Help needed.. worried mum.

[SparkleGem]

Hi I'm new here but needing advice, I'm a mum to a mixed race 5 year old boy (his dad is African) and yesterday he was playing in school on an outdoor boat, he went to go on the boat and a boy told him no and that there were no brown people allowed to come on to the boat. My son walked away feeling bad and sad (his own words). The head teacher spoke with my son and the boy involved, but never got in touch with me and today after school my son pointed out the boy at the school gates. I approached the mum to have a quiet word, just to see if she was aware of the incident, and if she could kindly have a word with her son to tell him it was wrong what he had done, but she just started shouting and saying you lot are always "pulling the race card". Really?! He is a five year old boy, a human being. No we don't pull the race card, in fact my son didn't even know what racism was. But obviously he does know he's brown. But he is no different. She was saying, what if it was the other way round? And her son got called white.. but my son wouldn't do that as he is brought up by white and black family. He doesn't know any difference and I thought any kid of that age wouldn't know any difference between race. Any thoughts on this incident, have any of you experienced racism in school? I don't know what to do now, I can't stop thinking about everything and just getting really emotional. Thanks for your time.

Unfortunately her boy has picked up these attitudes from her. Take the lead from what your son needs, teach him how to deal with bullies

www.bullying.co.uk/advice-for-parents/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-being-bullied/

Is it quite a mixed school?

@Rollindowntheroad thank you for the link, going to have a read now. No his school is not really mixed, I would say there are about 4 children from different backgrounds in the whole school. And the whole school has around 210 pupils.

You did the right thing by approaching the mum cautiously to discuss the issue without making a big deal. Her reaction is not good and shocking actually! How old is
Your son? I would recommend ignoring the mum/parent at the school gate (not in a bad way) and encouraging your son to mix and play with more fun and easier going boys...

I think you need to speak to the headteacher tomorrow and discuss this.

@CherylCheshire thank you, yes hoping her chat has worked, was hoping for maybe an apology to my son, although that might not have helped me, it may have helped my son. I'm sure the school must have a policy for things like this, but as this is the first time it's happened I think I was in shock and still am. Hoping and praying it doesn't happen again.

@Sohardtofindaname my son is only 5, so he's confused and actually said to me, how does he know I'm brown? I sometimes look white. And this really hurt me to here him say this, as he shouldn't have to worry about skin colour at any age let alone 5. I'm still shocked at the way she reacted and I really try to avoid confrontation at the best of times. Yes I will try to continue to encourage him to find other friends, he's such a shy boy. Trying to build his confidence in people is hard. But will do anything to make sure he stays strong. Thanks you for replying.

@Mintandthyme yes, I think I will. Hoping it gets resolved fast. Thank you.

My advice as somebody who has a child who has been bullied is never approach the parents directly whatever happened. You are rightly very upset that this has happened to your child and you are anxious that it could happen again but please let the school deal with it in the first instance. I know it's hard to stand back but when parents get involved with each other, it makes it hard for the school to follow due process. It also makes it harder for you to complain about the school if they don't.

Can I jump on this post? I’m also looking for advice, my son has been bullied at nursery and won’t go back because of one boy. He starts school this September and the boy will also be going. It breaks my heart that he is scared and it’s a battle every time he goes. He then breaks down when I pick him up. Do I keep sending him or I’ll him out? Nursery are very good but they just don’t see it as bullying and more as boys are boys. My confident little boy who from day one of nursery walked in without a worry in the world and waved me bye at 2 years old and now he’s Crying at the thought of going. Please help with any advice, thank you 🙂