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Bullying

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DS aged almost 13, problems with friends in general :(

7 replies

stellsie · 09/06/2014 23:54

I just want to get some advice please, hopefully Smile

Bit of background and I'll try not to ramble...

My DS is almost 13 in year 8. He's got a lovely nature albeit very (I think) immature, in that he can be silly - saying silly things to other kids, probably including his friends. He is at middle school so due to move up to high school in September, to year 9. In the past few months I suppose if I'm honest, he has had a few fall outs with his peers, not necessarily 'friends' but boys in his school, in the same year. From what he tells us - and he has been known to stretch the truth! it might start with someone calling him a name, so he'll call one back, then the boy might shove him or push him, so then DS will walk away. It has also happened during May half term, he rode on his bike to get some sweets, saw 3 boys he knew from school, hoe called him over and asked what he was doing, when DS replied getting some sweets, the boy said 'give me 50p' to which DS replied No, so the boy punched him on the arm. when I asked DS what he did back to the boy, he said I couldn't do anything as the other 2 would have stuck up for --- (the boy.)

This is just 1 example of the maybe twice a week, incidents which happen at school. Both me and my husband have told him that no one should be allowed to push him around at school, or anywhere else, and if it happens again, he should push the boy concerned back.

It is not just boisterous fun either; there have been school day trips and DS was sat on the coach on his own on the way back. He did sit with a friend on the way out but was on his own on the way home - I don't think he had upset the friend (!) but they had just agreed one way. Parties - lots of kids (at least 4 recently) have had biggish parties, celebrating turning into a teenager, DS not been invited but his friends have.

He has had 'help' at school from a weekly session with one of his form tutors, she is employed as a sort of counsellor by the school too, to try and help him with getting along with peers etc. But from a 'bullying' perspective (pushing and shoving etc) the school don't want to think any of that goes on at their school.

I just want him to start at his new school in September hopefully more mature, and to be able to get along with boys in his year. DH although worried too, said tonight maybe it's just boys being boys and it's just a phase.

The fact that he's not very academic doesn't help either I think, in that maybe he genuinely doesn't understand how annoying it can be when someone says something silly/unkind.

Deep down, I know my DS is a great kid, he has a sunny happy go lucky personality but I just want him to be accepted a bit more, and to mature a bit.

Does anyone else have experiences similar to this with their boys? (Or girls!)

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
stellsie · 10/06/2014 19:07

Anyone Hmm
Smile

OP posts:
Sigyn · 10/06/2014 19:20

Can you give more specific examples of his behaviour? You say he says things that are silly/unkind. What kind of thing?

Have I got it right in saying he's saying stuff that isn't very nice and he's being ostracised to some extent for it?

BTW I have a kid who can be a bit like this-who says things that are quite mean and doesn't understand why no one then wants to play with him (because, tbh, why on earth should they if he's going to make cutting comments?) . It is hugely frustrating because he really does not seem to get that his behaviour really is triggering it, plus because teachers can see him winding up the other kids (really because he doesn't quite get that he is being mean). Its exacerbated in his case because he's the youngest in the year and in his last school, against our wishes really, was in the gifted set which translated into doing some work with older kids. Did NOT help him socially.

lljkk · 10/06/2014 19:25

they don't sound like nice friends.
A fresh start at high school could do a lot of good.
Does he have self esteem issues?
I wonder if something like martial arts would help him. Not to help him fight anybody, but to help him deal psychologically with conflict & conflict resolution.

nutribullet · 22/08/2014 22:17

..

WaffleWiffle · 22/08/2014 22:19

nutribullet Why have you bumped an old thread?

Coolas · 24/08/2014 01:33

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paradiseessay · 13/10/2019 14:10

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