Help me help DS1 with low level bullying. Perspective needed.

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Ds1 has been having a problem with a friend of his for a few months now.

They have been friends since nursery and are now 9. There is a fairly strong group of about 4 or 5 of them.

DS's best friend has been being quite mean to him recently in quite a low level way. Small things like excluding him from games one day but not the next, whispering to other friends, making up games but not including him. There has also been a couple of incidences of physical stuff when he thinks that noone's looking.

I don't know what to do. I am very good friends with his parents which makes it complicated. Part of me wants to intervene but part of me wants to let DS1 sort it out for himself, even if that means distancing himself.

DS can also be a little glass half empty at times too and sometimes I think he is exaggerating but I don't want to minimise it as he genuinely seems concerned.

DS has always been popular and has a natural way with people. His friend is not unpopular but likes to be in charge and I think is jealous of DS's friendships.

Either way, it's really knocking DS's confidence

Help.

If you are friends with this boys parents then it might be worth having a word. Since there are 4 or 5 of them, it might be worth saying you've noticed your DS has been down recently and has mentioned difficulties within the friendship group, has she picked up on anything? She may well have done, and this was you haven't accused her son directly so you should be able to maintain the relationship. Then depending on her response you could get a bit more direct and say that your DS has mentioned being physically hit. With this child's mum more aware and the issue on the radar it may stop him in his tracks.

Then, as I am sure you are already doing, speak to your son, build his confidence and make sure he's aware he can talk to you whenever. It may also be worth having a word with the school so they can monitor better, especially if it continues or escalates. Schools are generally pretty big on anti-bullying these days

I know I should talk to her. I suppose I just keep hoping it will get better.

It's hard to unpick what's his behaviour and what's his personality

I just don't want to make it worse.

I've spoken to DS this morning. He doesn't really want me to say anything.

I think he's more disappointed about his other friends going along with it.

Thanks. I will do.

He has his parents consultation next week so I might bring it up then.

Things have escalated a little and I've gone into school.

There appeared to be much more physical pushing etc than I realised. A friend text me to say that her son had said he was concerned.

I asked DS1 why he hadn't told the teacher and he said the other boys would just lie and no one would believe him.

I contacted the school and spoke to both boys parents but they have treated it very much as just a falling out.

The pushing stopped but the nasty comments haven't so I've gone back into school to talk to his teacher again.

Hopefully they will take it more seriously this time.

I've found it all very upsetting. My poor baby boy

Good luck OP my daughter is having the same problems at her school. She is 10 and although she isn't getting anything physical, it's all the isolation and leaving her out of games etc, which is wearing her down.

We have found the school to be fairly useless, the teacher said she had noticed some stuff but doesn't do anything about it.

The thing which upsets my DD the most is some of the so called friends don't stand up for her when this is happening.

Very upsetting and can't offer any help for you.

Good luck

The best piece of advice someone gave me when I was going through the same thing with dd when she was in yr3 was to make sure that you arrange plenty of outside things to do which a takes their mind off problems in school and b helps them grow as individuals which means they can actually learn to cope with the bullies themselves. It is a horrible time and I hope things get better for you soon