9 yr old being targeted by friends

[897654321abcvrufhfgg]

My son has always been a very quiet, solitary boy. Very sensitive with more girl friends than boys. Only had one good friend until year 2. Then he suddenly have a few really good friends who were exactly like him. Roll on end of yr 3 and one of their group became best friends with a boy who is in the “cool” gang, very big on play fighting and mickey taking. Friendship groups of these 2 boys merged (including my son) Since then it has been upset after upset. My son then started to complain of being picked on, shoved, ganged up on by all of these boys (new and old friends) this culminated in teachers intervening after 3 months of upset. Know one believed that my sons original friends could have been so mean ( they are literally angels normally) but bullying was witnessed by others so staff had stern words and everything seemed ok. The bullying seems to have been constant low level though for the whole school year and this past year my son has become a different child ( shouts, screams, hits, spits etc. Also showing lots of very childish behaviour) It would appear that my son is the butt of all jokes and it has even meant he didn’t take up a place on the athletics team as lots of his “friends” were selected too and he said they would think he was rubbish. I don’t know what to do. These 9 boys are the only friends he has ever known and to my face they behave lovely but my son seems miserable. Must add that he has had no part invites or play date invites this whole year too. Teachers say they have witnessed nothing since the initial 3 months of bullying before Xmas but my son again when lining up this morning went and stood on his own and not with these boys. I don’t think he could emotionally cope with a change of school and his younger brother is super popular and happy at their school. Also if he completely detaches from them he has knowone. Need to speak to teacher as they will decide next years classes soon but what do I do. Bullying by “friends” is actually worse as u can’t tell them to ignore as they have knowone then.

That sounds awful. Your poor DS . In that situation I would look into seeing if I could move him to another school for a fresh start.

In our experience, schools don't deal with bullying. They go into denial about it and try to make the victim look bad and their family hysterical.

DD was badly bullied in yr6 and when we complained to her teacher she got defensive and angry with us and made a counter allegation against DD which was a complete lie. She knew we knew it was a lie (but had no proof). It was so horrible we had no choice but to drop the bullying complaint. The teacher was vile and we felt we could no longer trust the school

It really is concerning with the amount of people who have experienced this kind of school issue.
What is the answer? There should be more help for families.

We’ve been through similar and the school tried to deflect everything until it got very serious. You can’t win because if you get emotional as a parent they think you’re hysterical but if you stay calm they make you out to be some cold uncaring person.

Really, the best thing you can do is encourage friendships outside of school so it makes school time more bearable and join lots of clubs.
Make sure the school is following its own policies.

Maybe the school could give him some extra responsibilities at break time? So that he’s not on his own and is kept busy?

I do feel for you as it’s not nice to go through. Just know that you’re not on your own and that things will get better.

CramptonHodnet
Totally relate to your experience. Isn’t it terrifying that these people are in charge of kids?
I’ve sat in meetings with a HT lying through their teeth and governors backing them even though they knew the truth.
What they don’t seem to consider is the sometimes life long impact of their denials.

It tars the reputation of good teachers too. Left me feeling very disheartened by schools.

Hope your dd is ok now x

You say about deciding classes - so presumably your son could move classes? I would start with this? He may not have friends in the new class, but at least he would leave the bullies behind, and actually, he may well make friends in a new class!

Could he start a group or something outside school to build his confidence and perhaps make some friends there? (But the focus being the skill/activity/confidence building).

Hi. Came on here for advice with a similar situation. I really feel for you. All.i can suggest is encourage your son to join groups where there are other kids oitwith the school like cubs or judo or a drama grouo so he knows he can be make friends and can be liked. That will at least boost his confidence. The other thing would be to initiate playdates yourself to help him build up relationships.