Hello, I give inspirational talks and workshops on 'Anti-Bullying' in Schools. One of the techniques I teach children is how to deal with name calling and respond in a way that prevents it developing into a bullying incident.
I teach young people to understand that bullying is all about reactions. If someone calls you a name with the intent to bully you, then your reaction to that name is what determines whether the situation develops or not.
This is why those who bully have no power unless we allow them to have it.
Bullying is about emotional impact. People who bully need to see that their words or actions are having an impact on how the person they target feels about themselves.
Bullies use emotive words with the intention of lowering their target's self esteem. When the bullies see the person they target showing anger or getting upset, they are getting a reaction that encourages them to say and do it again and again.
So it's all about giving an Assertive reaction.
I teach young people to give what is called a 'closed response' to any words intended to bully them. For example, if someone calls you fat you say 'You could be right' or 'I don't think I am' or 'Thanks for the opinion' or even smiling, acting as if what they've said is a compliment and saying 'Thanks very much!'
In this case some examples would be:
'I don't like your glasses'
Answer: 'I like them'
'Why do you wear glasses?'
'To see better.'
The answer is 'closed.' It immediately makes the 'bully' have to think of something else to say. The idea is to keep repeating the closed response whatever the bully says. This makes it much more challenging for the 'bullies' because they are not getting the upset or angry reaction they are hoping to provoke.
I teach young people to use eye contact - to look the other person in the eyes [which shows confidence], give their answer and walk away.
This is one option, a second option I teach is 'open answer', for example
'You're wearing glasses'
'Yeah I am so what?'
or 'You're glasses are.....'
Answer: 'Why are you saying that?'
Sometimes a more direct question can put the name caller on the back foot and encourage them to stop. Sometimes giving an insult back can work well or using humour and making a joke out of the situation to defuse it. However I prefer the Assertive or Closed Response because it works better to defuse situations and being more aggressive always runs the risk of making them escalate.
Practising answering back in a controlled way, for example by using roleplays at home are great for building confidence and resilience and developing an automatic response that works for each individual.
Above all I teach young people to develop a habit of not taking anything anyone says about them personally. I teach that the only opinion that really matters is our own - if we cultivate a habit of encouraging ourselves and think about who we are in a positive way, we become resilient to the things that people say, whether they are meant as banter or bullying.
I hope this is helpful. I speak as someone who experienced bullying at School myself. I regularly post free advice on twitter @Higgs_Rob or on my website www.roberthiggs.co.uk