Worried about my son, what should I do?

[ihatelego]

Hi I'm looking for some advice on what to do about my son, he's my first child and is 5 so is in reception. He's always been sensitive and not assertive at all with other boys and i did have some problems when he was at nursery, now after a great first term i'm worried he is getting in the same situation again!

He never wants to go to school now and every day i pick him up he's miserable and it takes a good 20mins for him to be himself again. He tells me everyday that some of his friends trap him, pull his trousers down, push him, hurt him, tell him he's a loser and that they don't want to play with him.
I saw some of this behaviour yesterday when i dropped him off, he was in his costume and a number of boys crowded him and started punching him in the chest, he didn't cry he just stood there and said nothing.

Everyday when i tell him he needs to tell the teacher, tell the boys to stop it and go away etc he tells me he can't say that or there wasn't time or the teacher wasn't there and it's making me feel really helpless. :(

I have brought it up before, they took the trousers thing seriously but generally they just say they'll tell the lunchtime supervisor or they'll keep a look out but nothing changes. What i think is disturbing almost is the boys that do this to him are the ones he most depserately wants to play with and be friends with, they're all ones he invited to his birthday for example.

I don't know if everyone has this type of thing and maybe he's exagerating or missing out all the good bits where he's having fun but it's making me desperately sad and angry for him and i want it sorted. I'm planning on taking him to karate or something to develop his confidence with boys but i want to know if this is normal or how best to address the school and get action.

Please help!!

Telling them off myself has been the thing that has always worked for us but I know that is never recommended on here it works though not in a nasty way, just in the usual "stop that at once!" along with a Hard Stare If you witness behaviour. Also talking loudly in front of the children involved about what he is to do if those children are mean again today, i.e tell a teacher, tell me and I will speak to their parents and so on.

Poor little thing and poor you! My Ds is also in reception, I would go to teacher again 1st and explain whole situation and that you expect action to be taken. If that fails I would make an appointment with the head teacher. Definitely don't keep sending him in until you've had reassurance that they are taking this matter seriously. Hope things improve soon

If I had seen other children doing that to my child I would have gone over and said something tbh.

You need to speak to his teacher ASAP and tell them what's happening, tell them you want it sorted out straight away, your ds is only 5 and probably finds it very hard to tell the teacher himself. If I was you I would go into school all guns blazing.

My dd has been bullied on and off throughout school, if she's upset than I go in and sort it out, now she's older she finds it easier to go to a teacher but I will still help her out if I need too and step in.

Kids can be so mean, I hope your ds is ok and you get this sorted xx

thank you for the advice, i did go over when i saw it i put myslef between him and the children, they just walked off and i said to him he mustn't put up with that and to tell them to stop. My plan of action is to do some roleplay advice ive found online to help him be more confident if it happens, on monday i'll ask to speak to the teacher after school (in the morning it's chaos and you can't get a quiet minute) and i'll get him booked in for some martial arts classes to help with his confidence.

I just hope it stops as bullying is one of the most awful things especially when you can't be there when it's happening, he's just very quiet and takes behaviour very seriously so he gets worried about saying "go away" because he's worried about being told off by the teacher.

So hard isn't it ... they are just small kids but the impact of their behaviour is massive on your little boy and you. Have you tried inviting any of the lads for a play date to try and build friendships between them? It sounds like your son needs someone within the group he can rely on. Sadly, we are more like animals than we think and the 'pack mentality' exists amongst children as well as adults. There are safety in numbers and that's how they will operate. You can't make your lad someone he isn't and will probably need to do some background work on his behalf. Meanwhile, mention the incident to school and ask that the situation is closely observed. Ask for them to get back to you at the end of the week. Good luck