DS is due to start year 9 next week. He has suffered low level bullying since year 7. He has high functioning ASD, is quirky and different which I guess makes him a natural target. Lucky for him, from day one he became close friends with another boy with SEN in the class and they stick together like glue. This boy also has English as a foreign language & his parents speak very little English. This boy is also being bullied.
As I said, the bullying is subtle and low level - excluding, whispering, name calling, blocking them at the door, taking their stuff, laughing at them. This class seems to have more than their fair share of badly behaved, disruptive pupils. Some of the language that DS has repeated to me is frankly vile.
I have complained on numerous occasions to the class teacher and the year head about both the disruptive behaviour (which is affecting DS's learning) and individual bullying incidents. They have always been very apologetic, acknowledged that this is one of the worst behaved classes in the school and agree to speak to/punish those involved. However, they always refuse to tell me HOW the bullies have been punished, and still it goes on.
I know that DS & his friend have complained themselves to both the class teacher and year head. The class teacher has confirmed this but gave the impression that they were minor, silly incidents, e.g. "Harry told me to shut up miss". (I do know, however, they reported to her one incident where a boy took DS's pen and shoved down his trousers, giving it a good rub before handing it back - hardly minor!) She also said there are a lot of very confident, mature kids in the class and that DS & friend don't fit in, hence the exclusion. She admitted there were other classes they might fit in better. I do think though she perceives them as a pair of immature tell tales who need to grow a pair!
I eventually got the year head to agree to move DS to another class. However, DS said he did not want to move without his friend as it would be unfair to leave him to face the bullies alone. School refused, so they stayed.
I have just been contacted by a relative of DS's friend. She says that he is terrified about returning to school as he can't take the bullying anymore. It transpires that, as well as the low level stuff, he has received anonymous texts telling him to kill himself, racism and was physically attacked just before the holidays. DS says he has not experienced anything like this and that his friend is the main target - they bully DS for associating with him.
The relative has asked on behalf of the parents that we form a united front and tackle the school together to which I have agreed. The parents have also complained about the bullying and requested a class move. School either don't respond to them at all or just give them lip service & do nothing!
We have considered moving DS to another school as have his friend's parents. However, I'm concerned it could be out of the frying pan and into the fire as the bullying may follow them, being vulnerable, SEN kids. This school does have a wonderful SEN department & a safe room they can go to at lunchtime which has become their lifeline. However, I know of a number of children who have left this school over the last year or so due to their complete failure to deal with bullying effectively. They have gone to another local school which I previously would not touch with a barge pole. However, they now have a super head in place who has transformed the place while DS's school is sliding downhill. Apparently, the kids are so glad they moved, although I do not know them personally.
So, I'm due to meet with the other family this week to put a plan together. I'm thinking of requesting again that both boys are moved to another class. If the answer is no I'm wondering if we should keep them away until they agree. DS's attendance is already quite poor as we had a period of school refusal when things were really bad. Admittedly, it wasn't just bullying, he was struggling with the work and general school stress e.g. fear of getting sanctioned for poor work.
Would be grateful for any advice as I'm really at a loss here.