My DD has a couple of close friends - and they are nice friends, pleasant children - but sometimes they will push my DD into doing things she wouldn't normally do. It's quite low level stuff - being a bit loud in class, that kind of thing. It came to a bit of a head when they all made some silly prank calls on her mobile phone which cost us money we didn't have, the school found out, and it became clear from the subsequent discussions that the school sees our DD as a bit of a ringleader. It was quite bizarre, because the child the school described to us and the child we see at home were radically different. We see a child who is very under confident, who loathes getting things wrong, who hates conflict and is instinctively kind, a people pleaser. The school say she seems very confident, and appears not to care if she gets into trouble (I think this is because she freezes when she is told off and just doesn't react at all). We have talked over this a lot with DD and she says sometimes her friends push her to do things and she keeps saying 'no' but they just keep nagging her until she gives in, and she doesn't know how to say 'no'. I think she also hates conflict so much that she will do anything to avoid a confrontation - without seeing the'big picture', that by avoiding conflict in the immediate, she will create much bigger problems for herself in the future.
The school is quite supportive, but they, like we, are aware that what is a low level problem now could lead to very serious problems if she 'got into the wrong company'.
I told DD I would buy her a book to help her with strategies for saying 'no' but I can't find any good ones. They are either aimed at much younger children or are too 'full on' - tackling sex/drugs etc - whereas this is not an issue now, I kind of want to help her before it got to having to discuss those issues if you know what I mean.
Any suggestions/recommendations would be very welcome.