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Bullying

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How to advise/support mentally ill, bi-sexual teen on bullying?

2 replies

Frequency · 19/09/2017 13:29

I'm at a loss.

DD hasn't been to school again today. I'm waiting on her pastoral support worker to call me back but it's going to be a tough one to deal as it's not just one bully or even people she knows.

She came home sobbing last night, adamant that she is never leaving the house again. People she didn't know had been shouting 'lesbo' at her. School kids and also people old enough to drive (who she called adults but it could have been older teens)

She refuses all counselling. She also talks a lot about dying and suicide which terrifies me but I can't force help on her. She self harms and goes through phases of not eating for days, sometimes weeks at a time. Her weight at, is normal.

I've tried CAHMS, I've been to the GP. There is nothing anyone will do for her unless she wants help or becomes ill enough to be sectioned.

In the past, I've always told her things will change when she gets to college. People will grow and mature and realise what tossers they've been and feel ashamed of how they treat her. She'll meet people who are like her (emo, bisexual and into anime and gaming) but now it's 'adults' joining in I don't know what to advise.

I really struggle to get into that mindset, to understand their motivations. Like what kind of grown man finds pleasure in humiliating a teenage girl? Don't they have their own shit to worry about?

On the one hand, I envy them. I have college, I have a job, I have kids and an elderly dog, I have relatives who depend on me, I don't have time to go cruising the streets seeking out people to insult at the same time, I pity them. Can't they read? Don't they have a job or a hobby or money to go to the pub? What kind of sad, pathetic life must they lead to find tormenting young girls entertaining? If I had that kind of time on my hands, I'd read a book or take the kids out for the day.

How do I advise DD on dealing with them other than ignore them and pity them? How the fuck am I supposed to help her? I feel like I'm sat here waiting for her to kill herself and there's nothing I can do about it.

OP posts:
itsbetterthanabox · 19/09/2017 13:39

I'm imagining it's people from school with older friends who can drive. How would strangers know her sexuality?
Where is this happening? Outside the school gates? Or just randomly on the streets?
What do the school do about the bullying? Does she have any friends?

Frequency · 19/09/2017 13:45

It's happening inside school and just randomly on the streets. That's what is worrying, how do people know her sexuality? Is there videos of her online somewhere? Some kind of chat forum post about her?

When it happens while she is with her boyfriend (FtM transgender) then it's obvious how they know, however, yesterday she wasn't with him. So it seems she's become known at the town 'lesbo'.

She has a very tight knit group of friends.

Up until now, she's refused to acknowledge any bullying in school or name her bullies but the school are helping. She has a hall pass that lets her out of class early and is allowed to eat her lunch in the teacher's break room if she needs to escape the other students.

She is still not naming the bullies but when the school call I'm going to ask them to talk to her friends and see if they can shed any light. Yesterday, it was strangers, driving by shouting things from a car window that tipped her over the edge. She said there was also a group of school aged (but not from her school) girls pointing and laughing at her in MacD.

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