Child having problems in reception

[Hippobottymus]

My DC is in reception at school and already having issues with her coming home and getting upset over people 'being mean' to her at school. She said nobody ever wants to play with her and some of the boys have been pushing her

I was bullied throughout my entire school life so I want to do what I can to encourage her to be a confident child. We've done the whole tell the teacher, etc but I know kids can be cruel and that doesn't necessarily stop them from doing anything - maybe just more careful in front of teachers.

Any tips for helping her build confidence and make more friends?

Definitely speak to her teacher and ask for an eye to be kept on her. You won't be a nuisance, the teacher is still getting to know the new class and will want to be kept informed of any problems.

In some schools they will give a struggling child a "buddy" to help them socialise and make sure they are not alone during free play times etc - maybe this could be an option to suggest?

Dont panic yet I know it's terrifying when you've been through bullying yourself, but this is very early days for your dd and her peers and a bit of intervention from the teacher now could work wonders

I've talked to her teacher - her teacher is absolutely amazing so I don't doubt she'll stick to her word and keep an eye on her for me. I was thinking of joining the schools version of the PTA but I feel that might make things worse? Obviously I'm not joining for this reason, but I don't want her getting picked on because of me.

This might sound ridiculous but will not having the 'cool' brands (smiggle for example) be enough to get her picked on? I'm not sure it would at this age but if it would then I'll make sure I save up to buy he the stuff that's "in".

My DD1 was having a problem in reception with one boy, she did tell us he hit her one day, her dad (not to be recommended) showed her how to do a proper fist and told her if he hit her again to hit back, next day she floored him in front of dinner lady, he was never a problem again. I had been told by dinner lady what had happened, there was no comeback on my daughter.

I think joining the PTA is quite a good idea. If you meet other mums that you like, you could invite their DC over for a play date. Even if you don’t jon the PTA, has she talked about any friends you could invite? Building friendships will help her. Does she do any activities outside school? These can also help build confidence.

I think she’s a bit young for the peer pressure over smiggle etc. I hope so anyway

I think the "cool brands" thing depends very much on where you are. It wasnt an issue for my ds this early but it certainly is now they're teens! Maybe the teacher could answer that? Do you know any of the other parents?

Joining the PTA definitely wouldn't be OTT if you have the time and think you'll enjoy it. It's a great way to get a feel for the school and a good relationship with staff and other parents.

Your dd is lucky to have such a thoughtful mum

Also I agree with Greensleeves not to panic. This doesn’t mean she’ll be bullied all through her time at school, honestly.

I don't recommend teaching children to hit back. It causes more problems than it solves and is generally a bad idea. We teach that no hitting is ok, ever.

Greensleeves are you a teacher now and do you like it? I seem to remember you were training...

I'm a supply teacher (long-term injuries buggering up my life!) and I love every minute I spend with children, it's the best job in the world

I feel very strongly about bullying having been through it myself and also with my ds1. It's so terrifying for parents, especially when they are very little.

Oh, great to hear that you love it!

When my DD was being bullied I tried to make it clear that I expected it to be made clear to the bullies that NO ONE has the right to make someone else's life a misery, particularly not to the extent where it affects their education. It seemed to have an effect.

How and what is DS1 doing now, if you don't mind me asking? I remember quite a lot about his difficulties because a different DD of mine was having the same problems.

OH, how lovely that you remember!

DS1 is 15 now and seemed to turn a corner about 6 month ago, he's got a very close-knit little group of friends (who are all lovely oddballs) and is so much more confident in himself that he's less vulnerable to bullies. There's still low-level name-calling, but he gives as good as he gets now and school have (finally) stepped up, so his tutor is very responsive to him and us and he has a linked SEN worker who meets with him regularly. We haven't had a physical incident so far this academic year

How is your dd doing?

Thanks everyone for your replies! It's good to know that this all could be a phase. I know I'm more nervous of it because of my own experience as a child so quite careful not to get too involved. I certainly don't want to be one of the parents that gets way overly involved. I remember a girls Mum coming into our primary and demanding the other girls played with her daughter (to be clear, she approached the children directly!!)

Unfortunately we live in an area where lots of stock is put in what you have/brands etc. I think end of the year I'll take her out shopping and see what she'd like. I won't force her to wear brands or whatever just to make her more popular or anything like that but I don't want her being shunned because she dresses different.

Poor poppet my ex (her dad) thinks she's making it up to be clear she loves school despite this, and she's named names and told me things that have been said, I'm fairly confident it's not being made up. I also know some of the mums and they were bullies in school (we pretty much all went to school together!)

Oh god. I've just thought, so you think any of them say mean things about me/DD because they don't like me from school? We're all still quite young. God I hope not.

It's possible some of the mums are petty and haven't grown up enough that your past could be a factor - but if that's the case, they will son find that their children are their own people and will make up their own minds about their friends.

You don't sound like a crazy over-invested mother, it's completely natural that you're worried and you want to make your dd's life easier in any way you can. Taking her shopping for a few nice bits sounds lovely if you can afford it, it will be good for her confidence and developing identity whether the brands are a factor or not.

It's a real bonus that her teacher is lovely - don't be afraid to talk to her, she won't think you're a nuisance and she'll want to know what's going on so she can help.