DS being hit in school

[momtothree]

My DS goes to a good school and over the last year there have been several incidents. He is the smallest in his class and is often picked up and thrown around, he has been pushed and thumped. He has a great set of supportive friends and is generally happy. The school wash over the incidents and no boys are punished or parents called. They have a chat. How can we make schools take some responsibility? I would want to know if my kids were up to no good so i could reinforce it at home. There policy states serious incidents will involve parents, but how serious does it have to be?

How old is DS?
I would keep a record of what happens, if there are witnesses etc. take pictures of bruises, injuries.
Look at the school's policies on bullying.
Some school's policies are so woolly as to be meaningless, now that my child has moved on to senior school and I have compared the policies of each school and they way they have dealt with things there are vast differences.
If they still do nothing then make a complaint, all schools must have a complaints policy. If DS is being hurt you could also try the police, they can get involved in bullying cases, although it may depend on the age of the children.

Hi hes 10, i know there are a few mean.kids in his class and they are on their second teacher - whos also leaving - i dont think there is any management support and the head is very boys will be boys attitude. There us only one parent gov and i know her but not sure any cases of bullying have been reported as per policy. Feel stuck. Fed up of no action

When you said he had been thrown around I imagined he must be much younger where boisterous play is kind of more expected. I would not expect it at 10.

As I said, look at the policy & keep records. I also received the 'boys will be boys' comment when my child was at primary' interestingly it is highlighted in his senior school's anti-bullying policy as an unacceptable response. However, how does your DS view it? Does it bother hiim? You say he has friends and is generally happy.

Once you have evidence go to the school, keep a record of what action they say they will take, follow that up. If they don't take it seriously then it is necessary to make a complaint according to their complaints policy before you can go any further.

The Coram Children's Legal Centre is a good place to look for advice
Hope that helps,

My son was bullied when he started high school. The school did deal with it but I found my son very disheartened. So I decided to enrol him in a local martial arts school. Only after the first lesson he had so much confidence. They taught him to defend himself but to never use his skills negatively. It was more about self confidence. My ds is now 16 & is a black belt & has never been in trouble for fighting.
Perhaps your son could benefit from something similar?
HTH

Hi thanks for the replies, He was picked up by another kid in a fireman lift he was swung round and hit his head on a wall ... egg lump... teacher told him to go to lunch and not checked on. No sticker or accident form, parent letter. Friday he was in anothers path. And he was punched twice. Sent email and saw the teacher after school. She said it wasnt a priority today and might get chance tomorrow to chat to the boys involved.

Any head bumps should be recorded and probably have an ice pack applied to it at my local primary but it might not be reported home. Head bumps should be monitored though. That is the kind of thing to keep records of.

Picking him up like that could have led to worse injuries if he had been dropped.
Unfortunately some schools do not treat injuries to children seriously.
Good luck

The same thing happened to my son. Our school was equally as useless in dealing with it so I moved him. Best thing I could have done; he is like a different child.

No its mixed and.not fee paying. Theres a good mix of kids probably tooo mixed in my opinion. Lots of rich spoilt darlings and council house kids and everything inbetween. So there is a lot of haves and have nots and lots of entitled kids. My kids have friends from all corners but its the darlings that get away with the behaviour. But I just want them to take the behaviour seriously. My DS didnt want to go to school last week.

I cant move him as we are allocated space on postcode so we would have to move.

I reported to the LA and they pushed back, arguing I had to report to the school governors.

You have my sympathies

My DS has, in the last month ,been kicked to the ground and then kicked again when he got up , sworn at and called a "r**d ( I was disgusted by that and don't even want to write it) shoved into a wall and sworn at and hit around the face.

All of this in a "naice" very middle class , outstanding school.

And my DS is one of the biggest ( tallest) children in school even though he is in Y4. I think that's part of the reason why he is targeted ( it's always y6 boys who attack him)

I emailed the headteacher the first time it happened and again the second time. The third attack was by a boy who I know has been in trouble for terrorising and beating up my friend's son so I called the school and spoke to the deputy head. ( I didn't tell them that I knew about this boys reputation)

He told me that he had worked at the school for years and had never experienced this type of thing at the school. ( and yet I know loads of parents who have complained of this type of thing - one even took her child out of the school) He must think I'm stupid.

It's a farce , they just deny it happens and play it all down to protect their precious ofsted rating.

You get to the point when you think it's not worth dealing with the school and may as well report to the police. If DS suffered the same attack by a 10 or 11 year old in the street it would be a police matter and yet at school it's just accepted as part of everyday life.

I second writing down everything, especially dates. Make an appointment with the head (most are useless) and tell them this is it going away.

Good luck

Angels thats my point exactly. A friends DS was involved in a fight the teacher was unaware as it happened on trip - not come back to her yet a week later. Things need to change. I rang Dept and they say speak to the school.

I've just started a thread with similar tones, it's very upsetting. I'm sorry you and your ds are going through this. My ds is also small and has others in his class and above getting physical with him. Today the parents of the child that has been starting on him have gone into school to (I presume) complain about ds, the other child has been telling the teacher various lies about ds and no one seems interested in listening to his side. Ds admits he retaliates, then the other child doesn't like it and goes to tell his mum and the teacher. They have a trip soon when they are away for a few days and nights, if I don't feel that they would safeguard my son properly during this time I'll have to forget the deposit and pull him from going. Not the best but I need to know they have his best interests, the thought of him going through this for days is too much. We're moving house soon so different school too thank god, right now I'd like to keep him off til then, quite frankly.

I often wish I could homeschool tbh, at least until secondary but i don't think I'd be able to manage it.

I understand where you are coming from (guymartin - privilaged!) But i dont understand if school wont admit a problem, parents have no where go, if u raise a complaint your kids still have to attend - adults have the law and can move jobs but kids have to put up with it!!! Zero tolerance isnt being implimented. Parents eve tomorrow.

I hope you get some answers at the parents eve. I've been on edge all day and I've given myself one hell of a headache with the worry. I hate to think of these children going to bed dreading school the next day, or worrying about how they're going to spend their play times. I'm seeing dh's teacher after school, I like to think that she'll give us a fair listen and also that being a teacher, can recognise when something isn't all as it seems. I was bullied a lot at my schools and nothing was done, and the effects of that still affect my life now - I'm angry with myself for not being assertive enough to get things sorted this morning.

I don't know how schools deal with 'he said/he said' kind of thing, nor when friends back up an untrue story. I encourage outside hobbies etc so my son has various interests and I hope to keep his confidence up that way. Feels like I'm fumbling in the dark sometimes tbh

I find parents of bullied children feel ashamed in a whats wrong with my child type thing. Reality is theres something wrong with the bullies. There is something wrong with the system and it needs changing as u say life long issues.

So I get a phone call today from a parent - her child has a behaviour book sent home each day - in todays entry it states my son and her had a fight with my sons name in the book. I have not been contacted by school nor did my child mention anything. I am a bit peeved that he was in there - any thoughts?