Bully school mum

[Tills85]

This is a bit of a different one because it is not my child being bullied directly but I am and he is through me. Iwork full time and therefore my hours don't allow me to drop off & pick up my DS to & from school. So he goes to clubs, my friends help me & on couple of days my ex does it. I pick him up once a week. I don't judge people who don't work, their life choices, circumstances. I do not care. But turns out other people do.

There is 1mum that i see for 5 minutes outside school 1 day a week & also at birthday parties (which i hate btw). They are clicky & competitice. Anyway i don't know the woman, until few days ago i didnt even know her name. I doubt she knows mine. But forsome reason she has got it in for me & my DS. At first i didn't realise because I ignore things like that and don't get involved. I pick him up from school, take him to parties. Thats it. But everytime I see her she makes a snidy comment about me or my son. She once made a sarcastic comment about the way i was dressed when i turned up to a spotts day (i have a professional job & certain attire is expected) because I was wearing heels & a suit not trackies. May I add i have NEVER missed my DS play, parents evening, sports day etc. Another time at a party there was few mums talking & all of a sudden she commented on my DS behaviour because "poor child doesn't know whether he's coming or going" with different people picking him up. I was so shocked that I litrrally forgot how to speak. But it was a kids party i left it again because it is not a time & place to argue or confront someone. Few weeks ago another party, another conversation (even though i stay away from her she always comes up to me & whoever im speaking to) talking about kids eating. I said that im luckh because my DS is a great eater & always has been. Her comment to that was"well there has to be 1 thing he's good at"... again I was shocked & my frirnd picked up on it she was shocked too. Another week another party. Stayed as far from her as possible. All day. Yet by the end she came over to say my DS smacked her DD on the bum! Soft play kids running everywhere and i knowmy DS was nowhere near cher DD as he was playing far away with boys.
I need some advice. What would you do? I told my DS not to play with the girlbut its school they will anyway and they are 6 they don't understand. But I don't understand. I feel bullied & i don't know why. I don't know her. She has it in for us and I am at the end of my tether with it. Should I speak to school? Confront her? What do I do? Im so angry & frustrated. Thank you

I would imagine that this Mum maybe feels intimidated by you or envies you. Have been there with Mums like this and I think they just have too much time on their hands. But, she has overstepped the line with comments about your child. If you have a good teacher then maybe speak to them so they can keep an eye on it. Good luck.

There is a standard munsnet response that would work perfectly here, next time she insults you or ds smile at her and say "I'm sorry, did you mean to be so rude" That should shut her up

Surely this is a duplicate of a post I read previously?

You need to stand up for yourself and your son. I agree she is probably jealous. You don't need to have it out with her but you can politely tell her that you find her comments offensive rude and you would prefer it is she stayed away from you. People like this are generally bullies, but just to throw another side in there is a boy is dds class (yr1) his mother works away all week and this boy is a complete nightmare in every situation, rude, disruptive, violent. The mother doesn't believe it's true as she is not there to see it. Not saying this is your situation but is it possible he might be a little 'difficult' at school?

She sounds like a scummy mummy with a big chip on her shoulder. I bet if you confront her direcrt she would get aggressive.

Ignoring a bully doesn't actually work. Try talking back and making it harder for her to target you. She IS jealous of you.

So, when she says things like "well there has to be 1 thing he's good at" you jump back with "that's a horrible thing to say about a 6 year old. What is wrong with you?!" and make sure there is an audience and you say it loudly.

She will thrive on your silence and embarrassment so take away that power by showing everyone else her true face.

Also, the school gates ARE politics. Try to befriend and invest more time in the other mums. Even if it's a weekend meet up for coffee and a chat or hosting them for wine and a movie every few months.

Don't invite the bully. Consider letting the school know that she is bullying your son too by making false stories up about him.

Good luck!

OP can I just say I hear you loud and clear.

To give you an example a parent at my child's school actively moaned about some other parents putting them down as benefit scroungers and when she mentioned a bitchy throw away comment like I challenged her and now I get subtly bullying now in return. All the time.

She has quite a close set of friends so they get together and laugh at her putdowns.
So I am given the silent treatment.

It is quite awful bumping into them as sometimes she will be patronising and then I get silence and glares.

It is really difficult and just awful but it seems to the school they present themselves as caring parents if you see what I mean. So teachers all think this person is great as she self promotes.

I was working and now are a sahm but want to get back to work.

With this kind of ring leader - If I suggest something productive then she never agrees. I don't want it out myself but she has a gatekeeper fundraising role.

I offer to help with stuff and am only informed at the last minute.

I think trying to speak to other parents (who are NOT part of her clique) just to chat would be good and you don't have to mention the bully.

You can always ask the school for feedback on your child and they will give it but if you child had issues I would have thought you would have been informed.

Make other friends if you can but you are working so don't stress.

Also consider having a quiet word to the school about your child's behaviour and bully.

I think,like others said, saying something like "are you sure you meant to say that about a child it sounds rude?" Is a good strategy.

Good luck