What would you do/should I do if faced with confrontation with bully's mother?

[hectorthestandbyhawk]

I have posted here before about a child who is often unkind to my 6yr old dd. I think she has picked dd out because dd is quiet/less sporty etc. I spoke to the form teacher before Christmas. There have been 2 occasions where the physical intimidation/unkind words have got too much for dd and she's made it clear e.g. by body language that she doesn't like to be around this girl.
I just get the feeling that one day the other child's mother might approach me and say something like 'Why doesn't your dd like mine? That's not very nice.' Hopefully that won't happen, I would hate a confrontation. If it did - what would be the best way to respond - to diffuse tension and make best outcome for dd? Thanksx

Have you thought to speak to her mum first?

Explain that there is a problem and maybe the two of you could help resolve it together!

I would want to know if my ds was being horrible to another child.

Hi BM? I haven't spoken to the mum as I would worry that the conversation could turn unpleasant. Noone would want to believe their child would be unkind. Also I've wanted to keep it as an issue that school helps resolve. does anything good come from this sort of conversation with a parent?

Well, if someone came up to me and told me my ds had been unkind to another child, then I would go and speak to the school myself and find out what had been going on. I

Then I would speak to my ds and find out the reasons why, and try and explain why his behaviour is not nice.

I certainly wouldn't turn it into a confrontation with the other parent, but i would need to find out the facts from the school.

I also think that if there is anything you could do to help the school resolve any issues then you should do it!

Also, not all kids like other kids, the same way as all adults don't like other adults. I wouldn't expect all the children in ds's class to like him, same way I wouldn't expect him to like everyone.

I certainly wouldn't go up to another parent and say 'Why doesn't X like Y??' .

All my opinion mind.

Its just what I would do. :)

Been there and bought the t-shirt.

My son was bullied by some boys in his class. I knew the ring leaders parents socially but I initially went to the school. The school pulled in half the class and had enough evidence to bring the parents of the boys in. I then had ringleader brought round to the house by his Dad with profuse apologies and also then had the boys mothers do the same in the playground. All were insistent that if anything happened again, I should go straight to them. I had the women in tears with apologies.

Then, a few weeks later I witnessed the boys at it again, to be fair, it was through a window so I couldn't hear what the boys had said, but I could see the aggressive stance and they were obv shouting right in my son's face and he came out upset.

I went to school again but also spoke to the parents - this time they weren't interested and basically said that it was my son's own fault and that the boys had just been singing!! I ended up in quite a nasty intimidatory position with the boys father - formerly our "friends"

Anyhoo, the school were pretty good at keeping an eye on it, but my son ended up being tested for aspergers as he was so anxious while in school and 3 and half years down the line he still gets bother from the class and we have taken the decision to put him in a different high School to the rest.

I would say you could get any reaction if you speak to the parent, my view would be to speak to the school and let them sort it out and if you are approached (unlikely) just say that you have said to your daughter to stay away and find other friends as the two girls don't seem to get along too well.

I had this in year 3...there was a boy in DS's class who was known as a bully, he used to spit and kick DS despite the fact they were "friends"

I told DS to just keep away from him one and day the mother was watching (she was very neurotic at the best of times) and witnessed my DS running away from her son. She texted me and asked if I had forbidden my DS to play with hers. I just replied that whilst there was the problems of spitting and kicking I had advised my DS to stay away. I wasnt rude or confrontational, I was just truthful. She was a bit miffed but I think she understood.

She is one of these parents that would think nothing of asking someone why her DS isnt invited to their party......

Based on my and my sister's experiences (as parents)... I wouldn't raise any bullying issues with the parents directly - ever. Most other parents are lovely, kind, pleasant adults, but there are a few who seem fine until you scratch the surface and you find a playground prima donna who has yet to grow up.

If things are still outwardly civil I'd do my best to keep it that way and let the school handle things. It may be worth remembering that children can move on from things much faster than adults. Things in the future could be difficult if the school sorts the problem out and the children become close friends whilst the parents are "at war".

Rainbows and now Brownies have made my DDs more confident and happy in themselves and consequently not as vulnerable to bullying.

Hope things work out for your DD and that she enjoys her long holiday.

i'm sure nothing will get said but if it does just tell her the flat truth and she will probably be taken aback no more worries. haha

My DS's school were a bit annoyed that I had approached the parents directly and made me feel bad for trying to have any part in resolving it myself. Probably best to stay out of it unless you know the other parents well.

Hope the holidays diffuse things a bit for everyone in this situation. Its so stressful isn't it.

I would speak calmly,pleasantly,and just say "my DD thinks X wasnt being very nice to her a couple of times".
The mother may reply in any number of ways,but you will know you have been polite and pleasant.