I need advice on what to do and what to expect after nasty bullying incident this morning

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My son is 7 and in year 3. He is part of a mixed friendship group with boys and girls.

One of the boys in the group can be horrible. He is, sadly, what I would call a bully. He has a weird control over the rest of the group, where he is nasty to them, but controls them and pulls their strings like a puppeteer. None of them are brave enough to stand up to him and they can't as a group seem to realise they would be better off without him.

It is currently my son's 'turn' to be the focus of this boy's aggression. This has been going on and escalating since before half term.

He drags my son around and stops him playing with others. Before half term, he was throwing my son to the ground and hurting him and the rest of the group were standing around laughing. This was happening several times a day. I spoke to the teacher who said she would talk to the boy and to his mother. After half term, she did speak to the boy apparently, but has yet to speak to his mother (who incidentally works in the school, so is not hard to contact). There has been no let up in his behaviour.

This morning, before school started, I caught the boy holding my son by the collar and banging his head against a wall. Obviously I told him to stop and told him off. My son then immediately came over to me and took a ball of green leaves out of his mouth. The boy had been trying to force him to eat them. There were girls from the group watching.

I spoke to the teacher immediately and told her about the incident. She seemed quite shocked, but as I was in a fluster and so was she because she was just taking the children into school, I didn't really find out what would happen next.

Should I go back in after school and speak to her, explaining that this was unacceptable and a serious incident (firstly, proper bullying; secondly, my son could have been hurt; and thirdly, I have no idea what those leaves were). Should I ask her what she or the school is going to do next? And what happens if that doesn't work? What should the school next- speaking to the boy again seems pretty pathetic as it already hasn't worked and this incident was serious. Speaking to his mum seems to be a bit of a cop-out. Should the other children be spoken to as well?

What should I do? I am furious and very upset about this. I don't want to over or under react, but I want my son to be safe at school and he isn't at the moment.

Sorry, misread, thought the meeting was with headteacher. Next step is with headteacher then, you must have a meeting with them. Try to keep making this about school policy and what the school can do for your son. Including the fact that his class teacher appears to be advocating bullying and encouraging it, and so the problem is likely to escalate.

Put everything In writing to the governor if it isn't sorted. I was like you and worried about over reacting / under reacting. It got out of hand in the end because the head teacher took advantage of my nice nature. You have every right to expect a high level of care for your child whilst he is in the school's hands and as parents we should stand for zero tolerance in regards to bullying. Good luck x

My DS was bullied very badly last year & basically it got to the point that I refused to send him in until something was done about it. HT dealt with it straight away.

I know it is very early on in the school year but I would be asking for them to be separated if possible in yr4.

I know this post is post over 6 weeks old but felt compelled to write. I do hope the matter has been resolved but if not I would advice the following:

1/ Keep a daily record. This way you can present it to the school as fact.
2/ It is not unusual for schools not to 'record' incidents officially as it doesn't look good (if they don't call it bullying they don't have to deal with it as bullying). Ensure that the school has recorded it and any other incidences as bullying. If the school don't record it then they can't implement their discipline programme.
3/ Ask to see their anti bullying policy and check to ensure they are adhering to it.
4/ Ask to have written confirmation that all parties and their parents have been spoken to. Keep a record.
5/ Ask for written confirmation of what will happen should another bullying episode occurs.
6/ Teach your DS to look the bully in the eye count to three and then in a big deep voice shout 'NO' really loudly (This will take courage and will need practice but the bully will not like having attention drawn to what he is doing. Other comebacks are all well and good but very difficult to remember when in a stressful situation).
7/ Keep talking to your DS and make sure they are telling you everything.
8/ If you are not happy write to the chair of governors, then the Dept of Ed.
9/ If it continues do not be scared to consider moving schools - not a move to be taken lightly however the mental health of your DS is the most important thing of all.
10/ When talking to the school do not get angry but equally do not apologise for any 'inconvenience' Be assertive and factual.

For information my son was bullied for years (by my nice respectable friends children) unknown to us. The above is the result of the inquiry the school held after his attempted suicide. DS was bullied from about Yr 2 until Yr 8 by the same children. One ringleader and ultimately 24 followers. Deal with it firmly, insist on change and do not accept any excuses.

Good Luck hope next term goes better

Any news?

Sorry for the very long gap! I have come back finally to update.

I wrote an email to the school as I said in my last post. I used all the phrases (keeping my child safe, duty of care, escalation, anti bullying policy etc).

This obviously had the right effect- deputy head got involved. The boy and his parents were spoken to. I was given a copy of the policy, which I am please to say I didn't need.

It is 6 months later now. My son and the former bully are good friends. The boy appears to have learnt from the incident and isn't picking on anyone else now either- he is a reformed character! He is a bit rough sometimes, but no more than any other normal boy (and not in a bullying way). My son is happy and so am I.

The mum spoke to me too- she was a bit sad I hadn't spoken to her and didn't actually appologise, but actually I don't care. All that matters is that there is no bullying and they are good friends now!