School Issues

[chuckingstones]

I have a 9 year old daughter who seems to be struggling at school. Her teacher came to talk to me today as apparently she pulled a seat away from a child who was standing up over a desk, he went to sit down and hurt himself.

I don't inherently think she's a bully she just seems to have a mischievous streak. She's always saying to me that no-one wants to play with her at lunchtime, people invite her to play then run away from her. Another "friend" is apparently always refusing to play my daughter's games but insists on my daughter playing hers.

Her teacher has had to try and manage her behaviour in class but apparently my daughter just smiles at her.

I've tried sitting her down to talk about it which is when she admitted no-one wanted to play with her. I don't know if this is a by product if her bullying and therefore no-one wants to associate with her, or because she's being bullied and is seen as an easy target. She's always been a bit of a tell tale and I suspect his does her no favours but I'm really at my wit's end. She just seems so sad sometimes and is also refusing to do her homework. I don't want to punish her but I also know that's she's only just getting by at school. As her parents we're not together anymore and communication about these issues isn't brilliant (but we do still talk).

Is there anyone who I could go to at school? Is there anything I could try out of school.

As a former teaching assistant I would have thought that there would be someone in school who deals with "special needs" this title cover a multitude of things. Does the class also have a teaching assistant that could keep an eye open. May be there are other things bothering your daughter that she can't/won't talk about. Sure the staff who do playground duty could initiate a group game. What about a rewards system between school and home. I would have thought that they would be willing to help with this before high school.

There is a classroom assistant that my daughter apparently has a good relationship with but I've yet to meet with her. I might talk to her teacher about this.

I'm not sure if there's anything else bothering her. Today is the first day she's properly opened up about the playtime issues. Now I don't know how realistic her issues are, but I think this is another thing to talk to her teacher about.

I don't know how interactive the playground assistants are. It's a shame there isn't some sort of lunch club (I might enquire).

I'm trying a rewards system now. I've told her if I get a good report over the next two weeks I'll add a present she wants for Christmas onto her list.

But that's great advice, thanks

Your welcome.

It maybe a mixture of issues

I think children treat others as they are treated - so if she has no friends she has nothing to lose!

Why not invite one child to play and build some relationships?

Do you know any of the other parents? They could help.

Does she need some empathy lessons in school?

How is she at sharing and taking turns?

Is she being bossy and expecting others to play her games or nothing?

Does she always want to win rather than just enjoy playing?

I don't really know any of the other parents, that's my ex's territory. She does have friends from brownies but they are not at her school. I've explained that everything will change when she moves to secondary school and she may forge nee friendships.

Empathy lessons could be a good thing. I may ask the support teacher about that.

I think she can sometimes come across as controlling but not in a bad way. She was brought up somewhat strictly so has a great sense of injustice and what is right and wrong. She has said that she always has to play other people's game and they never want to play hers, but I've tried to encourage her that it's no bad thing (as long as she's not being taken advantage of).

She seemed better today but that may just be a weekend thing. She does say she's trying especially with a potential reward at the end so we'll see!