primary school outcast

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

I am currently writing a formal letter to the head teacher giving reasons for having removed DS from school after a long period of bullying (social exclusion).

The problem is that I am finding it difficult to 'power' myself through the process of letter writing.

I feel weary and uncertain.

Deep down, I do not think DS deserved to be treated as he was, but there is a also a small voice inside me telling me it was unrealistic to wish for more, given that the majority of his class treated him as if he was invisible (so it must be the fault of DS?) Worryingly, his teacher this year also didn't warm to him. (She seems to prefer more assertive, confident children.)

Is there anyone out there who can help me muster sufficient righteous indignation to complete my letter?

I am a gentle soul and find getting sad so much easier than getting mad!

If you feel up to giving more information, I will help....when did it begin and how long has it been going on? when did you remove DS? Are you going to home educate?

That sound sad for your DS but he obviously has a lovely mum on his side which counts for a lot.

Thank you so much for your replies. I have not posted on Mumsnet before so getting responses seems quite magical - like getting a response to a message in a bottle!

To add a few more details.

My lovely DS is in year 6, so removing him was more a point of principle
than something which will have a big impact practically speaking. We are near the end of term.

The bullying has been going on for around four years, really since he started the school. I know, I know! Far too long. I'm just not a natural complainer.

The teacher this year has more or less denied there is a problem but at the same time has presided over class discussions which involve all the children in one big group talking, with DS plus one other outcast sitting to one side not participating because they don't feel welcome in the main group.

Im your current position I would write it as expressing your disappointment and sadness at the situation ie 'I regret to inform you that I have been forced to remove ds from x school because .....

Labro, thank you for an excellent beginning for my letter! That certainly helps counter my writer's block - I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Have you not contacted school before? I find it v sad for your ds that you don't feel angry at his treatment and seem to feel it's his own fault.

I'd be v factual in letter,would send it to governor's,local authority too

Thanks for your input. I take your point. The situation is that I have felt rather browbeaten by DS's teacher who has always thought the behaviour of the other boys in the class perfectly acceptable. She did not really ever have any sympathy for DS and felt it was up to him to keep approaching the other boys seeking friendship, even although they have rebuffed him many, many times. Her position was that those boys were 'just really good friends" and "have bonded very well" but did not mean anything bad by excluding DS.

In fact, it was clear to me - and unfortunately DS - that his teacher preferred the other boys. To her, they were just 'cheeky chappies' who were louder, more confident and more appealing in their personalities than DS who is a quieter, gentler type - although still with a good sense of humour, I feel. DS said that his teacher liked to get a bit of banter going with the others but hardly spoke to him.

You could say that the social exclusion extended to teacher level.

I have spoken to the teacher and the head teacher on several occasions. The latter did acknowledge a problem initially but as time went by there was a closing of ranks as his position gravitated towards that of the teacher.

The school is a private school owned by an Educational Group, so I suppose it might be worth writing to them as well as the head.

Any thoughts? Anybody out there experienced similar?

I am sorry that your son suffered social isolation and the school did nothing to help him. My children's state school (rough kids, special measures) were really good at helping children with friendship issues. d.

The school had a fun club run by two TAs every Thursday lunch time to help children to make friends. The TAs taught the children how to play nicely. The children also talked about bullying and social isolation in PHSCE lessons. The school also used a range of approaches including a friendship bench, a circle of friends approach where slightly (older) nice children try to help with social skills and year 6 playground buddies to alert teachers to bullying.

I feel that the private school failed into their duty of care to look after your son's emotional welfare. Children need to be happy inorder to learn. Not all schools are like this and I hope your son is happy at his next school.

Some children need extra help to learn how to make friends just like some children need extra support with learning to rea

Hi ReallyTired, good to hear from you! It sounds like your children's school has fantastic policies to help children integrate. There were some initiatives set up at DS's school too, but more for younger children. My DS was a buddy or 'playground daddy' as he put it - and loved looking after the little ones. It didn't matter to them that he was a social outcast with his peer group. Just wish he could have had his own 'playground daddy' too.

DS attended a state school before transferring to the private one and he did not have problems with social exclusion there. His class was large (30 +) at that time and the children were an intriguing mix - from a vicar's son to the son of a guy doing time for a drugs-related crime. Perhaps it was easier to find a niche in that eclectic environment. The private school we've just left had smaller classes and the children seemed to be more of a similar type - so more of a risk of not fitting in if you didn't fall within that narrow range.

I agree that simply being happy is a prerequisite for educational progress and am hoping that DS's next school will be a friendly place.

Thanks for your interest, and good luck to you and yours too.