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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Targeted bullying of my child by parents

13 replies

Talkingpoints · 01/05/2018 09:36

Hello I'm new here but I can't seem to get any advice about my specific situation.

A few months ago I was called in to the head teachers office about an incident involving my 4 year old and another student. I was told racist comments were made by my son to another boy, and I was shocked, as we do not say anything like that at home EVER. The comments in question were directed towards the color of the other boys skin and my child said they were the color of a chocolate bar and "poo". I was mortified at the second word and said that I would have a very long chat with my son, and the school said that the issue was dealt with at school. My son is very bad at saying things that are on his mind, and this was unfortunately, one of those times.

Fast forward a week. This same parent has rounded up her 'clique' and now her and all her friends are making continuous false complaints against my son. About saying continued racist things, pushing, saying things he would not say or do (this was proven because a couple of the complaints were made during times my son was not even at school, or during times my son was in my direct line of sight).

Furthermore another mum has taken to shouting things at me (such as "RACIST" and saying things under her breath.)

After talking to the head about the claims, the shouting and my child in class. They cannot seem to do anything about it other than tell them they are not allowed to talk to me, even though they are still targeting and harassing my son. Furthermore, the main mum has said she wants a formal apology from my son. Which now will not happen. Also after talking to the teacher, both the main teacher and teaching assistant said there was no actual proof of the first incident, which is starting to make me a bit skeptical.

Has anyone been through this? Can I take any action? I'm just at the end of my rope and anxious every time I walk into the school ground

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 02/05/2018 22:49

I would move my child

You'll have years of this crap

Anyone who holds a grudge on a four year old is pathetic!!

Move schools

Original poster

Talkingpoints · 03/05/2018 07:48

This is true, I can't see it letting up when they're in my child's class... Thankfully my husband and I are thinking of moving next year so maybe we can wait it out until there

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 03/05/2018 07:55

I would move him now tbh regardless of future plans

Appuskidu · 03/05/2018 07:59

I would not be sending him back there and would be putting in a formal complaint to the school.

Move him now-he can’t be happy.

Tamingoftheglue · 03/05/2018 08:09

I had a similar thing with my son. It's revealing, so I won't give too much detail, but the accusations against my son were false and the child making those accusations was punished. I thought that would be the end of it but the family of that child (which was large and spread over several year groups) made their feelings known.

We moved our children pronto. Everyone is much happier in the new school.

CatWhisker · 03/05/2018 08:39

We had a minority of horrible parents and kids in dd's class at primary and it never improved until they went to secondary school. They weren't targetting my dc in the same way your dc is being targetted. It was more low level. I'd move him

Ghostontoast · 03/05/2018 09:05

You'd be surprised at the way that a minority of teachers collude with bullying. I know you don't want to move your child but I think it may be the best thing to do in the long run.

A mum at school, (alpha mum type, leading light of PTA , ran a toddler craft group) made it clear that she despised my family. This mum was determined that my DD would not have any friends at all and when she saw my DD in the playground playing with other children she befriended their parents to bitch about our family. Then she became pally with my DD's form teacher whose attitude to my DD totally changed. I was called into the school and the teacher told me that she had been informed that my DD had done something inappropriate, but she never specified what this inappropriate thing she did was! I think alpha mum had a hand in it, bullying by proxy.

GuildedLily · 03/05/2018 09:39

Move them. We had a similar sort of issue with small group of parents.

We had moved into the area and bought a house and they had a thing about incomers buying up houses and they continually picked on our child.

For an entire term we tried to redeem the situation by being pleasant and reasonable and talking to the school. And thought, well why should we leave, we haven't done anything wrong. But no-one else wanted to be reasonable.

In the end we moved him as his welfare was more important to us than the fact we were in the right.

In retrospect we should have moved him sooner.

Original poster

Talkingpoints · 03/05/2018 13:40

Thank you for all the feedback, I appreciate it and don't feel like I am being dramatic anymore in moving my child!

I mentioned it to my sons teacher yesterday after school and she felt like it wasn't a good idea. But now that just makes me feel like it would reflect poorly on HER if any more kids moved out of her class.

OP posts:

PoisonousSmurf · 03/05/2018 13:47

This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. Adults bullying a four year old! What a horrible bunch of people.
And to think our little village school used to have all the 'dangerous' kids that no other school would have (because we only had 50 pupils) and when those kids used to kick, bite and scratch all the children, we parents didn't 'gang up' on the child's parents.
Anyone who shouts 'racist' is a bigot. Most of the time it's reversed racism...

steppemum · 03/05/2018 13:57

before you move them, go in to talk to the head.

Take a firm stance, this group of parents is bullying your child and you, and it is not on.

Ask the head to send home a letter to this group, reminding them of the school's policy on bullying and stating clearly that ganging up on a child by adults is not appropriate behaviour, as a school we protect the children in our care.
Ask for the head to threaten to ban them from the playground if it continues.

The head CAN take a proactive stance if she wants to. By standing up to them and saying umm you are adults picking on a 4 year old child???? Reminding them that the original situation was dealt with, and that small children make mistakes, and learn from them, but that they are not allowing the children space to learn and grow, she may easily be able to burst the bubble. It will depend a lot in the head. I know a couple (including our current one) who would have dealt with this very effectively.

NellytheElephant18 · 03/05/2018 14:01

Have you asked for a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy? Are there Governors that you can complain to if you don’t get a satisfactory resolution from the HT?

MissEliza · 03/05/2018 14:12

I came in the line of fire of our school's resident shit stirrer a few years ago. I immediately went to the head and said I wasn't putting up with it. He called her in and banned her from the school for two days. He threatened her with it being permanent.
I know MN are always telling people to call 101 but honestly you are the victim of harassment. You need to write down all the times you have been intimidated and then have a talk with 101 about it. I'm not talking out of my arse here. My friend's dh is a DI and when I was having the problem, he said if the head didn't deal with it, to go to the police. He actually said he wish these things would happen when he was in the playground because he'd love to sort the troublemakers out!

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