DD being bullied in infant school by child with special needs :(

[Scandi75]

DD is in infant school and my sweet kind child is being bullied physically by a child with special needs. The child has somehow singled out mine (opposite sex) and is really making DD's life unpleasant. School has finally admitted the problem, and is keeping them apart in class but the problem occurs at lunchtime in the playground. I have a lot of sympathy for the special needs child and fully understand that the child does not understand what is acceptable and what is not, but I'm getting increasingly frustrated and sad to see what they are doing to DD. What can I do and what are my rights?

Well I am sorry your DD is having to deal with this firstly, but secondly I must just let you know that here on MN you might get some bother for using the term "special needs child" instead of "child WITH special needs"

I know to some it's not much difference but to parents of children with additional needs it's upsetting as it dehumanizes the child.

Secondly you have the right to know your child is safe...and school will have a bullying policy which you can ask to see.

What is the behaviour consisting of? Is it physical or otherwise?

Thank you MrsTawdry; I'm new to MN (as you probably guessed) and. The last thing I want to do is cause offence. If I have offended anyone I sincerely apologise from the heart. I am a firm believer of the universal fact, that every child deserve respect no matter what.

I will ask to see the schools anti-bullying police tomorrow.

The incidents have been both physical (hitting) and more mentally like destroying artworks and the likes

Someone else mentioned keeping a record of what is happening, which will do.

I would keep on at them until you know that your DD is safe. Sometimes just asking to see the anti-bullying policy is enough to make those responsible sit up and take note.

If the school has admitted there is a problem' and has admitted that the situation is worse at lunchtimes, then they have a responsibility to make sure that the child with SN is supported all the time so that other children, including your DD, are protected.

The issue is not with the child. It is with the school.

If it's infant school how old are they?

my children both have sn and my view is that this is a failure in the duty of care the school has to both children.

They are failing your child by not ensuring she is safe in school and they are failing the other child by not ensuring that they have appropriate support so that they aren't put in a position where they are able to lash out.

When my sons have displayed aggressive behaviours the first questions I ask are how was that allowed to happen, where were the TAs, what are you going to do to ensure that doesn't happen again?

Exactly. This is afailure on the school's part to provide adequate support and supervision for the child with sn. They are failing both children.

This is a problem with the school, not the child.

You must make very clear to the school that it is their responsibility to provid adequate support for the child with sn.

It is not acceptable that they are failing both children in this way. Be very clear that you are blaming the school for their failings, you are NOT blaming the child. It is the school's responsibility.

I think fenella has it - if this child is showing aggression then it needs to be dealt with. I wonder what level of support the other child is getting and if the school are meeting his requirements. Do not accept this and really the fact that the other child has additional needs is no reason why you should be any less angry about it but the anger of course should be directed at the school!

I was going to post what Baywatch has
I'd ask the school what they are putting in place to prevent this from happening, especially during breaktimes

oh, i reported the thread title so hopefully MNHQ will alter it for you.

I should add - most parents of children with sn are delighted to have allies in getting adequate support for their children. It's a real pain to be continually fighting for more support for your child, while the school gets away scot-free for providing inadequate support, and the child gets labelled as a bully by parents who incorrectly blame the kid, not the lack of support.

Don't let the school blame the child. The school MUST accept that they are not providing adequate supervision if there is continuous hitting and destruction of work.

That said, you also need to gently direct dd away from blaming the child as well - it can be easy for kids to fall into the trap of 'x did this', 'x did that', 'x is always mean to me' - by the end of infant school, most children are perfectly capable of understanding that 'x sometimes needs some space' etc etc.

And in truth, if the child has sn, it is probably not a 'bullying' matter at all. The bullying policy will be less help than the sn policy ;-)
It is the supervision that is the key - the bullying policy will be directed at NT kids and their parents. It can provide some guidance, but the onus is on the school, not the child and their parents, to prevent recurrence.

Thank you so much all for the comments. We have had a talk with DD (and so has school today) to explain that the other child needs space and are not at fault in any way ( in a way she can understand). I have also talked to the mother and together we are approaching the school to ensure that adequate support is put in place at lunch time play to support both children so none of then are in an uncomfortable situation. Your comments have opened my eyes for the fact that I should work in partnership with the other set of parents and together make sure the school lives up to its responsibilities. Thank you all for your time :)

That's great news Scandi. So often, parents of kids with sn end up being ostracised, when really, they could do with other parents backing them up to get support in place for their kids.

Fingers crossed that the child gets some good support and both children can thrive.

That's really good. It's great that you are teaming up for the benefit of both children. That's how it should be. I hope the school listens to you both.