How can I help my Y1 sons socially?

[Gobbolino6]

Hello everyone. I would really appreciate some advice.

I've been concerned about the social aspect of school for my six year old twins, who are in separate Y1 classes, for a while now.

They seem to enjoy school well enough, do well academically etc. They have complained several times to me about classmates being mean to them, excluding them etc.

I am very shy and have made a real effort to get involved with playdates etc, but there are only 3 children they have regular playdates with.

I've tried to bring them up to feel loved, confident, etc and to be kind and inclusive but able to stand up for themselves. I had very low self esteem and suffered low level bullying for 7 years at school. But they are quiet, studious, not sporty really.

Anyway, tonight they had to write stories for school and they've broken my heart. One child's for example was about a little monkey who hated school because people were mean to him. The teacher said he had to leave school and he was worried because he wouldn't learn anything. But he went home to his mum and she said 'I love you my little monkey ', and they lived happily ever after.

I talked to him and didn't get much out of him. He said he feels like the monkey but he still likes school.

I talked to him about exactly whom he plays with and he was able to name several friends who are fun and fair. But, in typical fashion, he wants to play with people who are less nice but more popular.

After reading the story I'm concerned that I need to take some action. I'd like to speak to his teacher and bring along the story. Is that silly? And how can I help him and his brother, who is in a similar position but more oblivious!

Thank you for any help.

I'm sorry, I have absolutely no useful advice. Couldn't read and run though. Your DS (who wrote the story) is very talented and self aware to produce that at his age. They sound like lovely little boys.

Thanks for replying. They are just gorgeous. I don't want to fail them.

I have a little boy in Y1 and I've noticed that this year has had a few playground dramas where there weren't any before e.g. DS was sad because his friend didn't play with him anymore, or because he was left out of a game. He's generally happy and having seen the way he gets along with these boys during parties and play dates, I'm not overly concerned. It might just be that this is the first time really that they're having to learn how to manage playground friendships. It's not so long ago that they were learning how to play alongside other children, then share (sort of!), and now maybe this?

It's horrible to think of your DSs being left out or feeling sad at school and it might be a good idea to talk to their teachers to find out the general situation.

You definitely should speak to the teacher. They can speak to the whole class about bullying and being inclusive, and perhaps run a friendship group or similar.

Have you thought about putting them into out of school activities where they might get to mix with older children from the school? Something like Beavers or other activity might be a good confidence booster. Does the school run any they can join? Lego clubs always seem to be popular across the ages.

And I wouldn't worry too much about lack of play dates. We have managed very few so far due to work and I'd say that's fairly common.

Thanks. They do swimming and drama outside school and a sport at school. I will sign them up for Beavers and talk to the teachers about what else is available.

These are some of the things that I did with my dd1

Modelled positive social interaction in shops, with my own friends, with other dc.
Enrolled her in different after school activities so she found things she enjoyed and was good at.
Invited other children after school.
Didn't let her have her own way all the time and showed her she needed to compromise.
Made sure she had the 'right' lunchbox, shoes etc.

Interestingly, dd2 is a totally different kettle of fish. She is a real people person who could wear clown shoes with bells on the end and all the other kids would be wearing them the next day.

Thank you. Some of these things I try already but I could stand to amp it up a bit. My third DS is very confident...on the bolshy side actually.

Just the support you ladies have given has helped...I've been stewing for hours since reading the story.