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Bullying

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dd's best friend taken away by a bully

8 replies

halfwaythere · 31/03/2011 06:46

I'm at my wits end. My dd is in year 2 and has been best friends with a lovely girl since reception. My dd was away from school for a couple of weeks with flu (in Jan) and when she came back her bf had joined another group of girls in the class which is completely understandable. However, the group (led by one girl) won't let my DD join in and she is essentially friendless. Her bf says she can join but the ringleader says no and drags dd's bf away. Her bf is very gentle and kind and not the sort to get into confrontation so goes along with it. I help out in DD's classroom one afternoon a week so I know the ringleader - she is very manipulative, whispers about people behind their back etc. I also know her mum (not to speak to) - she's the sort to stand around in the playground giving people bitchy looks and talking like she's on Jeremy Kyle (sorry but you get the picture). I've spoken to the teacher who's spoken to the group and said let DD join in but it was like water off a ducks back and things are still the same. DD is very sad and feels rejected. She has no other friends because she spent all her time with BF. Any advice would be much appreciated as DD hates school and is losing her confidence - this has been going on for weeks but she's only just admitted it.

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HecateTheCrone · 31/03/2011 06:50

invite her friend round lots. to play, for tea, etc, and work on developing the strength of their friendship outside school in the hope that it will stand up in school.

and identify a couple of other nice kids and do the same. It is not healthy for a child to be totally isolated by the 'loss' of one friend.

and carry on raising concerns with the teacher. there are things they can do. they can split the group up in class for example, make them sit at different tables etc.

halfwaythere · 31/03/2011 08:45

Thanks HacateTheCrone

You're right about it not being positive. Maybe I should see this as way of DD breaking out and making new friends. I think the hard thing is that DD really misses her bf. I've invited her round for tea etc and everything is fine outside of school, but as soon as they're back in school
the other girl steps in.
Maybe BF will end up just being an out of school friend.
Thanks for the advice.

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pilates · 31/03/2011 11:30

Ahh thats really sad for your daughter.

I think its a hard lesson not to put all your eggs in one basket. Is there any other girls in the class that you think your daughter would get on with, and if so, perhaps you could invite them for tea?

Do you get on with BF's Mum, could you have a gentle word with her?

I hope it gets resolved as its horrible situation but I'm sure in time will sort itself out.

Good luck

onesandwichshort · 31/03/2011 11:38

I think it's more than a lesson for your dd, it's bullying. And as such the teacher should be doing something about this kind of exclusion, especially if it's affecting how your dd is feeling about school.

So if the teacher won't address it, you need to start asking about the school's bullying policy and take it further.

chicaguapa · 31/03/2011 11:41

I agree with the suggestion that you invite the bf back after school and work on the friendship away from the bully girl. Once their friendship gets back on track, you might find the bf moves away from the group and back friends with your dd.

I hope it works out for your dd.

Fimbo · 31/03/2011 11:46

This happened to dd who is in year 8! Girls can be really really horrible. Dd has now gone off with other friends. TBH I don't think her 'bf' was really into dd that much as she seemed quite happy for dd to be left out of things and towards the end of the friendship was quite nasty although generally she was and is a lovely girl.

bruffin · 31/03/2011 11:55

DD had the same problem in Year 3. New girl joined and took all dd's friends. She would announce each day who she was allowed to play, and dd was never part of the group. She was very manipulative I spoke to teacher in the end and thankfully she is a matter fact teacher who stands no nonsense and she sorted it out.

In the end DD and this girl were best friends in year5/6 and became inseperable, but once they went to different secondaries, this girl reverted to her old self and dd has nothing to do with her anymore.

halfwaythere · 31/03/2011 18:37

Thanks everyone for the advice. It's really helpful to hear from people who have been through similar things and come out the other side! I've invited another girl back from the class to tea tomorrow night and fingers crossed that might help. She's not in the group of girls excuding DD - think it might be best for DD to stay away from them and BF for the moment and hope they get bored of their silly games and it settles down.

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