DS being bullied at school - school being useless/ineffective - next steps?

[CocktailQueen]

Posting on behalf of a friend here. Her ds - let's call him A - age 7 is being bulled - or at least targeted - at school by one boy, B. The other boy has SN (we think; nightmare in class, constantly in trouble, very tricky at social clubs and parties, needs one to one supervision).

A has been strangled, been knocked down, been bitten on the bum, been headbutted, been punched, been knocked down and then B sat on his head (the most recent). My friend has been in to see teacher and HT several times but no joy. They say they're aware of B's problems and will keep an eye on it, but don't have the money for a one to one TA for him to supervise him (!!). Last year, they kept B in at playtimes, but not this year.

Friend's DS A has been having nightmares and migraines for past 9 months - brought on by stress, she thinks. Doesn't want to go to school.

What else can she do if the school won't take her seriously? School is also not communicating with B's parents what is happening as B's mum asked A for playdate last week and was horrified when A didn't want to go

Help, please! A's mum is at the end of her tether. (School is in Scotland so no board of governors to approach, just HT then local authority.)

Move schools? Go to the police to report the assaults? Tell the parents why he isn't going on playdates? Get him some self defence classes [karate/judo/tang su do]?

Take it to the la then, and report to ofsted.

I'd also seriously consider a new school, and again tell ht/la/ofsted why I was removing.

Having been through a very similar experience with my Ds I would say.

1. Keep a written record of what has happened and effect on dc
2. Take dc to the gp so they are also aware, especially the mental and physical effects on dc.
3. Ask the school where is the plan to keep my dc safe?

On occasion I would keep dc home if he was too scared to go to school. It was a massive relief for him to be away from the bully.

1. Go the la/ofstead.

6 enroll your dc in a marital art so he can defend him self in a controlled way if he needs to. But if this is going to take too long then just move schools. That's what we ended up doing, with a short period of home ed in the middle. This allowed Ds to recover himself at home, he felt safe and a lot more information came out about what had happened to him. In retrospect I waited too long before moving, to the detriment of Ds. I thought the school wanted to stop to bullying and they cared. It took me a while to realise they didn't care and had little interest.

Honestly? I would remove from school with immediate effect and tell them why. I would find another school or home educate. Can you imagine being in fear every single day, enough to give you a migraine? Of course it's not what should happen, but if that's what it took to keep my child safe and happy I would do it. I am a teacher btw.

Friend has considered moving school but this one is 2 mins walk away and all A's friends go there - why should she have to move? She did enrol A in a martial arts class but child B joined too so A didn't want to go any more - small area.

Thanks re keeping a record of what has happened - she has been to doc and hosp with A so will have records from that. I told her to ask about safeguarding last time she saw the HT, and the HT just ummed and erred and didn't answer the question.

When you speak to the school try not to focus on the problems that the bully might have with regard to AN but go to the head teacher with a list of injuries and incidents. Tell them that you expect to see a plan for keeping your child safe from harm whilst at school and that failure to do this is a failure of their duty of care to your child. If they have identified that child B needs supervision but aren't funding it a) that's not yr problem and b) it's an admission that they aren't dealing properly with the situation.
Make it clear that without action from them you will be taking action of your own to involve LA

Thank you, everyone. V helpful. x

Thing is, you can enrol your child in martial arts or whatever, give him the confidence- but the bully will just turn his attention to another child.

The school need to stop allowing this behaviour. It's not the bully, or the bullied at fault in this situation, I place blame and responsibility fully on the school.

I'd be escalating as high as I could. Take your child out, write formal letters and cc everyone you can think of, local mp and the education secretary included if you have to!

My post should have said SN not AN

I removed my middle boy from school entirely for similar reasons. I told the school it was because they were failing in their duty of care and clearly weren't able to guarantee his safety, emotional and physical. I was lucky to be able to home educate for a year before he felt ready to go back to mainstream school - but a different one - but it was key to have told the school my reasons in writing, with copies to all relevant parties.

snice - when my friend saw the HT the HT brought up B's AN as an 'excuse'. All very unsatisfactory all round. Agree that the lack of funding is not my friend's problem, but the HT mentioned it! VV helpful, thank you.

Ask HT to do something now, go to Ofstead, speak to the parents, teach the child judo, H.ed

Your friend needs to become more assertive in dealing with the head. One child's needs are no excuse . If they are aware that a particular child has a potential behavioural problem then injuries to other children are foreseeable and not an accident. I'm afraid until yr friend kicks up a stink nothing will happen. School are also clearly failing in their duty to the other child who is not receiving proper support to remain in school.

Tell your friend to ask to see copies of the schools bullying and behaviour policies-are the st e ps in them being followed? If not, why not?

I have experience of this situation 'from the other side'. It was clear that when a particular child with very assertive parents was injured, 1-1 full time support suddenly materialised!

Cocktail Queen

I am in Scotland and have had very similar experiences.

If Head 'doesn't want to know' - as ours doesn't - you are reliant on LA.
If they 'don't want to know' - as ours dont' - you then have to go via Independent Adjudication or Tribunal - both of which have limited powers.
The Govan Law Centre is excellent for advice for Educational Issues in Scotland. Also try ENQUIRE and Mindroom.

Sadly, sometimes all you can do is move.
This doesn't fix the problem though and there may well be a bully in the next school with an uncaring Head there too (it is such a lottery in Scotland)

pm me if you want.x

there is no way the school will facilitate a meeting with the other child's parents-this is a school management issue and nothing to do with the parents if it is an issue with SN relating to behaviour