What have I done

[LottieBaby]

Hi guys really need some advice.

DD is in Y4 and has just moved school. Her old school was fine, popular amongst her peers as well as teaching staff. After a long think and a visit, we (inc DD) felt that the school she has moved to would be better suited to her due to her love of art and music, which the school focuses heavily on. Something her old school does not really do.

I’m now having doubts as to wheather we have made the right decision. We are into her second week at the school and although she loves the school, she seems to be having problems with a group of girls who are being quite mean to her (started on her second day). Dirty looks, whispering, not including her in conversations in class etc - generally not being very welcoming. I have told her to ignore what goes on in the playground and play we other girls who are nice but she says she finds it hard to ignore when they sit on the same table as her in class. Also on her first day her PE kit went missing and this week her glasses went missing.

I’ve noticed that it is effecting her confidence and she seems quite unsettled, answers back, not focused, gets upset easily and just a little on edge and awkward. I know that this is to be expected because of the change of school, established groups etc, but I feel my confident and friendly DD is losing her sparkle.

She such a friendly girl - at her old school she would be the first to make people welcomed etc. She tries to say hello etc but just gets ignored. I’ve told her to stop trying and let them come to you but she just doesn’t seem to get it. She now calls herself a dork - something she has not done until now.

It now breaks my heart that she’s been separated from friends and the environment that she excelled in. Now she’s on the middle table (has been top table throughout school life up until now) - doesn’t feel challenged etc. Today she didn’t want to go into school and it took awhile to coax her into class…

What have we done:(

Will it get better?

How do I help her get her confidence back?

Any advise would be very much appreciated.

Can you move her back to her old school? If not, this is the age where this type of trouble often begins anyway so it MAY have happened regardless.

BUT it's not acceptable. Have you spoken to the teacher?

Thanks for the reply MattDillion,

Can't go back to old school her space is already filled. Had the same problem this morning- she didn't won't to go in.

My partner says she needs to learn to deal with it herself but I'm thinking tell the school and hopefully it gets nipped in the bud before it goes any further...

I have a meeting with the teacher early next week to show her examples of previous work and was going to mention problem then, but after this morning I'm thinking I should phone the school today- though my partner does not agree to getting involved. What to do :( ?

Definitely tell the school. It is not acceptable at all...it IS bullying and you need assurance that these girls will be dealt with immediately. If you phone tell them you need an appointment with DDs teacher tomorrow. It's urgent.

Has DD found some girls she gets on with at all?

I think it's really important that you speak to her old school right now, get her back on the waiting list - it's not too late, if a place comes up there, to send her back. That's what I would do.

We moved ds in Y3 and it was hard and it took about a year for him to feel like he belonged. I wished I hadn't done it but we had to as we had moved house.

Speak to her new school too as this needs to be knocked on the head ASAP. Ours were very good when ds had a similar problem.

I'm not sure that is a good idea Hennifer; she's in year 4 and whose to say these issues may not have arisen at this point in her old school? Kids change a lot in year 4.

Year 3 is their first year in juniors and by year 4, definite divisions appear in the class...whose cool and who isn't.

I think OP would be better to approach the school and insist this is fixed as well as helping DD build up confidence.

There's the victim blaming!!

Sorry OP there is nothing wrong with your DD and everything wrong with this group of girls - they are being mean and spiteful - speak to the teacher so she is aware and can monitor - see if she can pull DD aside to check on play times - ask if there is another girl who would welcome your DD - see if any would come for a play date

It shouldn't be like this!!

It was just an idea.

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts.

Dd was in better spirits after school today. Has made a few friends. One whose new to school, said she noticed Dd was being bullied by this group of girls and the exact same thing happened to her - then my Dd arrived.

I don't think she wants to return to old school she loves the new opportunities.

I will have a word with the teacher so she can keep an eye. Hopefully she'll arrange some circle time. I'm taking Dd out for a girly day tomorrow minus baby bro to give us some quality time together.

Think it will be good for both of us.

I wasn't victim blaming but pointing out that this is one of those years when troubles arise...it's natural to some extent but needs stamping out and it is certainly NOT the fault of the OPs DD.

I'm glad she's made some friends OP.....stick in there and don't let school suggest it's being dealt with and then allow it to slip back....if there are any more incidents, begin recording them and ask for a copy of their bullying policy.

Glad your DDs started to make a friend. This happened to my DD when she moved schools in Y5. She broke my heart when she said 'I knew it would be hard Mum, but not this hard.' The girls wouldn't include her in their games at playtime and then they would 'tag' her but if she started to play they would get cross with her and tell her she wasn't in the game. It was awful. I contacted the teacher who was great, told me she was very disappointed in the girls and would be having words. She said they were all the cleverest, most popular etc. and my DD came along threatening their positions!
It did get sorted and one of the girls became very good friends with my DD. I wouldn't wait long at all to talk to someone. I waited a few weeks and wished I'd acted sooner because it was sorted so quickly and easily.
Enjoy your girly day.