other parents to ostracise my DC or whatever. Complaining to school is nothing personal, just school can deal with it properly and impartially. Some will disagree and say a conversation with the parents is best but you really have to know the other parent well. I've seen that really kick off a few times meanwhile nothing is resolved between the DC because school is oblivious. Meanwhile the playground mothers are all fumming and giving stinkeye .

posted too soon, yes of course talk to them if you want. If they're snooty then they're the arseholes.

good luck. I know it isn't easy and can be bloody intimidating.

Thanks both.

That's helpful dollyandshirl. It is tough not to take it personally, but you're right. Not wanting it to kick off is why I just avoid them. School is being very professional which helps. Just a bit lonely at the school gate most days, but I'll cope.

happy to help, hope it goes OK. You have as much right to be there and involved as they do.

I would add that if they are a shit stirring clique and/or have taken against your DC because he is good at something theirs are crap at (have seen that happen) avoid like the plague. Loads of parents at the school, no need to engage with them at all.

Just ignore the situation, if they look, smile. If they talk, talk back. If they get confrontational, stand your ground and ask where, when, who? And nobody knows anything about this but them. Don’t let other people make you feel down or that you can’t join in social events. Just tell them until there is proof this is happening, to keep their mouths shut. Sometimes being blunt and to the point works 😂

I had this with one of my children. I felt really awkward and spent ages and ages worrying about it. In the end I spoke to school about it - they said it wasn’t happening but it then gave me the conversation started I needed. I passed the mum in the playground and smiled and said I was sorry to hear that she thought my child was bullying hers and it was very embarrassing. I told her I had been in and discussed it with school and they had said they hadn’t seen anything but would keep a close eye on things. I then explained that obviously if my son was bullying I’d want to know so I could deal with it. She was quite taken aback but couldn’t really be negative as I’d taken it seriously and so had school. Once she realised her kid was making it up we got on well!!!