Daughter wants to move schools

[Frockandahardplace]

I’m looking for some advice to help my DD8. Dd goes to a small village primary school with approx 15 in her class. 7 of these are girls including DD. She has always found it hard to make friends but over the last year became friendly with another 2 girls and everything seemed fine. Since just before Christmas, DD says the girls are bullying her. It’s very subtle, things like pulling faces, whispering to each other whilst looking in DDs direction and laughing, jumping in and taking her seat when she’s been about to sit down. I’ve spoken to her teacher several times and to be fair, I feel she’s taken it seriously and has taken action but it’s still continuing. Now DD doesn’t want to go to school, is upset every morning and evening and is asking if we can just move so she can go somewhere else. I’m going back to speak to the teacher again next week but I’m not sure what else she can do to fix this. Has anyone experienced this and have any advice on what I should be asking the teacher for?

You can tell the teacher she wants to leave and I suggest you start looking for new schools. It's a small school and in my experience at least it was not dealt with my son and I waited too long making the change

Let her change. The school obviously can’t put a stop to it so you will have to.

Would you look at other schools? If you have had numerous conversations with school and she’s still so unhappy then I’d look to change.

Let her change. I was subtly bullied like this at the sane age and it was awful. I remember it well the best part of 40 years later. If there are only 7 girls, and only 15 overall, she has nowhere to turn now this rot has set in.

Tell the teacher your DD has school refusal due to the situation in the class and that previous intervention have proven unsuccessful, so more drastic measures must be taken otherwise you have no option but to move your DD

I'd move her. You've spoken to the teacher several times but clearly nothing has changed, another conversation is likely to result in nothing being done once again.

Is changing school actually a viable option?

What are the alternatives?

Moving from a small village school at around 8 or 9 would be an entirely positive thing. I don’t think you need waste much time on the particular dynamics of her current class.

Are there other, larger schools available?

I feel like moving schools is just running away from the problem. Is that the way you want to teach your daughter to deal with things? Will she be able to change jobs ever time someone nabs her office chair?! Inwould be teaching her to say to them "i know what youre doing" and challenging it. If parents see her upset at drop off and ask why tell them its because X is being nasty and she dreads school. Parent may then have a word with their child. At this age, its perfectly acceptable to approach the parent of the ring leader... with such a small class im sure you know them. But dont move her school, she may face the same problems there and then what?

I’d change her to a bigger school ASAP, if possible. Listen to her.

And saying it’s teaching her to run from the problem is bullshit. It can be deeply disturbing. They won’t change. You’ve spoken to the teacher and they’ve done all they can do.

Sorry I totally disagree with everything giraffe said. Approaching parents is a dangerous move. Likely to blow everything up many people extremely defensive about their precious darling and will lash out at your family. Expect counter attack. Even ‘nice” parents.

The school is too small for your poor dd to move friendship groups. My lovely niece had this. My sister moved her (into private). She has literally blossomed and is so happy now.

giraffebox when I mentioned to parents about how my child was being hurt in school, there was a resounding denial from parents, some who dismissed my concerns as "over worrying and over thinking" . Talking to the other parents wasn't helpful and it changed nothing.

In Y5 lots of the kids left to attend different schools which would get them into their secondary school of choice. If my child asked to move school, I would be looking at alternatives.

I agree with Mrs TSwift .Do not approach other parents under any circumstances!.In such a small setting, there is nowhere to turn ,Girls together (even young ones)! can be catty and unkind to each other, and will spot a possible "victim" a mile off!. Have a look at some other larger schools if you can .They have a more inclusive policy,and perhaps a more diverse group of children rather than the sort of "princess "spoilt type of girls .(Often it only takes one ringleader to set everyone against one child sadly)

Omg NEVER approach parents. Never! And moving schools is not running away from a problem. It's showing her she has the option to walk away. She has ALREADY learnt important life lessons eg you can't always just leave a job because ishe wants to leave and hasn't already walked out the door!

You can teach her resilience at her new school.

Trust me, I learnt the hard way thinking the school would help my son, waiting a but longer etc. Bullying is on and off and the effects are long-term

The run away from problems point is also shit. If I worked in an office with a vile clique who made me feel miserable everyday and despite my efforts nothing changed I’d jolly well find another job fast. Your poor dd is stuck as a child she doesn’t have that autonomy. Quite a few of my friends kids moved schools in years 4 or 5 for this reason no one bats an eyelid. 2 or 3 years is a long time to be subtly ostracised.

Read cats eye by Margaret Atwood perfectly describes this little girl cruelty

My dd having similar mixed classes and she’s accidentally dislodged a queen bee who is using all the subtle little girl bitch tactics at her disposal. Luckily big school so enough decent girls for dd to form her own group. Dh is so baffled

To the PP that said it was just running away from the problem...yes? That’s what you have to do when you can’t solve a problem?

I was low-level bullied and miserable at my first primary and my parents swapped my school at 7, and i had a wonderful rest-of-primary-school experience at my second school, without those specific girls.

It’s a bit victim blaming to say you have to stay and learn to be resilient. There’s nothing wrong with my ability to stand up for myself now i’m an adult, it wouldn’t have been helped to be made to stay and be unhappy at 7.

You wouldn’t stay in a job you hated where everyone was nasty to you to the point where you didn’t want to go into work would you?
So don’t let your DD stay in that environment and let her move schools

I would move her. She is asking for help and you need to support her. This subtle bullying is emotionally damaging and the impact lasts a long time.
Our village primary school, now closed, was smaller than your DDs and when kids moved on they struggled both educationally and socially. In our village, new comers took their children elsewhere while those who had lived in the area for ages used the school.

Hi there,
Just wondering what did you decide to do in the end? Did your dd move schools and if so how did it work out? Hope it all worked out well for her and you all x

I am in a similar situation with my daughter. There is one girl literally using all the usual girly subtleties to try and get at my daughter. She has already turned girls my daughter used to hang out with against her in our local estate.

My daughter has friends in school since Infants. However she feels that she would like to move. I think the whole issue with the other girl is underpinning everything. She knows alot of other girls from her sports activities so she would have ño problem getting to know others. And she gets along really well with her sporty friends.
What would ye do?

She is 11.
Thanks in advance.